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Author Topic: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread  (Read 362767 times)

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Offline k.h.

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #315 on: September 16, 2010, 02:07:39 PM »
Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a Martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice.  But in practice, there is.--Jan L. A. Van de Snepscheut

Offline 4-barrel Mike

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #316 on: September 23, 2010, 04:45:04 PM »
Pretty slow around here...

   :mrgreen:

Mike
Mike Kelly - PROUD owner of the V4F that powered the #1931 VGC to a 82.803 mph record in 2008!

Offline 4-barrel Mike

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #317 on: September 28, 2010, 06:07:20 PM »
One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday.

He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?'
The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir?We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95'.

The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?'

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir...Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls.

 :cheers:
Mike Kelly - PROUD owner of the V4F that powered the #1931 VGC to a 82.803 mph record in 2008!

Offline 4-barrel Mike

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #318 on: October 06, 2010, 10:48:20 AM »
From my crazy uncle in Red Bluff:

Finally!

A shoe phone for seniors!



 :cheers:
Mike Kelly - PROUD owner of the V4F that powered the #1931 VGC to a 82.803 mph record in 2008!

Offline theazoldcrow

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #319 on: October 06, 2010, 10:55:25 AM »
 :?:?
The Earth, is an intergalactic insane asylum.!

Offline Stan Back

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #320 on: October 09, 2010, 04:11:05 PM »
Took me a while.

(It's got a dial.)
Member of the San Berdoo Roadsters -- "California's Most-Exclusive Roadster Club".
Celebrating 67th anniversary of racing on the salt.

Offline theazoldcrow

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #321 on: October 10, 2010, 09:47:42 AM »
 :? Got the dial part,,,,,,,what is a "shoe" phone?
The Earth, is an intergalactic insane asylum.!

Offline Cajun Kid

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #322 on: October 10, 2010, 10:33:34 AM »
Ever watch  "Get Smart" ?  Shoe Phone before cell phones  LOL

Charles
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Offline Milwaukee Midget

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #323 on: October 10, 2010, 11:14:18 AM »
Ever watch  "Get Smart" ?  Shoe Phone before cell phones  LOL

Charles

Got it, Chief!
"Problems are almost always a sign of progress."  Harold Bettes
Well, I guess we're making a LOT of progress . . .  :roll:

We are NOT rebuilding . . . We are reloading.

GOD SAVE MG - The Queen can take care of herself!

Offline theazoldcrow

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #324 on: October 10, 2010, 02:40:43 PM »
 :-D I was THAT close!    Thanks for the explaination!            Crow.
The Earth, is an intergalactic insane asylum.!

Offline relaxedphit

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #325 on: October 10, 2010, 08:20:56 PM »
Ya wanna go old school....Dick Tracey

Offline RidgeRunner

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #326 on: October 10, 2010, 08:30:22 PM »
Now that I might have understood.  At least I wasn't alone.

                  Ed

Offline floydjer

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #327 on: October 12, 2010, 09:30:36 AM »
Friday has come early this week...................This guy loses all his toes to frostbite and his friends abandon him.....I guess they were lack-toes intolerant :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Moxnix

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #328 on: October 18, 2010, 10:09:46 PM »
An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors.   
The waiting room was filled with patients.  As he approached the receptionist's desk,he noticed that the receptionist was a large
unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler..   
He gave her his name.
 
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said,
"YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"
 
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man....   

He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,  "NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION,    BUT I DON'T WANT
THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS."
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
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Offline johnneilson

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Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #329 on: October 19, 2010, 01:08:17 PM »
From my buddy who claims the world is sick and he is a happy guy.....

A cruise on the Pacific goes all wrong!

The ship sinks, and there are only 3   Survivors, Dave, John and Debbie.

They manage to swim to a small island

and they live there for a couple of years doing what's natural for men

and women to do.

After several years

of casual sex all the time,

Debbie felt absolutely horrible

about what she was doing.

She felt having sex with both

Dave and John was so immoral

and bad that she killed herself.



It was tragic, but Dave and John

managed to get through it.

After a while, Dave and John's

resistance to nature's urgings waned,

and the inevitable happened.

 

 

A couple more years went by

and Dave and John began to feel

absolutely horrible about what

they were doing.

 


So they buried Debbie.


Note:  John, there was a bunch of garble and email and so on that was tacked on to the end of your story, so I deleted it.  If you really did want it -- well, put it back.  I doubt that you did it on purpose, though. . .   Jon a/k/a Seldom Seen Slim

Thanks, I need to be careful with the control V command.........John   Spaz Extraordinaire
« Last Edit: October 19, 2010, 01:58:57 PM by johnneilson »
As Carroll Smith wrote; All Failures are Human in Origin.