Author Topic: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread  (Read 348090 times)

0 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic.

Offline Dr Goggles

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3066
  • Age: 168
  • Location: Melbourne Australia
  • The Jarman-Stewart "Spirit of Sunshine" Bellytank
    • "Australian Bellytank" , http://thespiritofsunshine.blogspot.com/
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #375 on: February 16, 2011, 06:04:17 PM »
President Reagan said  We win they lose.  :-D

Now that's the correct answer. no pussy footing around like the current person filling that office.  :roll:



I wonder if there'll ever be Barry Cabana tramp stamps?
Few understand what I'm trying to do but they vastly outnumber those who understand why...................

http://thespiritofsunshine.blogspot.com/

Current Australian E/GL record holder at 215.041mph

THE LUCKIEST MAN IN SLOW BUSINESS.

Offline racergeo

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 586
  • Location: Olympia, Wa.
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #376 on: February 16, 2011, 09:51:48 PM »
  Kent thanks for the excellent post. very funny as was the one attributed to you from Honda Jim. Funny stuff. Now if we could just get that Dr. Googles guy to shape up this would be a very civil sight :lol:

Offline ol38y

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 686
  • Age: 64
  • Location: Bakersfield, CA
  • When all else fails, gas it!
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #377 on: March 03, 2011, 01:37:54 PM »

Since it's not Fri..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The
woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she
and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there.
She then asked if she could help the gentleman.

The man said that it was something that he would be much more
comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist. The female pharmacist
assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was
that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat
him with the highest level of professionalism.
The man agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss,
but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and
severe embarrassment. So I was wondering what you could give me for
it." The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."

When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the
absolute best we can do is, 1/3 ownership of the shop, a company car,
and $3,000 a month living expenses
Larry Cason
Bakersfield,CA    It's a dry heat!

2010 BUB 1350 M-PG record
2012 Speedweek  1350 A-PG record 169.975
2014 El Mirage Dry Lake  1350 A-PG  172.651

Offline Dr Goggles

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3066
  • Age: 168
  • Location: Melbourne Australia
  • The Jarman-Stewart "Spirit of Sunshine" Bellytank
    • "Australian Bellytank" , http://thespiritofsunshine.blogspot.com/
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #378 on: March 03, 2011, 02:48:28 PM »
very good Larry.

Now,

An Irishman who has just got a new job is sitting at the kitchen table carving numbers into a huge potato….
 
His wife says.
 
“what the feck are you doing”
 
“Well, everybody told me if I got a job …..I’d have to…..getupotatoclock”
 
Few understand what I'm trying to do but they vastly outnumber those who understand why...................

http://thespiritofsunshine.blogspot.com/

Current Australian E/GL record holder at 215.041mph

THE LUCKIEST MAN IN SLOW BUSINESS.

Offline racergeo

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 586
  • Location: Olympia, Wa.
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #379 on: March 03, 2011, 04:33:37 PM »
  You are killin me.......That is so good

Offline 4-barrel Mike

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2988
  • Age: 71
  • Location: Portland, OR
  • Any fool can drive a V8
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #380 on: March 22, 2011, 06:14:36 PM »
From my crazy uncle in Red Bluff:

Recently, New Zealand and Japan had terrible earthquakes with many aftershocks. Some were thought to be oscillatory, while others were believed to be trepidatory.  It occurred to me that most people might be confused about this, so I thought it wise to let everyone know the difference.


 

What's the difference between an oscillatory and a trepidatory earthquake?

1. This calculation is just for engineers:






2. And this one is for laymen -- like most of you:

This is a trepidatory earthquake -- an up and down movement.....



This is an oscillatory earthquake -- a side to side movement...



And this is a combination of both trepidatory and oscillatory:




Isn't science beautiful when properly explained?

 
Mike Kelly - PROUD owner of the V4F that powered the #1931 VGC to a 82.803 mph record in 2008!

Offline MC 1314

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 123
  • Age: 82
  • Location: Low country of South Carolina
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #381 on: March 22, 2011, 07:05:18 PM »
Miike, I almost posted that this AM, got busy and forgot, thanks for reminding me!
Bob
It's just a case of too soon old and too late smart. Will Penny

Offline SaltRat

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 150
  • Location: Somewhere in the west
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #382 on: March 22, 2011, 07:28:26 PM »
I think I'm hypnotized!
SaltRat
When (if?) this baby hits 88mph, you'll see some serious poo.

Offline Gwillard

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 238
  • Age: 56
  • Location: Ohio
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #383 on: March 22, 2011, 07:54:51 PM »
I studied both explanations and all three examples in college.  :lol:
Will weld for beer :cheers:

Offline Stan Back

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5079
  • Location: San Berdoo
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #384 on: March 22, 2011, 08:42:29 PM »
I watched for 10 minutes expecting one of them to escape containment.  Now I've got my own personal tsunami to clean up.

Stan
Member of the San Berdoo Roadsters -- "California's Most-Exclusive Roadster Club".
Celebrating 67th anniversary of racing on the salt.

Offline Captthundarr

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1468
  • Age: 59
  • Location: Swansboro, NC
  • In line
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #385 on: March 22, 2011, 08:48:36 PM »
Wow they all look like my 3 x wives :-D :-D :-D the middle one looks like wife #4  :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :cheers: kool
Live,Laugh, Love /  Jack Scratch Racing /ECTA   
Amy Hartman-Driver, Frank Hartman-everthing else.
C/GALT 137.65 Ohio Mile check that 144.12 2013, AA/GALT 159.34 Ohio Mile 2014. B/GALT 180.577 RECORD 6/15

Offline 4-barrel Mike

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2988
  • Age: 71
  • Location: Portland, OR
  • Any fool can drive a V8
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #386 on: March 26, 2011, 11:17:45 PM »
My crazy uncle in Red Bluff sadly reports the death of a TV icon:

The Pillsbury Dough boy died yesterday at Crescent General Hospital due to complications from a yeast infection and trauma from repeated pokes to the belly.  He was 71.

Dough Boy was survived by his wife Play Dough, three children, John Dough, Jane Dough, and Dosey Dough, plus one in the oven.

The funeral was held at 350 for about 20 minutes.
Mike Kelly - PROUD owner of the V4F that powered the #1931 VGC to a 82.803 mph record in 2008!

Offline k.h.

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 565
  • Age: 70
  • Location: Webster Groves, MO
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #387 on: March 27, 2011, 12:02:30 PM »
From a crazy Irish friend in Alaska:

After being married for 40 years, I took a careful look at my
wife one day and said, "forty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk
car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but
I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl.
Now .... I have a $800,000.00 home, a $55,000.00 car, a nice big bed and
a large screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 63-year-old woman.. It seems
to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find
a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once
again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa
bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy's
problems.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice.  But in practice, there is.--Jan L. A. Van de Snepscheut

Offline Milwaukee Midget

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 6471
  • Age: 59
  • Location: Beerhaven, Wisconsin
  • After further investigation, I/GT record holder
    • Milwaukee Midget Racing
"Problems are almost always a sign of progress."  Harold Bettes
Well, I guess we're making a LOT of progress . . .  :roll:

We are NOT rebuilding . . . We are reloading.

GOD SAVE MG - The Queen can take care of herself!

Offline Glen

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 7013
  • Age: 84
  • Location: South West Utah
  • SCTA/BNI timer 1983 to 2004, Retired,. Crew on Tur
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #389 on: March 27, 2011, 06:02:41 PM »
SPAM
Glen
Crew on Turbinator II

South West, Utah