Author Topic: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread  (Read 353606 times)

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Offline tauruck

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #825 on: February 02, 2016, 01:33:22 AM »
  This is for Jerry.
                                                     
Yesterday I bought two six packs of beer on sale at the Liquor Store near home.
I placed them on the front seat and headed back home.
 
 
 
 
 
                       
I stopped at the service station where a drop-dead gorgeous, almost blonde, was filling up her car at the next pump.
                                                                     
It was very warm and she was wearing tight shorts and a light top which was wide open.
She glanced at the beer, bent over and knocked on my passenger window.
 
 With her bra-less breasts almost falling out her skimpy top, she said in a sexy voice,
"I'm a big believer in barter, old fella. Would you be interested in trading sex for beer?" 
 
 
 
                       
 
I thought about it and said,
"What kinda beer you got"

Offline floydjer

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #826 on: February 18, 2016, 11:36:37 AM »
a giraffe walks into a bar and yells " The highballs on me ........." :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline bbarn

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #827 on: February 18, 2016, 11:51:30 AM »
It's a prank not a joke but still made me laugh very heartily. This is the third one if you search youtube the second one is pretty good too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPyYK_mhtwg
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Offline sofadriver

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #828 on: February 18, 2016, 09:48:30 PM »
It's a prank not a joke but still made me laugh very heartily. This is the third one if you search youtube the second one is pretty good too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPyYK_mhtwg

awesome! :-D :-D :-D :cheers:
Mike in Tacoma

"aww, what the hell - let's just do it".............

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Offline tallguy

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #829 on: February 23, 2016, 12:00:22 AM »
I'm not myself until I've had coffee . . . that's why my wife won't let me have any.

Offline floydjer

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #830 on: March 14, 2016, 08:29:39 AM »
This cannot wait until Friday......what do you do if you are attacked by a group of circus workers????  Go for the juggler.. :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Milwaukee Midget

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread - bad joke pi day
« Reply #831 on: March 14, 2016, 08:49:24 AM »
Bad joke pi day?  I'm in.  :cheers:

Due to a lack of snow, the annual Iditarod was conducted with automobiles this year.

The winner was driving a Mushtang.

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Well, I guess we're making a LOT of progress . . .  :roll:

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Offline fordboy628

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #832 on: March 14, 2016, 09:19:28 AM »
Me too.

Area of a circle  = π*R²

"Everybody knows pies are round, not squared."   Gracie Allen
I used to be a people person.  But people changed that relationship.

"There is nothing permanent except change."    Heraclitus

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."     Albert Einstein

Offline fordboy628

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #833 on: March 14, 2016, 09:23:10 AM »
I like to think of myself as sort of π-like . . . . . .

Irrational, but well rounded . . . . . . .
I used to be a people person.  But people changed that relationship.

"There is nothing permanent except change."    Heraclitus

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."     Albert Einstein

Offline floydjer

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #834 on: March 14, 2016, 10:16:15 AM »
Oh yeah??? well how do you think the un-thinkable????...with an ithe berg.. :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #835 on: March 17, 2016, 08:41:22 AM »
speaking of which..I`m writing the screen play to a movie..Sort of a cross between Titanic and the Sixth Sense...I`m calling it " Icy Dead People"
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #836 on: June 21, 2016, 01:06:53 PM »
The bride and I were out for dinner last eve` and at the next table were 3 rather large women having a somewhat  loud  conversation in what I thought to be a Scottish accent....So I leaned over and asked "  Are you ladies from Scotland " ?  The largest of the bunch yelled " No...Wales..all 3 of us "   So I replied  " Oh....So you 3 whales are from Scotland ?....." :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #837 on: August 11, 2016, 07:48:34 AM »
I went to the doc, for my annual....Doctor says " It`s normal for a man to get an erection during a prostate exam" I told him I didn`t have an erection and he said .." But I do....."
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #838 on: August 17, 2016, 08:37:49 AM »
It`s official....Mrs. Floydjer has been around me too long....We were on our daily walk around Reeds Lake and passed a home project in progress. It`s  6,000 sq.ft brick Tudor....The new owners had it rotated 180 degrees so that the bedrooms face the lake....No, I`m not kidding. Anyway, I commented that the lawn that wasn`t there yesterday seemed to be there now...Patti said "  They must have "sod-omized" it".......jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Peter Jack

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #839 on: August 17, 2016, 09:16:08 AM »
Jerry, you're obviously married to the right lady!  :cheers: :cheers: :cheers:

Pete