Landracing Forum Home
December 18, 2018, 04:44:30 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?

Login with username, password and session length
News:
BACK TO LANDRACING.COM HOMEPAGE
 
   Home   Help Search Calendar Login Register  


(Note: Donations are not tax deductible)







Live Audio Streaming and Archives of Past Events
Next Live Event: TBD
Pages: 1 2 [3] 4 5 6 7 8   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Blonde joke  (Read 38191 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
stratman59
Full Member
***
Offline Offline

Age: 52
Location: Rocky Mount, North Carolina
Posts: 280





Ignore
« Reply #30 on: December 18, 2009, 07:18:27 AM »

Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?

So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Logged
floydjer
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Age: 61
Location: grand rapids, michigan
Posts: 2629


"There is no duck side of the moon..."




Ignore
« Reply #31 on: January 10, 2010, 08:23:29 PM »

It appears the Blondes are striking back. This just in from my blonde friend. "What`s black,blue and brown and lays in a ditch"?? A  brunette that told one too many blonde jokes rolleyes
Logged

I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.
Stainless1
Administrator
Hero Member
***
Offline Offline

Age: 67
Location: Near Furley and Kechi KS
Posts: 6960


Robert W. P. "Stainless" Steele Wichita, Kansas



« Reply #32 on: January 27, 2010, 09:28:56 PM »

A blonde was speeding down the road and was pulled over by a cop who was also a blonde.
The cop asked for her driver's license.
She dug through
her purse and finally asked "What does it look like?" 
The cop replied, "It's square and has your picture on it"   
The driver found a mirror, looked at it, and handed it to the officer.  "Here it is," she said...
The officer looked at the mirror and handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go...I didn't realize you were a cop."
Logged

Stainless
Red Hat 228.039, 2001, 65ci, MSA Bockscar Lakester with a little N20 
MSA Bockscar Lakester #1000 my fastest mile 245 and change, 84 ci turbobusa motor... but Corey's 233 MPH H/BFL record is still 3MPH faster than mine.
Yellow Chevy
Guest

« Reply #33 on: January 27, 2010, 11:35:32 PM »

Three Blondes were applying for the last available position on the Louisiana Highway Patrol.  The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, 'So y'all want to be cops, huh?'

 The blondes all nodded.

The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder.  Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said, 'To be a cop, you have to be observant.  You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and
Oddities such as scars and so forth.'

 So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds.

 Now,' he said, 'did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?'

 The blonde immediately said, 'Yes, I did. He has only one eye."

 The detective shook his head and said, 'Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face!

 You're dismissed!'

The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

 The detective then turned to the second blonde, said, 'What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?'

 'Yes! He only has one ear!'

 The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, 'Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear!! You're excused too!'

The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.

 The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, 'This is probably a waste of time, but. He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, 'All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?'

The blonde said, 'I sure did. This man wears contact lenses.'

 The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder.

 He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, 'You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?'

 The blonde rolled her eyes and said,

'Well, Helloooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses.'

 

Logged
Stainless1
Administrator
Hero Member
***
Offline Offline

Age: 67
Location: Near Furley and Kechi KS
Posts: 6960


Robert W. P. "Stainless" Steele Wichita, Kansas



« Reply #34 on: March 01, 2010, 10:23:11 AM »

Monday isn''t it?

A blonde gets a job as a teacher
She notices a boy in the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun kicking a ball.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'You ok?' she says.
'Yes.' he says.
'You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says.
'It's best I stay here.' he says.
'Why?' says the blonde.

The boy says: "Because I'm the friggin goal keeper"

Logged

Stainless
Red Hat 228.039, 2001, 65ci, MSA Bockscar Lakester with a little N20 
MSA Bockscar Lakester #1000 my fastest mile 245 and change, 84 ci turbobusa motor... but Corey's 233 MPH H/BFL record is still 3MPH faster than mine.
panic
Sr. Member
****
Offline Offline

Age: 73
Location: Lynbrook, New York
Posts: 776



WWW

Ignore
« Reply #35 on: March 02, 2010, 10:11:23 AM »

These are only the current selection.
As far back as 1890, remarks such as "I think the bleach affected her head" were common.
Logged
Stainless1
Administrator
Hero Member
***
Offline Offline

Age: 67
Location: Near Furley and Kechi KS
Posts: 6960


Robert W. P. "Stainless" Steele Wichita, Kansas



« Reply #36 on: March 02, 2010, 10:16:21 PM »

These are only the current selection.
As far back as 1890, remarks such as "I think the bleach affected her head" were common.

Your memory seems to be as good as Freud's...  cheers
Logged

Stainless
Red Hat 228.039, 2001, 65ci, MSA Bockscar Lakester with a little N20 
MSA Bockscar Lakester #1000 my fastest mile 245 and change, 84 ci turbobusa motor... but Corey's 233 MPH H/BFL record is still 3MPH faster than mine.
floydjer
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Age: 61
Location: grand rapids, michigan
Posts: 2629


"There is no duck side of the moon..."




Ignore
« Reply #37 on: July 20, 2010, 01:14:20 PM »

Two blondes are sitting on the porch ,looking at a full moon. First blonde says:"Wonder which is closer...The moon or Florida"?  Second blonde says ;"Duh...Can you SEE Florida"??
Logged

I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.
theazoldcrow
Sr. Member
****
Offline Offline

Location: Mammoth, Az. Where the sun shines daily!
Posts: 821


Yup!




Ignore
« Reply #38 on: July 20, 2010, 01:29:32 PM »

 grin The paramedics found a blonde frozen solid in front of her refridgerator and when they got her thawed out they asked her what happened.  She said, "I went to the fridge to get some orange juice and when I read the carton it said,  concentrate!
Logged

The Earth, is an intergalactic insane asylum.!
BackwoodsBoy
New folks

Offline Offline

Age: 51
Location: Roseville CA
Posts: 13




Ignore
« Reply #39 on: August 02, 2010, 12:47:59 PM »

What do you call teh dead blonde in the closet?HuhHuh?














WINNER OF THE 1988 HIDE-N-GO-SEEK CONTEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Logged
floydjer
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Age: 61
Location: grand rapids, michigan
Posts: 2629


"There is no duck side of the moon..."




Ignore
« Reply #40 on: August 18, 2010, 07:53:47 PM »

A blonde stops by a cafe for lunch and leaves her dog tied to a tree near the curb. A cop asks if the dog is hers ,and when she says it is , He tells her he thinks it`s in heat. She says it`s in the shade. He says he knows that, BUT...The dog needs to be bred. Blonde tells him no, She just fed her, she doesn`t need bread.  The cop says....."The dog needs to have sex"!!    Blonde says " Go ahead, I`d like a police dog" cheers
Logged

I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.
SlyOneJr
Full Member
***
Offline Offline

Age: 52
Location: Charlotte North Carolina
Posts: 60




Ignore
« Reply #41 on: August 19, 2010, 11:53:41 AM »

Did ya hear about the blonde that went to the airport to have her teeth checked?


She heard that they were doing cavity searches...
Logged

New Guy building a L/Gas Lakester
Ninja 250 powered Lakester for ECTA meets
floydjer
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Age: 61
Location: grand rapids, michigan
Posts: 2629


"There is no duck side of the moon..."




Ignore
« Reply #42 on: October 06, 2010, 07:18:22 PM »

I`m only the messenger.


* CORNMAZE-1.jpg (21.91 KB, 320x240 - viewed 589 times.)
Logged

I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.
LSR Mike
Sr. Member
****
Offline Offline

Age: 62
Location: Dublin, Ohio USA
Posts: 536


First Pass-June 25, 2000; Muroc Dry Lake


WWW

Ignore
« Reply #43 on: October 20, 2010, 12:12:30 PM »

The More Complete Set of Blonde Jokes


Q:      What do you call a blonde with half a brain?

A:      Gifted!



Q:      What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?

A:      Artificial intelligence.



Q:      Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?

A:      You can park in the handicap zone.



Q:      Why is a blonde like a turtle?

A:      They both get f*cked up when they're on their back.



Q:      What do you call a blonde that can suck a golf ball through

        a garden hose?

A:      Darling.



Q:      How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?

A:      Shine a flashlight in their ear.



Q:      Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?

A:      It takes too long to retrain them.



Q:      Why does the blonde stare at the juice packet in the morning?

A:      It says "concentrate".



Q:      What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?

A:      Not everybody has been in a 747.



Q:      Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?

A:      (With a rocking of the head from side to side)

        I dunno!



Q:      How do you kill a blonde?

A:      Put spikes in their shoulder pads.



Q:      Why don't blondes eat Jello?

A:      They can't figure out how to get two cups of water

        into those little packages.


Q:      Why do blondes wear hoop earings?

A:      They have to have some place to rest their ankles.


Q:      Why do blondes wear green lipstick?

A:      Because red means stop.



Q:      Why do blondes wear red lipstick?

A:      Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."



Q:      Why do blondes wear underwear?
A:      They make good ankle warmers.


Q:      What's the mating call of the blonde?
A:      "I'm *sooo* drunk!"


Q:      What's the mating call of the brunette?
A:      "All the blondes have gone home!"



Q:      What's the mating call of the redhead?

A:      "Next!"


Q:      Why do Blondes like the GST? (Regional joke -- Goods

                 and Services Tax now in effect in Canada)
A:      Because they can spell it.



Q:      Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A:      Toes go in first.



Q:      Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?

A:      Tits (teats for all the purists) go in first.


Q:      What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her
   more attractive?

A:      Her ankles.



Q:      What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?

A:      "Have another beer."



Q:      What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?

A:      An interpreter.



Q:      What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?

         A1:     Introduces herself.

         A2:     Walks home.



Q:      What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?

A:      Opens the car door.



Q:      What's the first thing a blonde says after having sex?

A:      Oh, who were those guys?



Q:      What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?

A:      "Thanks for the refill!"


Q:      Why do blondes have more fun?

>A:      Because they don't know any better.



Q:      How do you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?

A:      There's White-out on the screen.



Q:      What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?

A:      You only have to punch information into a computer once.



Q:      What do a blonde and your computer have in common?

A:      You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.



Q:      How does a blonde part their hair?

A:      (Action of scissoring legs apart)


Q:      What does a bleached blonde and a 747 have in common?

A:      They both have a black box.



Q:      Why do blondes like tilt steering?

A:      More head room.



Q:      Why don't blondes eat pickles?

A:      Because they can't get their head in the jar.



Q:      Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?

A:      Because you wash vegetables there!



Q:      Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?

A:      To see what was on the other side.





A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park.  The brunette

         says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie".  The blonde stops,

         looks up, and says, "Where?"





A policeman pulled a blonde over after she'd been driving

         the wrong way on a one-way street.

Cop:  Do you know where you were going?

Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people were leaving.



Q:      How do blondes pierce their ears?

A:      They put tacks in their shoulder pads.



Q:      How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?

A:      Five, one to make the batter and four to peel the smarties.



Q:      What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?

A:      You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.



Q:      What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?

A:      They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".



Q:      How did the blonde try to kill the bird?

A:      She threw it off a cliff.



Q:      Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw

        puzzle in only 6 months?

A:      Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.



Q:      What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?

A:      "Nice tits!"



Q:      How does a blonde high-5?

A:      She smacks herself in the forehead.



Q:      Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?

A:      Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.



Q:      Why do blondes wear their hair up?

A:      To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.



Q:      How does a blonde interpret 6.9?

A:      A 69 interrupted by a period.



>Q:      How do you brainwash a blonde?

A:      Give her a douche and shake her upside down.



Q:      What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?

 A:      A dope ring.



>Q:      Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around and come home?

A:      It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a television.



Q:      What to do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?

A:      Pull the pin and throw it back.



Q:      How is a screen door and a blonde the same?

A:      The more you bang it the looser it gets.



Q:   How do you get a blonde to laugh on Saturday?

A:   Tell her a joke on Thursday!



Q:   What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?

A:   They're both empty from the neck up .



Q:   What's the advantage to being married to a blonde?

A:   You can park in the handicapped zone.



Q:   If a Blonde and a Brunette both jumped off a bulding at the
same time,who would land first?

>A:   The Brunette.....the blonde would have to stop and ask directions.



Q:   Two Blondes were walking along, and came to some tracks.  One blonde said,

            "Those look like deer tracks," and the other said, "No, they look like

            Moose tracks."

A:   They were still arguing when the train hit them.



Q:   What did the blonde call her pet Zebra?

A:   Spot.



Q:  Why did the blonde die drinking milk?

A:  Because the cow fell on her.

>


Logged

Mike M.
BNI/ECTA
ECTA Record Holder/Former Bonneville Record Holder
Seldom Seen Slim
Administrator
Hero Member
***
Offline Offline

Age: 70
Location: Skandia, Michigan
Posts: 12164


Nancy -- 201.913 mph record on a production ZX15!


WWW
« Reply #44 on: October 20, 2010, 12:25:44 PM »

Mike, Mike, how do I tell you this?

In most of your jokes you've got a singular subject of the proposal sentence/question, such as:

Q:      How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?

A:      Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Here the subject is singular because of the "a" in front of the seemingly plural "blonde's".  Anyway, with a singular subject the tense must remain the same throughout -- so instead of "shine a flashlight in THEIR ear" it should read "shine a flashlight in HER ear".

Got it?  Thanks.  I pick on you only because I happened to read your stuff the first thing after lunch today.  Nothing personal, you understand. . .
Logged

Jon E. Wennerberg
 a/k/a Seldom Seen Slim
 Skandia, Michigan
 (that's way up north)
2 Club member x2
Owner of landracing.com
Pages: 1 2 [3] 4 5 6 7 8   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2015, Simple Machines
Simple Audio Video Embedder
Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!


Google visited last this page September 23, 2018, 07:30:22 AM