Thanks Jim for some real humor - I think I heard most of those on the live shows - they were not to be missed!
Let the plagiarism continue:
Be grateful that no matter how much chocolate you eat, your earrings will still fit!
They say 40 is the new 30, and 50 is the new 40, but all I know is the older I get, the more 9pm is the new midnight!
I asked my waitress how they prepare their chicken. She said, "We tell them straight out they're going to die!"
Don't tell secrets in the garden! The potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears and the beanstalk!
I had a great plant based burger the other day. From a meat processing plant!
My teacher told me not to worry about spelling because in the future there will be autocorrect and for that I am eternally grapefruit!
I'll take a brake now!