The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread

[Podunk]

I just told my wife the ID 10 T joke. When we stopped laughing she sez " Well, what was wrong with it?"

[bbarn]

The other problem we computer people run into is the PICNIC problem...Problem In Chair Not In Computer.

[Dean Los Angeles]

I hope this is the right thread. I have a 4 inch body lift on my truck and 2 days ago my truck started to shake once I got going faster than 70 and I think it's the suspension or the tires are unbalanced and since the girls are no longer paying attention to this post does anybody know any good porn sites?

[Seldom Seen Slim]

Dean, I didn't know there were any bad porn sites.

[USFRAMONTE]

My nieghbor lady told me the most popular guy at the nudist colony ....

is the one that can carry two cups of coffee and six donuts all at the same time.

[Dean Los Angeles]

Dear Justin Bieber haters.

I owe my life to Justin.

On March 29, 2009 I was in a coma for six months after a terrible automobile accident.

One day my nurse turned the radio to Justin's song.

I got up from my coma and turned the damn thing off.

[floydjer]

Dean, I didn't know there were any bad porn sites.

  www.       ....Nevermind

[Seldom Seen Slim]

Perhaps you've heard the news that some of the major shippers are now considering using drone technology to deliver packages to customers -- even residential places.  Imagine finding this on your front door some day soon:

[Dean Los Angeles]

Amazon drones! Ha!

The United States Postal Service responds!

[Dean Los Angeles]

MATH IS IMPORTANT TO LAND SPEED RACING

[Milwaukee Midget]

Amazon drones! Ha!

The United States Postal Service responds!

Long overdue.  It's good to see the USPS has finally adopted modern material handling techniques and methods that are inherently less destructive to the product being shipped.

Now if they can only speed up the line at the Pist Office . . .

[jimmy six]

They could learn a lot from "punkin chunkin"

[Dean Los Angeles]

My kid and I built a trebuchet years ago. If you are unfamiliar with that word, two things. One, I feel sorry for you. Two, a catapult directly launches a projectile.
A trebuchet uses a rope or cable to slingshot around the fulcrum arm to amplify distance.

Our first test run was in a large field. With a cantaloupe we cleared the fence and put it in some guy's back yard.
We took it to many a Boy Scout event. The launch weight was supplied by Boy Scout bodies standing on a platform. Much easier than transporting all that weight!

[Dean Los Angeles]

Helen was talking to Mary and asked; "Gee Mary why did you have so many kids?

Mary said; "it's because I'm hard of hearing."

"You had six kids because you're hard of hearing?"

Marty would come home late and drunk.
He would hop into bed, slap me on the ass and say; "You want to sleep or what?"
And I'd say; "What?"

[Seldom Seen Slim]

A student asked his English professor, “What is the definition
of a dilemma?"
 
"The professor said, “Well, there's nothing better than an
example to illustrate that."
 
"Imagine that you are lying in a big bed with a beautiful naked
young woman on one side and a gay man on the other."
 
"Who are you going to turn your back on?"