1. When the book fell on my head, I had only my shelf to blame.
2. When my brother-in-law started telling a joke about his GPS, I wasn’t sure where it was going.
3. I have doubts about “Smartwater,” given how easily it was captured and bottled.
4. Never eat Oreo’s before going to the dentist. They hate that.
5. My wife told me I was good in bed last night. Well… what she actually said was that I didn’t snore at all the whole night.