Author Topic: A Treatise on the Importance of Smoke  (Read 5672 times)

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Offline Rchop

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A Treatise on the Importance of Smoke
« on: December 04, 2009, 01:37:52 PM »
A Treatise on the Importance of Smoke

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Author: Joseph Lucas

All electrical components and wiring harnesses depend on proper
circuit functioning, which is the transmission of charged ions by
retention of the visible spectral manifestation known as "smoke".
Smoke is the thing that makes electrical circuits work. Don't be
fooled by scientists and engineers talking about excited electrons
and the like. Smoke is the key to all things electrical

We know this to be true because every time one lets the smoke out of
an electrical circuit, it stops working. This can be verified
repeatedly through empirical testing. For example, if one places a
large copper bar across the terminals of a battery, prodigious
quantities of smoke are liberated and the battery shortly ceases to
function. In addition, if one observes smoke escaping from an
electrical component such as a Lucas voltage regulator, it will also
be observed that the component no longer functions.
The logic is elementary and inescapable!

The function of the wiring harness is to conduct the smoke from one device to another.
When the wiring harness springs a leak and lets all the smoke out of the system, nothing works right afterward.
Starter motors were considered unsuitable for British motorcycles for
some time largely because they regularly released large quantities of
smoke from the electrical system.

It has been reported that Lucas electrical components are possibly
more prone to electrical leakage than their Bosch, Japanese or
American counterparts. Experts point out that this is because Lucas
is British, and all things British leak. British engines leak oil,
British shock absorbers, hydraulic forks, and disk brake systems leak
fluid, British tires leak air and British Intelligence leaks national
defense secrets.

Therefore, it follows that British electrical systems must leak
smoke. Once again, the logic is clear and inescapable.
Sometimes you may miss the component releasing the smoke that makes
your electrical system function correctly, but if you sniff around
you can often find the faulty component by the undeniable and
telltale smoke smell. Sometimes this is a better indicator than
standard electrical tests performed with a volt-ohm meter.

In conclusion, the basic concept of transmission of electrical energy
in the form of smoke provides a clear and logical explanation of the

mysteries of electrical components and why they fail.

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Thanks to my friend Harry for this one :cheers: This came from the Triumph owners forum
Each unexpected discovery is first ridiculed, then objected to and finally considered self evident
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Offline jimmy six

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Re: A Treatise on the Importance of Smoke
« Reply #1 on: December 04, 2009, 02:06:07 PM »
You forgot the  "MIRRORS"...Electricity is SMOKE and MORRORS...JD...Hi-voltage electrician for over 40 years.
First GMC 6 powered Fuel roadster over 200, with 2 red hats. Pit crew for Patrick Tone's Super Stock #49 Camaro

Offline fredvance

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Re: A Treatise on the Importance of Smoke
« Reply #2 on: December 04, 2009, 02:30:50 PM »
Lucas, the true Prince of Darkness. :evil:
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Offline Rchop

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Re: A Treatise on the Importance of Smoke
« Reply #3 on: December 04, 2009, 02:35:27 PM »
Get your Lucas replacement smoke kit (NOS) here  :-D http://www3.telus.net/bc_triumph_registry/smoke.htm
Each unexpected discovery is first ridiculed, then objected to and finally considered self evident
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Offline floydjer

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Re: A Treatise on the Importance of Smoke
« Reply #4 on: December 04, 2009, 02:58:09 PM »
Lucas invented the intermitant wiper.... :wink:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

McRat

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Re: A Treatise on the Importance of Smoke
« Reply #5 on: December 04, 2009, 03:40:44 PM »
I heard the guy who claimed to have invented the "pulsing headlight" stole the design from Triumph.  They were way ahead of their time.

Offline Milwaukee Midget

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Re: A Treatise on the Importance of Smoke
« Reply #6 on: December 04, 2009, 04:23:07 PM »
I just parted out a '75 Midget.  My buddy Clay and I were going through the pile of parts, which included some spare MGB parts, and a few pieces from my racer.  He held up an alternator and asked  "Where do you want to go with this?" 

Dirty, stinky, bleeding, and somewhat overwhelmed by the task at hand, and avoiding the temptation to tell him something rude, I made an executive decision -

"Clay, if it says 'Lucas' on it, throw it out".

In 20 years of working on my British cars, I never once regretted replacing a Lucas part with ANYTHING ELSE THAT WOULD WORK.

"Problems are almost always a sign of progress."  Harold Bettes
Well, I guess we're making a LOT of progress . . .  :roll:

McRat

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Re: A Treatise on the Importance of Smoke
« Reply #7 on: December 04, 2009, 04:34:28 PM »
Aren't those Midgets positive ground?  I think they put 3 wipers on them so at least one should function ...

Offline Dean Los Angeles

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Re: A Treatise on the Importance of Smoke
« Reply #8 on: December 04, 2009, 04:51:07 PM »
I worked for a Triumph motorcycle dealer a lot of years ago. I worked in the parts department. I put some sponges under the Triumph maintenance manuals. When the boss came by he asked what the sponges were for. I told him that Triumph's leaked oil so bad even the maintenance manual leaked oil.

We kicked Lucas around earlier:
http://www.landracing.com/forum/index.php/topic,5394.0.html

If you aren't a Triumph guy, the cases and covers never fit together very well, hence the leaks.

It still can't beat the first Yamaha four stroke. The 750 leaked oil (and blew head gaskets until Rev 7) and they ended up replacing EVERY engine. The entire engine was replaced, carbs and all. A buddy saw all of the engines in a huge dumpster at Yamaha headquarters and asked if he could have one. The answer was "Nope, they are all going to be crushed."

How did they leak? Through the cases. That's right, the cases were so porous the oil leaked through.
Well, it used to be Los Angeles . . . 50 miles north of Fresno now.
Just remember . . . It isn't life or death.
It's bigger than life or death! It's RACING.

Offline Milwaukee Midget

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Re: A Treatise on the Importance of Smoke
« Reply #9 on: December 04, 2009, 05:19:20 PM »
Aren't those Midgets positive ground?  I think they put 3 wipers on them so at least one should function ...

Positive ground until ~ 1966 or so - 3 wipers came in with the new safety standards ~ 1968 (X amount of windshield surface needed to be able to be cleared), although why somebody would put wipers a car that won't function in the rain is beyond me.

Smoke on the Water?
"Problems are almost always a sign of progress."  Harold Bettes
Well, I guess we're making a LOT of progress . . .  :roll:

Offline floydjer

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Re: A Treatise on the Importance of Smoke
« Reply #10 on: December 04, 2009, 07:26:39 PM »
Aren't those Midgets positive ground?  I think they put 3 wipers on them so at least one should function ...
"Earthed"  Did some repair on an M.G. trans. years ago. Nearly needed an English to English translation manual.
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Milwaukee Midget

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Re: A Treatise on the Importance of Smoke
« Reply #11 on: December 04, 2009, 07:34:36 PM »
"Earthed"  Did some repair on an M.G. trans. years ago. Nearly needed an English to English translation manual.

Yeah, ain't that a boot in the bonnet? :roll:
"Problems are almost always a sign of progress."  Harold Bettes
Well, I guess we're making a LOT of progress . . .  :roll: