* Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?
* Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
* I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
* When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
* A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight, live longer than the men who mention it. [You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.
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* Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
* You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.
* Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
* My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.
* I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
* Strong people don't put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.
* If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
* Money talks ...but all mine ever says is good-bye.