Author Topic: Stupid joke FRIDAY  (Read 2171436 times)

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Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1170 on: January 11, 2013, 09:15:53 AM »
Let me steer this thread back on course..........................That reminds me of the indecisive rower...He couldn`t choose either oar :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline JustaRacer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1171 on: January 11, 2013, 09:28:04 AM »
Not sure everyone will see the humor in this unless you've ridden a motorcycle on hot day in shorts, can you say roasted nuts?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=nIoPQFCZJPg
« Last Edit: January 11, 2013, 10:42:43 AM by JustaRacer »
My doctor told me to go out and kill people.
Well, sort of.  He told me to reduce the stress in my life.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1172 on: January 18, 2013, 07:35:37 AM »
I`d wager that if a bath towel told jokes, It`s humor would be rather dry :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Rcktscientist

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1173 on: January 18, 2013, 11:35:29 AM »
Every time I start thinking about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour and by the time I leave, I look just fine. :-D

Ever have Deja Moo? The feeling that you've heard this Bull before.

And finally, in memory of the  voice of Dear Abbey who passed this past week...

Dear Abby,
What can I do about the Sex, nudity, language and violence on my VCR?

Dear Abby,
I am a 23 year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for 2 years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enoough to discuss money with him.

Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?

Dear Abby,
I suspected that my husband was fooling around, and when I confronted him with the evidnce he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months, I didn't know he drank until he came home sober.



Offline USFRAMONTE

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1174 on: January 18, 2013, 11:40:35 AM »
Grandpa had been hospitalized and was struggling to return to good health.
His family decided to visit him.  As they entered the hallway the little granddaughter
ran ahead of the rest of the family and got to Grandpa's room first.  She said,
"Grandpa, can you make a noise like a frog?"  Grandpa replied, " why do you ask that?"
The granddaughter answers, "mommy said that when you croak we can all go to
Disneyland."

Offline JustaRacer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1175 on: January 18, 2013, 05:35:26 PM »
I wonder why it took lance Armstrong so long to confess?  I guess he didn't have enough balls.
« Last Edit: January 18, 2013, 05:38:59 PM by JustaRacer »
My doctor told me to go out and kill people.
Well, sort of.  He told me to reduce the stress in my life.

Offline will6er

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1176 on: January 18, 2013, 10:46:57 PM »
Someone asked Bill Clinton, "How is Hillary's head?"

He said, "Well, she's no Monica."

Offline Speed Limit 1000

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1177 on: January 19, 2013, 12:52:35 AM »
That was a good one :-D :cheers:
John Gowetski, red hat @ 221.183 MPH MSA Lakester, Bockscar #1000 60 ci normally aspirated w/N20

Offline 4-barrel Mike

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1178 on: January 25, 2013, 10:04:46 AM »
My crazy uncle in Red Bluff thought that this thread needs some input, so he sent the following:

Noun
lexophile (plural lexophiles)

1.     A lover of words, especially in word games, puzzles, anagrams, palindromes, etc.

Well, here we go!.

To write with a broken pencil is . . . pointless.
 
When fish are in schools they sometimes . . . take debate.
 
A thief who stole a calendar . . . got twelve months.
 
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles . . . U.C.L.A.
 
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes . . . was on shaky ground.
 
The batteries were given out . . . free of charge.
 
A dentist and a manicurist married . . . They fought tooth and nail.
 
A will is a . . . dead giveaway.
 
With her marriage, she got a new name . . . and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you . . . A-flat miner.

You are stuck with your debt if . . . you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia : . . . The LAN down under.

A boiled egg is . . . hard to beat.

When you've seen one shopping center . . . you've seen a mall.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was . . . resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? . . . He's all right now.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could . . .. jog your memory.

A bicycle can't stand alone; . . . it is two tired.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, . . . it's your Count that votes.

When a clock is hungry . . .. it goes back four seconds

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine . . . was fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory . . . which was never developed.

Those who get too big for their britches will be . . . exposed in the end.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair . . . she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture: . . . a jab well done.

 :cheers:

Mike
Mike Kelly - PROUD owner of the V4F that powered the #1931 VGC to a 82.803 mph record in 2008!

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1179 on: January 25, 2013, 10:18:53 AM »
Did you hear that the Olympic committee has decided to include origami as a sport in the next summer games???....It will only be seen on ....paper-view
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1180 on: January 25, 2013, 10:20:16 AM »
What do you call a group of rabbits hopping backward???     A receeding hare-line :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline USFRAMONTE

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1181 on: January 25, 2013, 11:18:59 AM »
Two Arabs riding a camel across the desert were clocked at 125 mph.
How is that possible you ask?

Twin turbans!

Offline JustaRacer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1182 on: January 25, 2013, 11:22:09 AM »
The Standing Position to P.ss
Is Not Exclusively H.s
But When Girls Assay
To Do It That Way
They Are More Than Likely To Ms.

Willie Saw Some Dynomite
Could Not Understand It Quite
Curiousity Seldom Pays
It Rained Willie Seven Days.

Old Mother Hubbard ...  Ah, we'll skip that one.

Jack And Jill Went Up The Hill
To Have A Little Fun
Silly Jill Forgot Her Pill
And Now They Have A Son.
My doctor told me to go out and kill people.
Well, sort of.  He told me to reduce the stress in my life.

Offline Dean Los Angeles

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1183 on: January 25, 2013, 11:35:22 AM »
Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To get her poor daughter a dress
The cupboard was bare
And so was her daughter I guess
Well, it used to be Los Angeles . . . 50 miles north of Fresno now.
Just remember . . . It isn't life or death.
It's bigger than life or death! It's RACING.

Offline Jon

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1184 on: January 25, 2013, 02:01:31 PM »
Mary had a little dress
The split went went up the side
When Mary took a step you could see right up her thigh

Mary had another dress
The split was up the front
She didn't wear that very often
Underhouse Engineering
Luck = Opportunity + Preparation^3