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Author Topic: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread  (Read 342230 times)

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Offline Seldom Seen Slim

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #795 on: October 07, 2015, 01:21:06 PM »
Well, if that's what it'll take -- I guess I'll remain in the outside.  Hunh?  Back to raisin pie and cream pie.  Quite a difference, I should certainly think.

Jon the Happy Wittol
Jon E. Wennerberg
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Offline floydjer

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #796 on: October 07, 2015, 01:57:03 PM »
"Raisin pie"?  WTF?  I've heard of eating a "cream pie" before - but not raisin.  Care to elucidate?

You would have to know Spider or have some old Easy Riders in the reading room :-D
Exactly....also a jail-house delicacy...you ferment the left over raisins in your toilet tank and get wound up tighter than the E -string on a Laplander`s mandolin. :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline wobblywalrus

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #797 on: October 07, 2015, 06:58:47 PM »
This reminds me to stay out of trouble with the law.

Offline Stainless1

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #798 on: October 11, 2015, 07:35:54 PM »
got this from FeRd  :-D

 In the great days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a South African bush outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.
After welcoming his replacement and showing the usual courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches etc) which protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said, “You must meet my Adjutant, Captain Smithers, He’s my right-hand man and is really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless.”
...
Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a hunchback, one eyed, toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three feet tall.
“Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself.”
”Well, sir, I graduated with honors from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines. I’ve represented Great Britain in equestrian events and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight division of the Olympics. I have researched the history of…..”
At that point, the colonel interrupted, “Yes, yes, never mind that Smithers, he can find all that in your file. Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to go Fiat himself.”
  :cheers:
Stainless
Red Hat 228.039, 2001, 65ci, MSA Bockscar Lakester with a little N20 
MSA Bockscar Lakester #1000 my fastest mile 245 and change, 84 ci turbobusa motor... but Corey's 233 MPH H/BFL record is still 3MPH faster than mine.

Online 4-barrel Mike

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #799 on: October 11, 2015, 10:26:27 PM »
Mike Kelly - PROUD owner of the V4F that powered the #1931 VGC to a 82.803 mph record in 2008!

Offline tauruck

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #800 on: October 12, 2015, 05:01:23 AM »
My neighbor cleaned up his yard, trimmed the trees and put all the stuff at the end of the driveway for the trash guy to pick up... came home to a note on the pile saying he needed to tie up the stuff or put it in garbage bags or they wouldn't take it.  So he asked me for a little help packaging the stuff for the garbage truck.... I thought it was a nice job....


Only someone with a sick and twisted mind would do something like this.

I like it!  :cheers:

I'm dumping one just like that over my wall next weekend. Maybe the neighbor will have a heart attack!!! :-D I'm tired of all the tons of leaves his tree dumps in my yard every year. :cheers: :cheers: :cheers:

Offline floydjer

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #801 on: October 13, 2015, 08:27:45 AM »
hey Bob...Here`s how I always leave the bedding after a hotel stay............
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline bbarn

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #802 on: October 13, 2015, 12:01:32 PM »
hey Bob...Here`s how I always leave the bedding after a hotel stay............

I am stealing this idea for sure!
I almost never wake up cranky, I usually just let her sleep in.

Offline floydjer

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #803 on: October 13, 2015, 12:45:16 PM »
You may as well.....I did... :roll:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Stainless1

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #804 on: October 13, 2015, 09:30:40 PM »
I would suggest that is a good way for everyone to leave their casino room after SpeedWeek... if we ever get to have another one of those
 :cheers:
Stainless
Red Hat 228.039, 2001, 65ci, MSA Bockscar Lakester with a little N20 
MSA Bockscar Lakester #1000 my fastest mile 245 and change, 84 ci turbobusa motor... but Corey's 233 MPH H/BFL record is still 3MPH faster than mine.

Offline floydjer

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #805 on: November 04, 2015, 02:03:15 PM »
Patti and I went shopping last night and I lost her in the store....So, I walked up to a cute young girl and asked if she could help me find my wife...' You have no idea of where she is"? the girl said....I told her " No..but every time I talk to a little hotty with t*ts as nice as yours...She shows up. :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #806 on: November 10, 2015, 08:20:48 AM »
PepsiCo has announced they will soon release a soft drink that treats  " Male dysfunction"...It`s called  " Mount and Do....(can`t wait to pour myself a stiff one.....) :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Stainless1

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #807 on: November 10, 2015, 04:47:28 PM »
Afraid you would forget that one by Friday Jerry?
I know the feeling, I think I'll post that thought on Friday, then on Friday I think... what was that I was going to post....  :roll:
 :cheers:
Stainless
Red Hat 228.039, 2001, 65ci, MSA Bockscar Lakester with a little N20 
MSA Bockscar Lakester #1000 my fastest mile 245 and change, 84 ci turbobusa motor... but Corey's 233 MPH H/BFL record is still 3MPH faster than mine.

Offline Seldom Seen Slim

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #808 on: November 10, 2015, 05:04:22 PM »
Gee, I only do that about a jillion times a day, Stainless.  Thanks for letting me know it ain't only my head that leaks a little. :roll:
Jon E. Wennerberg
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Online 4-barrel Mike

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #809 on: November 10, 2015, 05:30:59 PM »
Exactly!  We need a "Stupid Joke Saturday thru Thursday" thread. :mrgreen:

Mike
Mike Kelly - PROUD owner of the V4F that powered the #1931 VGC to a 82.803 mph record in 2008!