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Author Topic: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread  (Read 349316 times)

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Offline WOODY@DDLLC

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #915 on: March 28, 2018, 03:45:09 PM »
What acute remark, Jer! :-D
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Offline floydjer

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #916 on: March 29, 2018, 07:39:00 AM »
You and I think on parallel lines Woody..................
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline WOODY@DDLLC

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #917 on: March 29, 2018, 08:20:58 AM »
Let's put this in perspective - right up to the vanishing point!  :cheers:
All models are wrong, but some are useful! G.E. Box (1967) www.designdreams.biz

Offline floydjer

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #918 on: March 29, 2018, 09:43:07 AM »
geeeez Woody, Round and round we go..This is pointless...Did I tell you my pet parrot escaped??..Now polygon..................I`m off to the beach...No doubt be a tangent upon my return............. :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline WOODY@DDLLC

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #919 on: March 30, 2018, 08:57:55 AM »
Or just a blistered, irregular projection of your former self?  :? :-o
All models are wrong, but some are useful! G.E. Box (1967) www.designdreams.biz

Offline floydjer

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #920 on: March 30, 2018, 09:11:36 AM »
Go stand in a corner Woody...A hot one...90 degrees :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #921 on: April 18, 2018, 10:29:56 AM »
My father was fond of saying...." Nothing that the human mind can conceive is impossible "...I wonder if dad ever tried striking a match on a marshmellow?....................... :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Stainless1

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #922 on: April 27, 2018, 07:03:43 PM »
A nun walks into the Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.

“What troubles you, Sister?” asked the Mother Superior. “I thought this was the day you spent with your family.”

“It was,” sighed the Sister. “And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.”

“I seem to recall that,” the Mother Superior agreed. “So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?"

"Far from it,” snorted the Sister. “In fact, I took the Lord’s name in vain today!”

“Goodness, Sister!” gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. “You must tell me all about it!”

“Well, we were on the fifth tee, and this hole is a monster, Mother Superior, a 540 yard par 5, with a nasty dogleg right and a hidden green ... And I hit the drive of my life. The sweetest swing I’ve ever made. And it’s flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted ... And it hits a bird in mid-flight!”

“Oh my!” commiserated the Mother Superior. “How unfortunate! But surely that didn’t make you blaspheme, Sister!”

“No, that wasn’t it,” admitted the Sister. “While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!”

“Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!” sympathized the Mother Superior."

“But I didn’t, Mother!” sobbed the Sister. “And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!”

“So that’s when you cursed,” said the Mother Superior with a knowing smile."

“Nope, that wasn’t it either,” cried the Sister, anguished, “because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!”

The Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said ..

 “You missed the f*uc*king putt, didn’t you?"
 
Stainless
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MSA Bockscar Lakester #1000 my fastest mile 245 and change, 84 ci turbobusa motor... but Corey's 233 MPH H/BFL record is still 3MPH faster than mine.

Offline jimmy six

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #923 on: May 01, 2018, 11:46:33 PM »
Political but I couldn't help myself :cheers:

I recently asked my friends' little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President of the United States.

Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there. So I asked her, "If you were President, what would be the first thing you would do?" She replied, "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people!"

Her parents beamed.

"Wow...what a worthy goal," I told her. "But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my driveway, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house."

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"

I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."

Her parents still aren't speaking to me.
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Offline floydjer

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #924 on: May 02, 2018, 08:16:17 AM »
Jimmy...........I told that joke at a dinner party hosted by a leftie associate.....He hasn`t invited me back since.... :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #925 on: May 22, 2018, 07:40:15 AM »
went out in the yard to plant some flowers and remembered I hadn`t botany..................
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline grumm441

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Offline jimmy six

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #927 on: May 22, 2018, 06:21:31 PM »
Now that I see the ad.... I know why it's in "jokes".... :dhorse:
First GMC 6 powered Fuel roadster over 200, with 2 red hats. Pit crew for Patrick Tone's Super Stock #49 Camaro

Offline floydjer

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #928 on: May 23, 2018, 08:07:29 AM »
I am strangely attracted to that..................
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Stainless1

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #929 on: May 23, 2018, 08:23:49 AM »
You would look good on that if they'd drop a zero....  :cheers:
Stainless
Red Hat 228.039, 2001, 65ci, MSA Bockscar Lakester with a little N20 
MSA Bockscar Lakester #1000 my fastest mile 245 and change, 84 ci turbobusa motor... but Corey's 233 MPH H/BFL record is still 3MPH faster than mine.