Friday night jokes

[Uncle Jimbo]

An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,

I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.

Love,
Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Papa,

Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.

Love,
Vinnie

[Uncle Jimbo]

Ok, Ok, Ok  - P.S. - thats my little Joe Pesci impersonation, love the character - So here's one more.
Hope you all have a great weekend -
Jimbo        

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?

"Morris Feinberg," he replied.

"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"  

"For about 60 years." he said

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims."

"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."

"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man."

after a brief pause  she responds -

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

without blinking an eye, old Ely responds

"Like I'm talking to a friendly wall."

[kiwi belly tank]

Good one Jimbo.
ps, I didn't think you could drop the "F bomb" here. Double good one mate!
 Sid.

[Bobby c]

A Land speed racer walkes into a bar in Wendover and sees a sign on the the wall that reads;
Hamburgers $4.00
Cheese Burgers $4.50
Hand Jobs $20.00
The racer sees that the bartender is a super hot babe and, pointing at the sign, says "is that you?"
Why yes she purrs is a sexy voice, can I interest you something?
Ya, says the racer, wash your hands and make me a Cheese Burger I am f*@king starving!

[LSR Mike]

There is a Forum for this....way down at the bottom.

good jokes though.

[Seldom Seen Slim]

Okay, Jimbo -- you're in trouble.  As has been pointed out -- there is a location on this Forum for jokes, and I'd like you to respect that fact - and post any jokes you've got there and not elsewhere. 

As for foul language -- no, that is NOT appreciated at all, in any way.  I'm trying to keep the site on a level that's higher than too many sites, and swearing doesn't fit here -- nor does it reflect very well on you.

I've removed your nasty language and will look forward to you knowing better about how this Forum operates.

[Uncle Jimbo]

My deepest most sincere apology to any and all.  I did not see the existing forum at the bottom of the page. As for that nasty word - also an apology - I should check my cut and paste more carefully.  I guess Iam still a bit of a cyber Neanderthal.

Jimbo

[Dave Haller]

Thanks Jon, really appreciate you keeping things cleaned up out here.

[joebob101]

Thanks Jon, really appreciate you keeping things cleaned up out here.

Ditto, Jon