Author Topic: Stupid joke FRIDAY  (Read 2172879 times)

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Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke FRIDAY
« Reply #5025 on: March 24, 2023, 10:17:17 AM »
First thing I do after getting out of bed is place military figurines in my coffee mug...Because the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Stainless1

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Re: Stupid joke FRIDAY
« Reply #5026 on: March 24, 2023, 11:50:56 AM »
It's good to not lose your grip on those when placing them in your cup... I hear they are good to the last drop  :roll:
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Offline Speed Limit 1000

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Re: Stupid joke FRIDAY
« Reply #5027 on: March 24, 2023, 08:20:17 PM »
Don't worry, be frappe-y!
John Gowetski, red hat @ 221.183 MPH MSA Lakester, Bockscar #1000 60 ci normally aspirated w/N20

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke FRIDAY
« Reply #5028 on: March 24, 2023, 09:48:36 PM »
Better latte than never eh John ?...... :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Speed Limit 1000

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Re: Stupid joke FRIDAY
« Reply #5029 on: March 24, 2023, 11:46:45 PM »
I'm quiet, but after a cup of coffee, I can espresso my feelings
John Gowetski, red hat @ 221.183 MPH MSA Lakester, Bockscar #1000 60 ci normally aspirated w/N20

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke FRIDAY
« Reply #5030 on: March 31, 2023, 01:27:58 PM »
This cowboy rides into town and sees a group of guys setting up a gallows. He asks if someone is fixing' to get hung. Old man says "Yep...Brown paper Larry". Cowboy asks why they call him that. Old guy says it is because everything Larry wears is made of brown paper bags...shirt,shoes,shirt,hat...even his socks are paper. C.B. asks why they are hanging him.  Old geezer replies " Rustling"
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Speed Limit 1000

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Re: Stupid joke FRIDAY
« Reply #5031 on: March 31, 2023, 01:49:05 PM »
One cowboy sees a tree covered in bacon in the distance. He gets all excited and runs towards the bacon tree. As he reaches the bacon tree he gets shot to death. It turns out it wasn't a bacon tree. It was a hambush! aktion086
John Gowetski, red hat @ 221.183 MPH MSA Lakester, Bockscar #1000 60 ci normally aspirated w/N20

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke FRIDAY
« Reply #5032 on: March 31, 2023, 02:02:27 PM »
I think many conflicts between cowboys could have easily been avoided had the  planning Commission made the towns big enough for everyone. 1drink
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Speed Limit 1000

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Re: Stupid joke FRIDAY
« Reply #5033 on: March 31, 2023, 03:55:29 PM »
"Well son, since you haven't learned to respect your elders, it's time you learned to respect your betters."

--Big Jake
John Gowetski, red hat @ 221.183 MPH MSA Lakester, Bockscar #1000 60 ci normally aspirated w/N20

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke FRIDAY
« Reply #5034 on: March 31, 2023, 06:35:19 PM »
I knew the mention of cowboys would spur John's unbridled attention...Nice to not be saddled with carrying the thread myself. :dhorse:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Speed Limit 1000

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Re: Stupid joke FRIDAY
« Reply #5035 on: March 31, 2023, 09:50:05 PM »
My vacuum broke, so I put a Dallas Cowboys sticker on it.
- It sucks again lol8
John Gowetski, red hat @ 221.183 MPH MSA Lakester, Bockscar #1000 60 ci normally aspirated w/N20

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke FRIDAY
« Reply #5036 on: April 07, 2023, 09:12:41 AM »
Where did Noah keep the bees during the flood? In the Ark hives....
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Speed Limit 1000

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Re: Stupid joke FRIDAY
« Reply #5037 on: April 07, 2023, 11:41:54 AM »

Who was the greatest financier in the bible?
Noah, cause he floated his stocks while the rest of the world was in liquidation...
John Gowetski, red hat @ 221.183 MPH MSA Lakester, Bockscar #1000 60 ci normally aspirated w/N20

Offline fastesthonda_jim

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Re: Stupid joke FRIDAY
« Reply #5038 on: April 14, 2023, 10:00:44 AM »
First out of the box.
Hooray!
We begin with today's theme -  education.
Okay, boys and girls... Hope you had a fun Easter.  You ever wonder how Easter eggs are made?

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Offline fastesthonda_jim

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Re: Stupid joke FRIDAY
« Reply #5039 on: April 14, 2023, 10:21:04 AM »
Since no one is stepping up today, I guess I'll just have to fill the gap.

These days my memory is getting so bad I can hide my own Easter eggs.

The following has been unashamedly plagiarized from another site, because it brought back so many (memories, that is, not eggs).

These great questions and answers are from the days when 'Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now! 
 
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
 
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
 
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
 
Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness! (The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)
 
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
 
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
 
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish, as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
 
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
 
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question, Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
 
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
 
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver:  Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
 
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
 
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
 
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
 
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail.  What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
 
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
 
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
 
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
 
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
 
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.
2006 SCTA High Points Champeen
2006 Dirty "2" Wrench Of The Year
Bonneville "2" Club 2003
El Mirage Dirty "2"'s 2006
Bonneville Records: G/GS, F/GS (Boy)  G/FS (Girl)
El Mirage Records: F/BFS, F/FS, F/GS, I/FS, I/GS, K/BGS
FIA Records A, II, 8
Unlimited License
300mph line qualified (305.129 best mile speed)
The older half of San Diego's Fastest Couple
2016 Man of Distinction Award
DLRA 2019 Top Speed of The Meet (309.438 Mile - 323.3 GPS)