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Author Topic: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread  (Read 362897 times)

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Offline creekrat

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #840 on: August 17, 2016, 10:51:27 AM »
Hear about the guy with a new Vette trying to outrun a statie on the freeway. After hitting 140 and still not pulling away, he pulls over to take his due. Statie says; sir, if you can give me a good reason for doing 140 on my highway, I'll cut you a break. Guy responds; officer, a year ago my wife took off with a cop, all I could think was that was you trying to bring her back. Cops reply; sir, you have a good evening!

Offline tauruck

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #841 on: August 22, 2016, 03:51:46 PM »
Memorable Password


Always choose a memorable password!

 

A lady helps her husband install a new computer.
Once it is completed, she tells him to select a password,
Selecting a word that he'll always remember.
As the computer asks him to enter it, he looks at his wife
And with a macho gesture and a wink in his eye,
He selects a word:

Mypenis.


As he hits "enter", to validate the selection, his wife
Collapses with laughter and rolls on the floor in hysteria!!


 
The computer had replied:

TOO SHORT- ACCESS DENIED!

Offline jacksoni

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #842 on: August 23, 2016, 06:14:44 PM »
Ah, out of town and not keeping up with these past few. Priceless! :cheers: :cheers: :cheers:
Jack Iliff
 G/BGS-250.235 1987
 G/GC- 176.245  2018
 G/GMS-182.144 2019

Offline tauruck

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #843 on: August 23, 2016, 08:41:58 PM »
IF ONLY WOMEN WOULD TRUST THEIR HUSBANDS!

There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband...
For example...

A wife comes home late at night, and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two.
She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard
as she can.
Leaving the covered bodies groaning, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
"Hi Darling", he says, "Your parents have come to visit us, so I let
them stay in our bedroom. Did you say "hello"?


Offline tauruck

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #844 on: August 29, 2016, 10:51:13 PM »
How's this one!.

Offline floydjer

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #845 on: November 02, 2016, 12:19:23 PM »
Neighbor` dog chased a little kid on a bike.....So I guess they are going to take the dog`s bike away to punish him......(that couldn`t wait 2 days )
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Online Seldom Seen Slim

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #846 on: November 02, 2016, 01:13:49 PM »
Jerry, that could have waited way more than just two days. . .
Jon E. Wennerberg
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Offline Stainless1

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #847 on: November 02, 2016, 04:29:01 PM »
Neighbor` dog chased a little kid on a bike.....So I guess they are going to take the dog`s bike away to punish him......(that couldn`t wait 2 days )

 :-D  :-D  :-D  :-D  :-D
Thanks for proper placement  :cheers:
Stainless
Red Hat 228.039, 2001, 65ci, MSA Bockscar Lakester with a little N20 
MSA Bockscar Lakester #1000 my fastest mile 245 and change, 84 ci turbobusa motor... but Corey's 233 MPH H/BFL record is still 3MPH faster than mine.

Offline floydjer

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #848 on: November 15, 2016, 09:58:29 AM »
Not a joke..But funny.  youtube "Chain saw racing".....Chainsaw powered bike-ski  thingie is a side splitter too :cheers:
« Last Edit: November 15, 2016, 10:01:18 AM by floydjer »
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #849 on: January 30, 2017, 09:54:35 AM »
Hey Woodie...If you need someone to go picketing with....Sign me up... :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Stainless1

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #850 on: January 30, 2017, 07:35:49 PM »
Hey Jerry, we do have a Saturday thru Thursday thread to sow those into  :cheers:
Stainless
Red Hat 228.039, 2001, 65ci, MSA Bockscar Lakester with a little N20 
MSA Bockscar Lakester #1000 my fastest mile 245 and change, 84 ci turbobusa motor... but Corey's 233 MPH H/BFL record is still 3MPH faster than mine.

Offline floydjer

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #851 on: January 31, 2017, 08:46:40 AM »
Nah...that thread is Stan`s  :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #852 on: March 23, 2017, 07:52:39 AM »
Know why boats are named after women?? Because they go where they want to go...You are just along for the ride...Then there is the maintenance issue.... :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline tallguy

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #853 on: March 26, 2017, 07:22:05 PM »
Three explorers set off on an expedition to be the first to arrive at the South Pole, only to find a thriving civilization
when they get there. The chief of this community told the explorers, “We have but one law here. Don’t step on any penguins.”

The explorers looked about them, seeing penguins everywhere. It was almost impossible not to step on one. Sure enough,
almost immediately, one of the explorers accidentally steps on a penguin.

The chief passes swift punishment: “For your crime, you must marry one of our ugly women!”

The very next day, try as he might to avoid it, a second explorer accidentally steps on a penguin. Again, the chief arrives
and forces him to marry one of the tribe’s extremely ugly women.

The third explorer observed what happened to his fellow travellers, and not wanting to be forced to marry an ugly woman,
is VERY careful of where he steps. He manages to go for months without stepping on any penguins. One day, the chief arrives
with the most beautiful woman he has ever seen, and tells the explorer that they are to be wed immediately.

The explorer turns to his new bride and says, “You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I wonder what I did to
deserve being married to you?”

The woman replies, “I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a penguin.”

Offline floydjer

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #854 on: March 28, 2017, 11:42:38 AM »
I like cooking my family and pets.  ( Slim was right, Commas are important ) :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.