Author Topic: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread  (Read 335772 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Milwaukee Midget

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 6463
  • Age: 59
  • Location: Beerhaven, Wisconsin
  • I/GT record holder (?) pending investigation
    • Milwaukee Midget Racing
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #600 on: September 26, 2013, 08:19:34 PM »
Wunnerful, wunnerful. Turn off the bubble machine....



Is THAT what that was -

I heard the gurgling sound, but after the smoke cleared, all I saw was Star Trek on the TV and a half eaten bag of Cheetos . . .

 :-D
"Problems are almost always a sign of progress."  Harold Bettes
Well, I guess we're making a LOT of progress . . .  :roll:

We are NOT rebuilding . . . We are reloading.

GOD SAVE MG - The Queen can take care of herself!

Offline manta22

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3383
  • Age: 80
  • Location: Tucson, AZ
  • What, me worry?
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #601 on: September 26, 2013, 09:16:22 PM »
Wunnerful, wunnerful. Turn off the bubble machine....



Is THAT what that was -

I heard the gurgling sound, but after the smoke cleared, all I saw was Star Trek on the TV and a half eaten bag of Cheetos . . .

 :-D

Obviously, Stan Freeburg had been there.............

Regards, Neil  Tucson, AZ

Online Elmo Rodge

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1525
  • Location: Smack dab in the middle of Utah
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #602 on: September 26, 2013, 10:17:13 PM »
Wunnerful, wunnerful. Turn off the bubble machine....



Is THAT what that was -

I heard the gurgling sound, but after the smoke cleared, all I saw was Star Trek on the TV and a half eaten bag of Cheetos . . .

 :-D

Obviously, Stan Freeburg had been there.............
With Saint George and the Dragonet.  :-D Wayno

Offline floydjer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2841
  • Age: 61
  • Location: grand rapids, michigan
  • "There is no duck side of the moon..."
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #603 on: September 27, 2013, 07:02:39 AM »
We shouldn`t make jokes about pot....It does have two known side effects......Memory loss and  ......I forgot what the other one is. :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2841
  • Age: 61
  • Location: grand rapids, michigan
  • "There is no duck side of the moon..."
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #604 on: September 27, 2013, 07:03:48 AM »
Oh yeah........It`s memory loss. :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline relaxedphit

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 314
  • Location: Archer Lodge, NC
  • Organ Donor...refrigerate after opening
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #605 on: September 27, 2013, 11:34:27 AM »
Who needed MTV? We did just fine with Jimi, Stones and Zepplin while watching that adjust your color bar on my black & white TV.

Offline Dean Los Angeles

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2370
  • Age: 69
  • Location: Coarsegold
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #606 on: September 28, 2013, 10:52:01 AM »
Cliff Clavin on beer:

“Well, you see, Norm, it’s like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it’s the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”
Well, it used to be Los Angeles . . . 50 miles north of Fresno now.
Just remember . . . It isn't life or death.
It's bigger than life or death! It's RACING.

Offline Dean Los Angeles

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2370
  • Age: 69
  • Location: Coarsegold
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #607 on: September 28, 2013, 10:53:45 AM »
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49.00 today!
If you purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG, you would have $33.00.
If you purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers, you would have $0.00 today.

But, if you purchased $1,000 worth of beer, drank it, turned in the aluminum cans for recycling, you would have $214.00.

Therefore the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401- Keg Plan
Well, it used to be Los Angeles . . . 50 miles north of Fresno now.
Just remember . . . It isn't life or death.
It's bigger than life or death! It's RACING.

Offline floydjer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2841
  • Age: 61
  • Location: grand rapids, michigan
  • "There is no duck side of the moon..."
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #608 on: October 03, 2013, 10:06:53 AM »
Why is the third hand on a clock called the second hand ??? :?
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline maguromic

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1736
  • Location: Palo Alto, CA
    • http://www.barringtontea.com
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #609 on: October 03, 2013, 10:35:00 AM »
Why do people always complain about loose fitting tights?  :?  Tony
“If you haven’t seen the future, you are not going fast enough”

Online tauruck

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4883
  • Location: Johannesburg, South Africa
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #610 on: October 03, 2013, 11:41:32 AM »
Dean, you just made my day. If we ever meet a six pack is yours. :cheers: If you drink beer?.

Offline floydjer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2841
  • Age: 61
  • Location: grand rapids, michigan
  • "There is no duck side of the moon..."
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #611 on: October 03, 2013, 12:23:19 PM »
Why do we sing " Take me out to the ball game " when we are already there??...And why are they called "stands" when you use them to sit???....................How did Webster know the  correct spelling of all those words????? :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline wobblywalrus

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4940
  • Age: 65
  • Location: backwoods Oregon
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #612 on: October 07, 2013, 07:44:15 PM »
On the lunch room table at work...

Online tauruck

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4883
  • Location: Johannesburg, South Africa
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #613 on: October 07, 2013, 11:53:03 PM »
Nice one Bo. :-D

Offline Dean Los Angeles

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2370
  • Age: 69
  • Location: Coarsegold
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #614 on: October 09, 2013, 04:14:54 PM »
The folks at the National Weather Service want to get paid too.

Well, it used to be Los Angeles . . . 50 miles north of Fresno now.
Just remember . . . It isn't life or death.
It's bigger than life or death! It's RACING.