Landracing Forum

Humor -- stories, links, etc -- may not be right for kids to read! => THE place for (what you think is) funny stuff. => Topic started by: floydjer on March 28, 2010, 12:24:07 PM

Title: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on March 28, 2010, 12:24:07 PM
Thought we could use a place for "Words to live by" So, Here goes..............." Body odor is nature`s alarm clock, and I think my neighbor has been hitting the snooze button" :cheers:
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Gwillard on March 28, 2010, 12:52:04 PM
From "The Art of Racing in the Rain":

"That which you manifest is before you"

"Somewhere, the zebra is dancing"

and my favorite,

"Those monkey-thumbs were meant for dogs. Give me my thumbs, you fu**ing monkeys!"
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Milwaukee Midget on March 28, 2010, 01:05:45 PM
The prefix of "Success" is "Sucks".

Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Seldom Seen Slim on March 28, 2010, 02:12:34 PM
"Gravity is a myth.  In reality -- the entire Earth sucks."
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: theazoldcrow on March 28, 2010, 02:54:56 PM
  :-o  "Life is an overflowing toilet bowl, and people but pieces of s--- clinging to the sides."   ( This is NOT one of my quotes, just thought I'd share it tho!            Crow
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: racergeo on March 28, 2010, 03:05:07 PM
    Politically-Freedom is not the lack of Justice but the proper use of justice.

    Socially-We don't buy em we just sell em, we don't eat em we just smell em.

    Engine building-Throw it up in the air, if it comes back down it's too heavy.

    Bonneville car building-If you can throw it up in the air it's too light.

    Life in general-If it can't kill ya, it can't thrill ya.

Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: wolcottjl on March 28, 2010, 03:38:47 PM
There is a quote attributed to Hemingway but probably authored by Ken Purdy.

There are only three sports: bullfighting, motor racing, and mountaineering; all the rest are merely games.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: 4-barrel Mike on March 28, 2010, 03:50:58 PM
There are two kinds of fools in the world:
Those who loan tools, and
Those who return them.

 :cheers:

Mike
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on March 28, 2010, 10:13:58 PM
'I`d rather have a bottle in front of me ,Than a frotal lobotomy" :cheers: (USED to live by that one)
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Dean Los Angeles on March 28, 2010, 10:16:26 PM
Corporate management is like a cesspool. The big chunks tend to rise to the top.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: michael lueders on March 29, 2010, 02:26:27 PM
"I have learned to use the word 'impossible' with the greatest caution."
Wernher von Braun

"Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing."
Wernher von Braun
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: landsendlynda on March 29, 2010, 02:42:32 PM
It's Bonneville....miracles happen!!

Lynda
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Glen on March 29, 2010, 02:48:34 PM
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Gwillard on March 29, 2010, 03:32:36 PM
Making good decisions comes from experience which comes from making poor decisions.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: theazoldcrow on March 29, 2010, 09:40:01 PM
 :-o No!!!!  It wasn't hot!!!  It just doesn't take me long to look at my welds!    (Personal experience!)
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Stainless1 on March 29, 2010, 10:13:42 PM
Making good decisions comes from experience which comes from making poor decisions.

Bad decisions have a long shelf life...
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: t russell on April 01, 2010, 10:01:57 PM
all it takes is TLC a truck load of cash
terry
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: mkilger on April 01, 2010, 11:04:01 PM
it doesnt take 5years to build a roadster
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on April 01, 2010, 11:08:06 PM
Of all the things I`ve lost,...I miss my mind the most :cheers:
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Milwaukee Midget on April 01, 2010, 11:09:36 PM
It's either "Yes" or "No", but it can't be both, despite the fact that it usually is.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: 116ciHemi on April 02, 2010, 02:21:39 PM
"For a dollar each you two got true love. We just got screwed."

Ok, I suppose you really had to be there, but it's to good of a line to pass up.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: RidgeRunner on April 03, 2010, 12:10:43 AM
Why is it there is never enough time to do it right the first time but always time to do it right the second time...........

Advice from a respected mentor years ago.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: relaxedphit on April 17, 2010, 08:13:29 AM
From my father-- "you want fair? the state fair comes in october."
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: will6er on April 17, 2010, 10:32:18 PM
"Murphy was an optimist"

"Never let the facts get in the way of a good story"

Will
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: grumm441 on April 18, 2010, 05:04:46 AM
"if it wasn't for the last minute, when would anything get done?"
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: DavidinDurango on April 18, 2010, 12:57:51 PM
Sort of misquoted here, insert names as appropriate.

"Nobody goes faster than Sparky."

"I ain't nobody, dork."
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Joe Timney on April 18, 2010, 03:53:58 PM
It's what you learn after 'you know it all' that counts!
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on April 19, 2010, 11:06:37 AM
Friends will come, and friends will go,and friends will peter -out,you know/ But we`ll be friends through thick or thin,peters out or peters in. :evil:
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: bbarn on April 19, 2010, 11:15:22 AM
You can make things happen...
You can watch things happen...
or you can stand around and wonder what just happened.

Try not to be in the third group.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Milwaukee Midget on April 21, 2010, 09:52:25 PM
"The problem with options is that they require decisions." - Slim Licketysplit
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: SlyOneJr on May 15, 2010, 12:30:34 AM
We do it nice, cause we do it twice...
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: 116ciHemi on May 17, 2010, 11:53:34 PM
It's not how fast you go, it's how you go fast.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on June 22, 2010, 10:37:57 AM
Madness takes it`s toll...Please have exact change :cheers:
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: LSR Mike on June 22, 2010, 01:21:08 PM
Nothing/No one is completely worthless, it/they can always serve as a bad example.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Dakzila on June 22, 2010, 02:19:56 PM


“It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see.”   Henry David Thoreau
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on June 22, 2010, 09:42:40 PM
Don`t be "That guy on youtube"
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: aircap on June 22, 2010, 11:38:39 PM
Quote
Nothing/No one is completely worthless, it/they can always serve as a bad example.

My 9th grade science teacher said that nearly every day.... followed my something like, "Ya don't wanna end up like Covington, here - do ya?".
(Covington was the prototypical a-hole/dum#shit/loser)
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: wobblywalrus on June 22, 2010, 11:59:30 PM
Nothing screws up a good plan in a worse way than excessive thinking.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: relaxedphit on June 24, 2010, 12:45:57 PM
Every person can teach you something--even if it's only patience.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Richard Thomason on June 24, 2010, 12:53:40 PM
Never grow old with an old car.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: John Burk on June 24, 2010, 02:31:15 PM
I don't understand all I know about  _ _ _ _ _  .
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Stainless1 on June 24, 2010, 03:18:00 PM
The problem is that some the facts we know simply aren't true....
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: t russell on June 24, 2010, 11:17:19 PM
I knew more at 16 than I do at 50 :?
terry
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Cajun Kid on June 26, 2010, 08:34:18 PM
I knew more at 16 than I do at 50 :?
terry

I did more at 16 than I did at 50,,,,, hey wait,,, I ain't 50 yet !!!  give me  22 months and I will report back
(just feeling older the last few months)

Charles
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: WOODY@DDLLC on June 26, 2010, 09:15:10 PM
Every day we learn more and more about less and less so we'll end up knowing everything about nothing!  :?
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Warp12 on June 26, 2010, 09:50:29 PM
....
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: John Noonan on July 04, 2010, 02:37:24 AM
....

You don't say..?


 :mrgreen:
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: theazoldcrow on July 04, 2010, 11:24:09 AM
 :? He didn't!   Crow.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on July 05, 2010, 10:57:17 AM
There is no "I" in team, But there are four in " Platitude quoting Idiot" :cheers:
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: relaxedphit on July 09, 2010, 12:20:30 PM
One from Helen Keller--"Security is mostly a superstition. It is not found in nature nor do the children of men as whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer, in the long run, than outright exposure. Life is daring adventure or nothing at all."

I'm much too old to act this damn young.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: LittleLiner on July 09, 2010, 02:57:46 PM
One of my former coaches said . . . "It is better to act like a winner when you don't win than to act like a loser when you do win"

Sign over a door. . ."All who pass through here bring joy. . . Some when they enter and some when they leave."

Sign in a classroom. . . "You have the right to remain silent.  Please do."

What an Army drill instructor said to me and 4 others our first day in the service . . . "You five! . .  half of you come with me."

On the ability to remember stuff . . ."My recall is perfect.  I can't remember the last time my memory failed."

Old Cobra Gunship Pilot during the Vietnam war - "There are two kinds of people . . . some are Gunship Pilots and all the rest are Targets"
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: mrfab on July 09, 2010, 05:29:23 PM
"Build it, Race it, Break it, Fix it"
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: jdincau on July 09, 2010, 06:00:59 PM
"You guys could break an anvil with a feather in a sand box!"
-----parts manufacturer to TAD crew----
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: fastesthonda_jim on July 09, 2010, 10:54:36 PM
There are 10 types of people in the world.... those who understand binary and those who don't   :? :?
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on July 09, 2010, 10:58:40 PM
"You guys could break an anvil with a feather in a sand box!"
-----parts manufacturer to TAD crew----
My machinist once told me I could break a bowling ball in a rubber room..................
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on July 11, 2010, 10:45:48 AM
I used to be indecisive.....I`m not sure if I still am.............................
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: bbarn on July 11, 2010, 04:06:24 PM
I thought I had mono once....turns out I was just bored.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: johnbeck on November 04, 2010, 03:46:17 PM
It worked before I fixed it.
You don't have to build a swimming pool to prove that bowling balls don't float.
I drive better when I'm drunk.
The older I get , the faster I was.
From my dad;" Don't worry son , some day you'll ride a Harley and your balls will drop , your voice will change and you'll start liking girls".
Also from dad; "If your gonna work for a living you better find somthing you like to do because you will be doing that for the rest of your life"
One day while I was trying to get stuff done at the shop my dad walked in with the carb off of his boat and he wanted me to go threw it for him , "like right now". Later I was teling a good freind who's dad had passed away years ago , about how my dad had took over my day that way and he told me" I wish my dad could walk into my shop" Since then those were words to live by.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: DallasV on November 04, 2010, 05:14:38 PM
Some funny and thought provoking racing quotes I found:

If everything seems to be in control, you're not going fast enough. - Mario Andretti

Guys, you can date whomever you want, but marry a girl who can back up a trailer. - Michael Martin Murphy

It is more fun to drive a slow car fast than to drive a fast car slow. - Abner Perney

Better to be a racer for a moment then a spectator for a lifetime.

to the wheels on the bus song: A Mazda on its roof goes "wooz wooz wooz"

DNF beats DNS.

The ideal race car will expire 100 yards past the finish line. -Stirling Moss

You can't make a race horse out of a pig. But if you work hard enough at it you can make a mighty fast pig. - Bob Akin

We all have one thing in common: the relentless pursuit of grip.

If I had all the money I'd spent on cars ... I'd spend it all on cars. - Scott Fisher

Racing is the process of turning money into noise.

Racing costs today exactly the same as it did twenty years ago ... it takes every penny you have.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: PanchoPistoles on November 04, 2010, 08:39:09 PM
It is important to relax your muscles whenever possible. To relax your brain is fatal. -- Sterling Moss
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: racergeo on November 04, 2010, 09:38:02 PM
  Sign in my machine shop.......... WE PUT YOUR WORK BEFORE EVERONE   who comes in after you.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: racergeo on November 04, 2010, 11:20:42 PM
  That is .. WE PUT YOUR WORK BEFORE EVERYONE
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: relaxedphit on November 05, 2010, 12:16:58 PM
One from my dad-"If you're gonna be dumb, you better be tough."
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Cajun Kid on November 05, 2010, 03:14:25 PM
Crew Chief talking with driver in an effort to explain an engine failure to the car owner/sponsor.

Crew Chief: now driver what exactly happened?
Driver: Well I dumped the clutch and the bit*h hooked real hard off the line, when I grabbed 2nd. gear she lit the tires up and over revved the motor, then next thing I know BOOM !! the engine blew up and scattered parts everywhere.

Owner to Crew Chief:  now Chief, you know I don't understand all those technical and mechanical terms you all use, but what exactly did "your driver" do to "my" car.

Crew Chief to Owner: Well you see the car launched real well off the line and then as the weight transferred forward the driver was shifting into second gear the rear tires experienced a very sudden and unexpected extreme loss of adhesion. This was so violent and sudden it caused the engine to exceed the safe limits of the RPM range and as such the Block was unable to contain all of it's internal parts.

CV
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Freud on November 05, 2010, 04:23:45 PM
Then the MF puked.

FREUD
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Milwaukee Midget on November 06, 2010, 05:03:28 PM
Crew Chief talking with driver in an effort to explain an engine failure to the car owner/sponsor.

Crew Chief: now driver what exactly happened?
Driver: Well I dumped the clutch and the bit*h hooked real hard off the line, when I grabbed 2nd. gear she lit the tires up and over revved the motor, then next thing I know BOOM !! the engine blew up and scattered parts everywhere.

Owner to Crew Chief:  now Chief, you know I don't understand all those technical and mechanical terms you all use, but what exactly did "your driver" do to "my" car.

Crew Chief to Owner: Well you see the car launched real well off the line and then as the weight transferred forward the driver was shifting into second gear the rear tires experienced a very sudden and unexpected extreme loss of adhesion. This was so violent and sudden it caused the engine to exceed the safe limits of the RPM range and as such the Block was unable to contain all of it's internal parts.

CV

Owner to Owner's wife --

"Honey, where's the checkbook?"
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on April 22, 2011, 08:32:48 AM
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit....Wisdom is not putting one in a fruit salad.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: fastman614 on April 22, 2011, 12:36:50 PM
Here is one to NOT live by.... these are actual famous last words by our sometimes crew chief from about 10 years ago... "Naw, Naw..... the car WON'T qualify for the record!..... We are just going out for a tune-up pass-We don't need to get the gas tank sealed!"......

and an hour later the car ran 3 miles per hour over the record with an UNsealed gas tank.....
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: McRat on April 22, 2011, 02:04:11 PM
Oldy but goody:  Arguing with the Tech guy is like wrestling a pig in the mud.  You're not going win, and only one of you is going to enjoy the experience.

Tip for successful engine operation:  Always make sure the tach needle enters the redzone from the left side.

Life begins at 50.  PSIG that is.

There is no such thing as too much traction.  It just means you need more power.

Always put "check fasteners" on the checklist.  Especially for the loose nut behind the wheel.

The most common method of weight reduction involves the lightening of the wallet.

At every point in a project there comes a time to shoot the engineer and just finish the dang thing.



Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: DallasV on April 22, 2011, 06:48:26 PM
From Gordon Hoyt the first time I ran one of his motors. "Dallas, a race motor only lives for a limited amount of runs, Try not to F#CK any of them up...ok"
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Richard 2 on August 01, 2011, 10:14:26 PM
I'm worried I don't have anything to worry about.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Glen on August 01, 2011, 10:24:54 PM
On Hoyt's dash board (the car that crashed) it said SH*T HAPPENS.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Pete1 on August 01, 2011, 10:55:18 PM
And then the old standard that is in hundred's of shops all over the country...

Gasoline is for washing parts.
Alcohol is for drinking.
Nitro makes cars go FAST.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: ChrisLenahan on August 01, 2011, 10:57:14 PM
There is a quote attributed to Hemingway but probably authored by Ken Purdy.

There are only three sports: bullfighting, motor racing, and mountaineering; all the rest are merely games.

No, it actually is Hemingway from "The Sun Also Rises"
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: 38flattie on August 01, 2011, 11:25:00 PM
There is a quote attributed to Hemingway but probably authored by Ken Purdy.

There are only three sports: bullfighting, motor racing, and mountaineering; all the rest are merely games.

No, it actually is Hemingway from "The Sun Also Rises"

Chris, I don't think so. Hemingway gets credit for the quote, but I believe it was actually Purdy, in Blood Sport.



I'd sure like to hear the passage from "The Sun Also Rises"

Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Roadster943 on August 01, 2011, 11:40:28 PM
     Even a broke clock is right twice a day.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Roadster943 on August 01, 2011, 11:43:56 PM
  Bonneville Racing.  The sheer joy of spending every dime you've got, racing for nothing but glory.  David Freiburger in HRM
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: coloradodave on August 02, 2011, 12:00:16 AM
" I built this bike so you and your brother won't have to change my diapers some day "
We just finished the 1000cc mpbf bike to be run at Speedweek this year.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: grumm441 on August 02, 2011, 04:00:15 AM
The gasoline is so bad here, it pings when you wash parts with it
G
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Dakin Engineering on August 02, 2011, 04:24:36 AM
It was faster on the trailer.

Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Clay Pitkin on August 02, 2011, 01:35:50 PM
Those who said it cannot be done, should not stand in the way of those who are already doing it!

It's not how good you look going there, its how cool you look getting there!
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Seldom Seen Slim on August 02, 2011, 01:58:18 PM
Your toolbox needs only two tools:  WD40 and duct tape.

If what you're working on doesn't move, but should -- use the WD40.

If it does move and it shouldn't -- use the duct tape.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Pete1 on August 02, 2011, 09:29:35 PM
The cost of building a Bonneville car can be estimated very accurately before work starts.
"Everything you make minus 10% to live on"
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Robin UK on August 03, 2011, 03:54:10 AM
I've no idea what the answer is but I really admire the problem.

Robin
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on August 03, 2011, 12:59:36 PM
Some like women with long legs, Some like women with short legs.......I`m happy with something in between............................... :wink:
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on August 19, 2011, 02:27:05 PM
We have enough gun control...How `bout some idiot control???
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: johnneilson on August 19, 2011, 11:37:38 PM
How about adding some chlorine to the gene pool.........
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Richard 2 on August 25, 2011, 01:12:42 PM
The first hat cost a fortune
"The second hat is only ten dollars"  by DW
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: oz on August 25, 2011, 01:55:44 PM
Life is like a S#it sandwhich
the more bread you have the less S#it you have to eat.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Bob Drury on August 26, 2011, 01:11:47 AM
  " land speed racing is like throwing money in a cash toilet and flushing it"...........  Me, I think......                                                   Bob  (but I love it......) :cheers: :cheers:
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Stainless1 on August 26, 2011, 08:21:43 AM
Hey Bob, ya know if it has tits or wheels sooner or later it will be a problem....
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: smitty2 on August 26, 2011, 11:04:10 AM
Someone once told me that "The smoke is not going all the way up your chimney"... I wonder what that means?   :?
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Dean Los Angeles on August 26, 2011, 11:56:01 AM
Speed is limited by the law of cubes.

Cubic Inches and Cubic Dollars.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Bob Drury on August 26, 2011, 12:23:39 PM
  Smitty, if you are talking about the 60's or 70's, I plead Guilty..............  Bob
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: theazoldcrow on August 26, 2011, 12:31:21 PM
 :-o A recent quote from a friend, "Your nuttier than a squirrel turd!"  Hope he wasn't infering that I,,,,,hmmmmm
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: 55chevr on August 26, 2011, 01:20:27 PM
"You can never have too much fuel, unless you are on fire."
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Dean Los Angeles on August 26, 2011, 01:29:45 PM
Back in the 60's I watched Gene Romero win an AMA national race and blew away the field.

They interviewed his tuner and said the bike and rider couldn't be more perfect.

He said:

"You are absolutely wrong. Perfect is when you win by lapping the field twice. As the bike crosses the finish line you run out of gas, the frame breaks in two, the engine explodes and the rider dies of exhaustion. That's perfect"
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Pete1 on August 26, 2011, 02:50:36 PM
Back in the 60's I watched Gene Romero win an AMA national race and blew away the field.

They interviewed his tuner and said the bike and rider couldn't be more perfect.

He said:

"You are absolutely wrong. Perfect is when you win by lapping the field twice. As the bike crosses the finish line you run out of gas, the frame breaks in two, the engine explodes and the rider dies of exhaustion. That's perfect"

That's funny as a rubber crutch.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on August 26, 2011, 03:12:52 PM
It`s a small world, But I still wouldn`t want to paint it...............
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: rambler jack on August 26, 2011, 11:10:27 PM
Its even funnier if the crutch has a wheel on the end of it.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on September 09, 2011, 06:23:19 AM
If all is not lost...Where is it??
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: theazoldcrow on September 09, 2011, 10:13:05 AM
 :-o  "If you think youve got IT all together,,,,,,What's that all around IT?"
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on September 30, 2011, 08:33:27 AM
Monday seems like a poor way to spend 1/7 th of your life.................
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: dw230 on September 30, 2011, 10:48:55 AM
I discovered a truth of life last Sunday at a charity event held at Malibu Vineyards.

If you hold a party for 300-350 people on your front lawn and are able to announce that the entertainment is now appearing in the 'upper' ampitheater - you have arrived.

Hell - I don't even have a lower ampitheater!

DW
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Freud on September 30, 2011, 11:34:48 AM
I'm not hampered by the lack of a structure.....I don't have 300-500 friends.

I'll drink to that.

FREUD
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: The wonderful One on September 30, 2011, 04:47:56 PM
For those of you that still think that pi are square. BS. Pi are round --- corn bread are square. The Wonderful One
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Stan Back on September 30, 2011, 06:28:42 PM
.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: 4-barrel Mike on September 30, 2011, 06:59:50 PM
.

I LOVE short quotes, easier for me to remember!  :mrgreen:

Mike
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Pete1 on September 30, 2011, 08:15:36 PM

"You didn't turn 180 you idiot, you are reading the heat gauge"
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: WOODY@DDLLC on October 01, 2011, 09:48:13 AM
Words to live by!  :-D
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on October 21, 2011, 09:50:12 AM
If you haven`t grown up by 50.........You don`t have to.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: saltwheels262 on October 21, 2011, 07:01:48 PM
" if stupid was against the law - you'd be in jail."

franey
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on October 11, 2012, 01:03:07 PM
Why is is that the key to success doesn`t fit any of the locks I own ???? :?
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Milwaukee Midget on October 11, 2012, 03:45:32 PM
Why is is that the key to success doesn`t fit any of the locks I own ???? :?

Jerry, I don't know if this answers the question, but it does give insight -

 the prefix of "Success" is "Sucks".
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on October 12, 2012, 08:40:44 AM
MM.....And you must suck and suck until you succeed................................... :wink:
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: WOODY@DDLLC on October 26, 2012, 11:14:57 AM
BTW: Years ago I caught holy heck from the PC thought police for putting this on my corporate email signature line!  :evil:
"We live in a Newtonian world of Einsteinian physics ruled by Frankenstein logic" David Russell  :-o
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: JustaRacer on October 26, 2012, 11:20:02 AM
"I fear not Tojo, Hitler, nor Mussolini, for I have American Iron and will smite thee with 16 deadly pushrods!"
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on October 26, 2012, 01:18:50 PM
I`m not afraid of juggling...................i just don`t have the balls to try it...
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: grumm441 on October 26, 2012, 10:40:44 PM
.






.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Captthundarr on October 26, 2012, 10:46:22 PM
.






.


?
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Stainless1 on October 27, 2012, 12:00:27 AM
.






.


?

!
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on February 01, 2013, 09:13:15 AM
Life is much simpler when you plow around the stumps. :cheers:
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: LSR Mike on February 01, 2013, 12:26:22 PM
heard that on TV yesterday!
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: tauruck on February 11, 2013, 09:30:27 PM
Life is like a supermarket. You can choose anything you like but when you get to the check out you gotta pay!.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on February 22, 2013, 08:06:03 AM
" You`re as useful as Amish tech support" :cheers:
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on March 22, 2013, 08:23:25 AM
The only substitute for good manners are quick reflexes.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: theazoldcrow on March 24, 2013, 08:07:52 PM
Earth, is an intergalactic insaneasylum.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Randall Parker on March 27, 2013, 12:06:49 AM
There are only three sports: bullfighting, motor racing, and mountaineering; all the rest are merely games.

I believe it goes, "If you can't die...It aint a sport!
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: manta22 on March 27, 2013, 03:20:38 PM
There are only three sports: bullfighting, motor racing, and mountaineering; all the rest are merely games.
I believe it goes, "If you can't die...It aint a sport!

That's a quote from Ernest Hemmingway....
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: fordboy628 on April 05, 2013, 12:42:58 PM
"Indecision, the key to flexibility. . . . . ."
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Seldom Seen Slim on April 05, 2013, 12:46:03 PM
I've always wondered what "procrastination" means, but I keep putting off looking it up.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Milwaukee Midget on April 05, 2013, 01:25:40 PM
"Indecision, the key to flexibility. . . . . ."

I don't know - let me get back to you on that . . .
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on April 12, 2013, 08:00:22 AM
Nothing is fool-proof to a determined fool
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: bearingburner on April 17, 2013, 09:26:43 PM
If you don't know where you are going,how will you know when you get there ?
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on May 15, 2013, 08:12:35 AM
" That kid is so stupid, He could spend an hour counting his nuts and get a different number every time" :cheers:
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: saltracer1 on May 15, 2013, 09:10:23 AM
Even a blind squirrell finds a nut every now and then.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: John Burk on June 04, 2013, 09:39:11 PM
"A problem well stated is a problem half solved." Charles F. Kettering
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: dw230 on June 05, 2013, 10:39:58 AM
Never buy a car you can't push.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on June 05, 2013, 12:44:18 PM
Never marry a woman that can`t back-up a trailer
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on June 07, 2013, 08:29:24 AM
We have enough gun control...How about more idiot control?
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on September 08, 2013, 10:27:25 AM
If all is not lost....Where is it??
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: mitchell968 on September 08, 2013, 10:45:41 AM
  the fish dont wait for speedweek .   ( alaska fisherman 17 yrs )
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on September 28, 2013, 08:15:01 AM
There are two theories as to the best way to win an arguement with a woman.....................Neither of them work.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on September 28, 2013, 08:38:37 AM
All men get heavier as they age...It`s from the additional knowledge stored in our brains ( My story, I`m sticking to it )
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on October 01, 2013, 09:51:36 AM
It is always darkest before dawn....So if you`re going to steal the neighbors newspaper..That`s the time to do it :cheers:
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Ron Gibson on October 04, 2013, 11:08:42 AM

Politicians are like diapers. They need to be changed often and for the same reason.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on October 04, 2013, 12:06:27 PM
Just be happy you`re not getting all the government you`re paying for   ( Will Rogers)
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on October 10, 2013, 12:09:23 PM
Pun....The lowest form of humor. Especially if you don`t say it first.     Ambrose Bierce, " The Devils Dictionary" :cheers:
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on March 13, 2014, 01:31:21 PM
Nothing says " Poor workmanship" like wrinkles in duct tape. :cheers:
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: tauruck on March 24, 2014, 08:36:39 AM


     "Piston Broke"      :-D
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on April 02, 2014, 01:54:04 PM
You can learn alot about a woman`s mood by looking at her hands...If she`s holding a gun?/ She`s probably mad about something.... :cheers:
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on May 06, 2014, 02:03:35 PM
I have no idea how I posted that in two threads at once.................
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on May 06, 2014, 02:05:30 PM
But...I`ve decided not to plan my days in advance ......." Premeditated' gets used in court too often as it is..................................
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: 4-barrel Mike on May 06, 2014, 03:20:39 PM
I have no idea how I posted that in two threads at once.................

The second one was 7 minutes 3 seconds after the one above.  Do you remember what you had for breakfast?  :mrgreen:

Mike
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Stainless1 on May 07, 2014, 11:52:49 PM
Coffee and a joint?  :-D  :roll:  :cheers:
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Milwaukee Midget on May 08, 2014, 12:42:29 AM
On being a pro . . .

The longer you take to make the decision, the longer it will take to implement.

Conversely, backtracking on a bad decision also wastes time.

In the end, you are either proactive or you procrastinate.

So even if you act like a pro, the paint will STILL be wet when you put the car on the trailer.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on May 08, 2014, 07:57:47 AM
No one has ever called from  Las Vegas just to say " Hi " :cheers:
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: aircooledtechguy on May 26, 2014, 12:09:44 AM
You may not get what you pay for, but you always pay for what you get.

Why worry about death; it'll come sooner or later.

Aerodynamics are for people who can’t build engines. – Enzo Ferrari

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. – Henry Ford

The crashes people remember, but drivers remember the near misses. – Mario Andretti
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: grumm441 on August 04, 2014, 06:02:05 PM
.

.


?

!

I still stand behind my previous statement
G
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on August 22, 2014, 10:02:13 AM
Always give the toughest job to the laziest employee...He`ll find a better way to do it quicker.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Stainless1 on August 22, 2014, 10:38:51 AM
Thanks Jerry, for demonstrating where to post what...
I thought the Friday thread had taken a bad turn, then you got it back on track.... and then you posted a non-Friday type post where it goes....

Posted Previously by me, but worthy of this thread....
When I drink, everybody buys  :cheers:


Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on October 10, 2014, 08:09:41 AM
famous last words....." You don`t have the b*lls to pull that trigger"
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on October 16, 2014, 10:53:35 AM
You know....when i was a kid, You could walk down to the corner store..get a couple cans of coke, a candy bar or two and a comic book and still have money in your pocket. Can`t do that today...Too f`n many security cameras....................
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: tauruck on October 16, 2014, 11:17:36 AM
 :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D
Jerry!!!!
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Seldom Seen Slim on October 16, 2014, 11:56:57 AM
Tomorrow night the Lowe's Hoes (as the girls call themselves) and I are going to a comedy club.  We know this place always starts out with an open mike session, so I've got a few that I've culled from here that I'll try on that audience.  if you've got one that's really great -- needs to be a story-type joke, not a one liner, please -- post it here even though it's not necessarily a quotation.

Oh, yeah -- speaking of quotations. . .  The other day I engraved about 200 Mason jar-type been glasses for a local pub/bowling alley.  Each of the glasses had one (of four) quotes on it.

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.     Kaiser Wilhelm

There's no such thing as a bad beer.  It's that some taste better than others.      Billy Carter

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk.  That will teach you to keep your moth shut.      Ernest Hemingway

I am a firm believer in the people.  If given the truth they can be depended upon to meet and national crisis.  The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer.      Abraham Lincoln

I can't find them in my photo file, but you can see a sample on the Kudos Laser Facebook page:

https://www.facebook.com/kudoslaser
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: fastesthonda_jim on October 16, 2014, 12:32:43 PM
Th..th..this is a gr..gre...great j...j...joke.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5aweaoakyK8

Should bring down the house if you can do it krecklie
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Milwaukee Midget on October 16, 2014, 12:39:34 PM

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.     Kaiser Wilhelm


I had no idea that Augusta Victoria was a teetotaler . . .
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Seldom Seen Slim on October 16, 2014, 12:42:53 PM
Jim, I enjoyed Mel Tillis back then - and now, too.  But the way the video ends leaves quite a bit of room for interpretation or ad libbing my own ending.  Yeah, the foot in the grave is a good lead to the punchline -- but I'll have to work on it for a while before I can use it.

Understand that I want to have good audience reaction for my "jokes".  There'll be three of us up there, one at a time, and the winner -- the one that gets the most applause -- winds a big pitcher of beer.  I want the girls that are with me to have that to enjoy - so I can enjoy driving them home. :evil: :evil:
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: fastesthonda_jim on October 16, 2014, 01:49:29 PM
Yeah, the end is a bit weak.  I first heard it on XM Radio on a comedy channel and it went a bit further, I thought, with Mel finishing it off.
Good Yuk with your presentation.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Glen on October 16, 2014, 03:44:28 PM
Sure tell that racing season and now into the silly season,  :-D
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Seldom Seen Slim on October 24, 2014, 08:30:09 AM
This isn't quite a quotation, but it is kind of silly.  It's a song written by G.F. Handel, titled "Happy We".  Take a listen - especially to the words.  They're appropriate for a Friday morning with the approach of the weekend.

http://cs536514.vk.me/u4809288/audios/b791bf8f0d57.mp3?extra=EbHnsKwGKqnrAJRyoA9UeDqCt4h0LQU9Nm4msC0V6R-M2Aq26axzpOLA0wE27hMB-wE2AEnY5_ZiTaQ39E0NP_wW-W_6Put4?dl=1
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Peter Jack on October 24, 2014, 08:54:20 AM
"Page Not Found" Slim. I'd hate to go back and try and find where the slip up is. (long, complicated url)

Pete
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on October 28, 2014, 09:12:59 AM
" Always carry a flask of whiskey in case of snake bite..And furthermore..always carry a snake"   Claude William Dunkenfield
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on September 02, 2015, 08:51:19 AM
My pharmacist asked for my birthdate again....I`ll bet she`s buying me a nice gift.....
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on October 09, 2015, 07:53:43 AM
When ever I have a bad day , I just remember that some people are having babies..............
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on May 04, 2016, 10:00:48 AM
duct tape can`t fix stupid...But it can muffle the sound............. :cheers:
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: fordboy628 on May 04, 2016, 04:19:30 PM
"I can explain it to you . . . . .       BUT, I can't understand it for you."


 :cheers:
F/B
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: fordboy628 on May 04, 2016, 04:23:24 PM
"I reserve and respect your right to remain stupid.    I also reserve my right to ignore each and every thing you say."

Unfortunately, I'm using this a lot lately . . . . . .

 :cheers:
F/B
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: fordboy628 on May 04, 2016, 04:39:44 PM
And, finally:

"I'm not arguing with you.   I'm explaining why I'm right."

I don't use this one much anymore.



I prefer to use this:   "Go argue with my laptop."      Because it is a "disagreement ender."

I'm trying very hard to not "waste" my time and my oxygen, "arguing" with those who dismiss science as just theories, or a passing fad.

 :cheers:
JeezI'mturningintoMr.Wilsonboy
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on May 12, 2016, 09:29:48 AM
Stupid people are like glow sticks....They make me want to snap them in the middle and shake the sh*t out of them  `til the light comes on.........
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on June 06, 2016, 09:15:33 AM
I got a sweater for my birthday...I was hoping for a screamer..............
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on November 22, 2016, 10:36:49 AM
I think a few gray hairs were a small price to pay for all of this wisdom.....................
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on April 08, 2017, 08:49:54 AM
Ever feel that your job is useless and has no meaning?? Just remember..People  go to work everyday installing turn signals on B.M.W`s :cheers:
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: salt27 on April 08, 2017, 11:05:49 AM
Ever feel that your job is useless and has no meaning?? Just remember..People  go to work everyday installing turn signals on B.M.W`s :cheers:

Now, that made me laugh.    :cheers:
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on May 18, 2017, 09:03:52 AM
Each morning after you wake up..Eat a live toad. That way nothing worse can happen to you.... :cheers:
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on April 20, 2018, 10:51:23 AM
talking with a woman is like being at a 3-D movie without the glasses...You know something is going on, But it is all blurry and it makes your head hurt....Now if you`ll excuse me...I have to vacuum the lower level, put in a load of laundry and start dinner.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Podunk on April 26, 2018, 07:13:42 PM
It's HEMI day!
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: 4-barrel Mike on April 26, 2018, 07:23:35 PM
It's HEMI day!

March 92nd?

Mike
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Stan Back on April 26, 2018, 09:20:22 PM
I'm working on it . . .

maybe it's DeSoto?
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Milwaukee Midget on April 26, 2018, 09:25:46 PM
It's HEMI day!

March 92nd?

Mike

Why not - I'm 5' 16" !
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: RidgeRunner on April 26, 2018, 10:59:43 PM
     2nd Gen Hemi day..............

              Ed
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: desotoman on April 26, 2018, 11:14:54 PM
I'm working on it . . .

maybe it's DeSoto?

LOL, March 92, first generation, 392. April 26, second generation, 426.

Sorry Stan, not DeSoto.  I ordered the rods today.

Tom G.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on April 27, 2018, 08:57:53 AM
I was wondering what the date had to do with Peugeot...Since they had the first hemispherical chambered engine......... :cheers:
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Milwaukee Midget on April 27, 2018, 09:20:39 AM
I love this time of year - Happy Side Oiler Day!
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: Podunk on April 27, 2018, 11:00:10 AM
Rats
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on February 27, 2023, 06:21:49 PM
A person once asked which book I would bring if I were dropped off on a deserted island.🤔 ....I think it would be a boat building book.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: manta22 on February 27, 2023, 06:46:38 PM
A person once asked which book I would bring if I were dropped off on a deserted island.🤔 ....I think it would be a boat building book.

My choice would be a LOG book.
Title: Re: Land Racing Quote Thread
Post by: floydjer on February 27, 2023, 07:55:17 PM
A person once asked which book I would bring if I were dropped off on a deserted island.🤔 ....I think it would be a boat building book.

My choice would be a LOG book.
It wood??...Oak-ay