Author Topic: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread  (Read 703027 times)

0 Members and 4 Guests are viewing this topic.

Offline ken s

  • New folks
  • Posts: 19
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #1005 on: March 30, 2020, 08:43:24 PM »
So how  long do I have to do this "social distancing" ? My wife keeps trying to get back in the house.

Offline floydjer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4240
  • "There is no duck side of the moon..."
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #1006 on: April 17, 2020, 05:32:52 PM »
For Pete...
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline manta22

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4135
  • What, me worry?
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #1007 on: April 17, 2020, 07:56:56 PM »
Regards, Neil  Tucson, AZ

Offline Peter Jack

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3776
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #1008 on: April 17, 2020, 10:30:07 PM »
And more true than you guys may realize!!!  :cheers: :cheers: :cheers:

Pete

Offline floydjer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4240
  • "There is no duck side of the moon..."
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #1009 on: May 06, 2020, 02:42:15 PM »
Went to Lowe's for a bunch of small plumbing parts..cashier asked "Want a box"?  I told her no..But I'll arm wrestle you for that gas grille over there.. :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4240
  • "There is no duck side of the moon..."
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #1010 on: June 03, 2020, 09:02:56 PM »
Just in from a popsicle stick....Which flower does not sleep at night??  The Day-zzz :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4240
  • "There is no duck side of the moon..."
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #1011 on: October 05, 2020, 08:32:34 AM »
What do you call two guys sitting on a window sill??  Curt 'n' Rod.. :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4240
  • "There is no duck side of the moon..."
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #1012 on: October 20, 2020, 08:47:36 PM »
Patti told me that picking my nose is gross and disgusting....Guess I have to do it myself..... :clap
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4240
  • "There is no duck side of the moon..."
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #1013 on: December 02, 2020, 03:53:35 PM »
You ever go in the kitchen and forget why you were there? It's because aliens abducted you and erased your memory...Crafty little bastages
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline 4-barrel Mike

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3173
  • Any fool can drive a V8
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #1014 on: December 02, 2020, 04:08:30 PM »
Raising right hand, "This is my right hand."

Raising left hand, "This is my left hand."

Patting top of head with both hands, "This is my head."

Patting butt with both hands, "So I CAN find my ass with both hands!  Why can't I find whatever it is that I'm looking for."

Aliens?  More probably CRS.   :cheers:
Mike Kelly - PROUD owner of the V4F that powered the #1931 VGC to a 82.803 mph record in 2008!

Offline floydjer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4240
  • "There is no duck side of the moon..."
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #1015 on: December 02, 2020, 06:10:35 PM »
Mike..I bypassed crs and went right to craft :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4240
  • "There is no duck side of the moon..."
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #1016 on: December 18, 2020, 09:21:19 AM »
I have taken up woodworking as a hobby. This morning I made a stool...but it looks like crap :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline jacksoni

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1507
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #1017 on: January 12, 2021, 02:39:05 PM »
If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you'll begin to think you're a genius..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
 
(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss  USA  contest.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
 
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
 
 
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
 
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett,  University  of  Kentucky  basketball forward.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
 
"Outside of the killings,  Washington  has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry,  Washington  ,  DC  . ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
 
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in  Texas  ..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
 
"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
 
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.."
--Al Gore, Vice President
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
 
"I love  California  . I practically grew up in  Phoenix  .."
-- Dan Quayle
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
 
"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
--Lee Iacocca
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
 
 
"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
 
 
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
 
 
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 2020 because we  received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
"Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
 
"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
-- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
 
 
 
Jack Iliff
 G/BGS-250.235 1987
 G/GC- 193.550 2021
  G/FAlt- 193.934 2021 (196.033 best)
 G/GMS-182.144 2019

Offline Stainless1

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 8939
  • Robert W. P. "Stainless" Steele
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #1018 on: January 13, 2021, 12:58:42 AM »
Well it seems Michael forgot Louise's birthday...
She was really pissed and told him when she came home from work the next day there better be something in the driveway for her that goes 0 to 180 in less than 10 seconds....

When she pulled in the driveway the day after her birthday she found a small wrapped box... it looked too large for a set of keys... when she opened it Louise found a scale.

Michael missed the weekly poker game yesterday, in fact no one has seen him since that day...
 :cheers:
Stainless
Red Hat 228.039, 2001, 65ci, Bockscar Lakester #1000 with a little N2O

Offline floydjer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4240
  • "There is no duck side of the moon..."
Re: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread
« Reply #1019 on: January 13, 2021, 07:22:38 AM »
Lauren Upton was not overly bright...But I would find a way to overlook that.
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.