The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread

[Speed Limit 1000]

The room was full of pregnant women, with their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurances to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy. She said: "Ladies: remember that exercise is GOOD for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier!" She looked at the men in the room. "And gentlemen, remember: youre in this together. So it wouldn't hurt you to go walking with your partner." The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information. Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand. "Yes?" asked the teacher. "I was just wondering," the man said, "is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

[tauruck]

BLACK BRA size 38
This is too funny not to share
 
The Business Deal


A Chinese guy goes into a Jewish-owned establishment to buy black bras, size 38. The Jewish store keeper, known for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers. Therefore he has to charge R50.00 for them.

The Chinese guy buys 25 pairs.

He returns a few days later and this time orders fifty.

The Jewish owner tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him R60.00 each.

The Chinese guy returns a month later and buys the store's remaining stock of

50, and this time for R75.00 each.
The Jewish owner is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black size 38 bras and asks the Chinese guy, "...please tell me - What do you do with all these black bras?"

The Chinese guy answers: "I cut them in half and sell them as skull caps to Jewish men for R200.00 each."




...and this is why the Chinese own us!

Business is Business!
 
 

 


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[Stainless1]

Johnboy called last night and told me this story....

"I met an older woman at the Mandalay Bay bar last
night. She looked pretty good for a 70-year-old. In fact,
she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking
she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a couple of
beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's
Double? 'What's that? I asked. 'It's a
mother and daughter threesome,' she said. As my mind
began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter
might look like, I said, 'No, I haven't.' We
drank a bit more, then she said with a wink,
'tonight's your lucky night'. We went back to
her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and
shouted upstairs:



'Mom...you still awake?'"  

[Speed Limit 1000]

We still had a good time

[floydjer]

Just returned from my Friday breakfast with the old car guys.....Tom mentioned that his hearing is  so bad that he sleeps right through the alarm clock AND his wife`s nagging.....Bill said his cataracts are so bad that he can`t see his watch well enough to read it....Harvey mentioned that his muscles are so stiff he can`t turn his head to admire the young girls anymore.....We all agreed that at our age...... Driving around in our old cars is the only fun we have left...................

[floydjer]

Went to the corner store last night to get a bottle o` wine for the bride (being half in the bag helps her tolerate me)..As I  walked out...a gorgeous young woman walked over and asked  if I were interested in trading sex for liquor..." Maybe "   I said " What brand do you have " ?

[fastesthonda_jim]

Okay, it seems a little dead around here.  I guess all the rain had quenched your humorous proclivities.  
So, in order to waste as much of your time as possible, I'll give you the below link - BTW it will help if you're a fan of the Lone Ranger.
And of the evil, appetite enhancing, weed.

http://stg.do/0N3c

P.S. send any of that rain you don't want down to San Diego, okay?

[salt27]

Now that was funny, Thanks.   

[wobblywalrus]

Ol Joe was ahead of his time when he wrote this one www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVyeBB1QahM

[wobblywalrus]

The stick shift.  A 21st century anti-theft device.

[floydjer]

I may be over thinking this...But, My doctor put me on a prescription that he says I`ll have to take for the rest of my life.....I just picked up the pills from the pharmacy and the bottle clearly says  " No re-fills'

[4-barrel Mike]

Don't worry about it. 

We'll maintain Stupid Joke Friday after you're gone. 

Mike 

[rouse]

Maybe we could all learn something about this, or maybe it's just funny??

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AF9nBjgcX3E

enjoy, I did

Rouse

[Peter Jack]

A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.

A boy, about 9, opened the door. 

"Is your dad or mom home?" said the farmer.   

"No, they went to town."

 "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"             

"No, he went with Mom and Dad."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, mumbling to himself, when the young boy says, "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message." 

"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably. "No, I really want to talk to your Dad, about your brother Howard getting my daughter Suzy pregnant".   

The boy thought for a moment, then says, "You will have to talk to my Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bulls and $150 for the pigs, but I have no idea how much he charges for Howard."

[tauruck]

I may be over thinking this...But, My doctor put me on a prescription that he says I`ll have to take for the rest of my life.....I just picked up the pills from the pharmacy and the bottle clearly says  " No re-fills'

If you're good you'll live forever, If you're bad, you'll die when you die!!!!
Jerry you're AWESOME.