Stupid joke FRIDAY

[floydjer]

My winter fat is gone...Now I have spring rolls..

[Stainless1]

John Travolta tested negative for Covid-19 last Monday....

Turns out it was just Saturday Night Fever.   

[floydjer]

That is good news Bob.....I heard he had chills that were multiplying....Glad to hear he will be Staying Alive.....

[floydjer]

.....Walked by the refrigerator and thought I heard an onion speaking to me....It was just a chive talking...

[floydjer]

Did you know the Bee Gees were Asian chefs?..You could tell.by the way they used their woks..... .

[floydjer]

Patti looked over my shoulder and said..." Stop posting jokes...You Should Be Dancing"

[WOODY@DDLLC]

End of the world joke: Short LSR version!

Once upon a time, there was a snake named Nate who lived in the desert guarding a lever which, if pulled, would split the earth in two.
Then one hot summer day, a man was speeding down the highway in his car when Nate happened to be sunning himself on the usually deserted road just a few feet away from the lever.
The speeding man saw Nate and the lever at nearly the same time.
Unable to swerve out of the way entirely, the driver had to make a decision as to which he would run over ? Nate the snake or the lever that would cut the world in two.
Well, I?m sorry to say, Nate is no longer with us.
But, if you?re sad, just remember what that driver thought to himself at the last moment ? ?Better Nate than lever!?

Much longer version: http://www.longestjokeintheworld.com/

[4-barrel Mike]

Somewhere in the distance, one can hear the Reverend Mister Spooner applauding.   

Mike

[floydjer]

I heard the Spoonerism Banquet was cancelled because the caterer forgot to bring the food....It was a lack of pies......

[Speed Limit 1000]

Why was Darth Vader referred to as Lord Vader?
Because calling him Master Vader made all the Storm Troopers giggle

[floydjer]

Two icebergs are floating around near Antarctica and one proclaims he is tired of the cold and his heading to a warmer climate. About two weeks later,he returns. His iceberg buddy comments on his weight loss and says..."You look great..Was your vacation all you thawed it would be"?

[floydjer]

This thing on..??....Apple has a new cell phone just for children...IKid you not.

[Stainless1]

Hey Jerry, those Apple folkers will cell you anything you want... 

[4-barrel Mike]

I still don't understand they sell those computer-looking things named after a winter jacket.   

Mike

[floydjer]

..... Icemobile???