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Author Topic: Stupid joke Friday  (Read 1212182 times)

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Offline fastesthonda_jim

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #4395 on: October 09, 2020, 09:22:28 AM »
Car jokes, huh?
Okay.

Lorena Bobbitt is driving her convertible down the street with her, ummm.... "prize" on the seat next to her.
She thinks for a moment, and, deciding she doesn't want any incriminating evidence, lofts it into the air.
Bam!   It hits the windshield of the car behind her.
Guy driving slams on his brakes.  "Jesus, Harry," he yells at his passenger.  "Did you see the size of the dick on that bug?!"
« Last Edit: October 09, 2020, 09:25:13 AM by fastesthonda_jim »
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Offline WOODY@DDLLC

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #4396 on: October 09, 2020, 05:04:58 PM »
I don't writes 'em - I jus' copies & pastes 'em!  lol8

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye  -  doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whisky  -  maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber  -  band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.   
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'   
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
21. A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one         
      carrion allowed per passenger.'
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.   
      Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.'
      The other says, 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
     No pun in ten did.
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Offline manta22

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #4397 on: October 09, 2020, 06:19:19 PM »
Aarrggghhhh......................
Regards, Neil  Tucson, AZ

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #4398 on: October 09, 2020, 06:38:15 PM »
Just heard that Volkswagen is building a new factory in Texas to produce their new model...The Audi Partner....... :clap
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #4399 on: October 09, 2020, 06:40:17 PM »
Woody....#22 reminds of the two fish sitting in a tank when one asks "You know how to drive this thing"?? :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline WOODY@DDLLC

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #4400 on: October 09, 2020, 06:47:32 PM »
Jer, number 9 reminded me of when I was in the Army.
There was a nudist camp a few miles from the base.
Got any idea where all our mandatory, monthly, aerial observation training took place?  :?
All models are wrong, but some are useful! G.E. Box (1967) www.designdreams.biz

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #4401 on: October 09, 2020, 09:33:15 PM »
Hey Woody....Patti will not go to the nude  beach with me..She is so clothes minded..
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.