Sheri,
Try not to get too angry at him for being a bit of a brat, it's trying to cope and trying to have some control of even one thing. The flip side is it gets impossible to be there for him 24/7, get everything done that has to get done, and then still eat and sleep. He'll have to allow a nurse and/or another willing friend/family to help, minimum.
I'm not in a much better location than Modesto to get you to UCSF (San Jose), hopefull someone further up the peninsula and near transit has some crash space so you can skip the long commute a few days each week with someone watching the place and taking in the mail back home. Other than that, mass transit MAX to Dublin/BART looks the most direct but ACE to CalTrain may allow more rest time. Driving back and forth dead tired is a no-no, please don't.
Sounds like it's still worth fighting, so go for it and good luck.