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Author Topic: Stupid joke Friday  (Read 1155201 times)

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Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #165 on: July 03, 2009, 10:48:48 PM »
Guy comes home from work,plops in front of the T.V. and says to the wife " How about bringing me a beer before it starts"? She says "O.K." Two minutes later, he asks for another brew " before it starts". This goes on, in two min. intervals, for 90 minutes. She brings the beer, stands between him and the television and says " You going to do ANYTHING besides getting drunk and watching T.V." ? He says......." Great....It started" :evil:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Gwillard

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #166 on: July 04, 2009, 06:57:10 AM »
Two minute intervals for 90 minutes...that's a Subaru load of beer!
Good one nonetheless.  :-D
Will weld for beer :cheers:

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #167 on: July 10, 2009, 11:49:45 AM »
Pirate walks in to a bar with a roll of paper towel on his head. Bartender asks "What`s up with the towel roll"? Pirate says,...."Aaaarrr...there`s a bounty on me head"
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #168 on: July 10, 2009, 11:50:30 AM »
Baby seal walks into a club............................
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #169 on: July 17, 2009, 10:02:41 AM »
Lady opens the refrigerator and a rabbit is sitting inside. "What are you doing in there"? she asks. rabbit say`s" Isn`t this a Westinghouse"? Lady says that it is -Rabbit say`s " I`m westing"
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline sabat

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #170 on: July 17, 2009, 12:44:33 PM »
Floyd, you are certainly keeping your posts on-topic.  :-D

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #171 on: July 17, 2009, 12:48:43 PM »
Floyd, you are certainly keeping your posts on-topic.  :-D
Thank you! ( and it`s Jerry) :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Glen

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #172 on: July 17, 2009, 01:00:18 PM »
When you live in Michigan telling jokes is about all there is to do. :-D :-o :roll:
Glen
Crew on Turbinator II

South West, Utah

Online 4-barrel Mike

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #173 on: July 17, 2009, 01:04:07 PM »
A rich Saudi Prince became enamored with Land Speed Racing.  He decided that he wanted a faaaaast two-wheeler and a faaaaaaster four-wheeler.

Being a patriot, though, he wanted his LSR shop to be in Saudi Arabia and his vehicles to be built in his shop, so he hired one of the best bike builders and one of the best car builders to help him set up his shop and get started on the vehicles.  As an afterthought, he hired a well-known LSR website guy to set up a website to document his builds.

When the bike and car guys had all of the necessary tools and parts collected, the Prince sent his private 747 to carry the cargo and the two car builders and the website guy to Saudi Arabia.

The plane was opulent and our three heroes were the only passengers, so the flight was VERY pleasant.

After many hours of flight, the 747 began its descent for landing.  Suddenly the jet lost all power and began spinning out of control.  At the last second, the pilot was able to get enough control to make a crash landing.  Unfortunately, the only survivors were the three Americans.

Now the bike builder got his start riding bikes in the desert, so he took charge of the group.  After collecting enough food and water to survive the trek to civilization, our heroes set out across the desert.

On the third day of their trek, the car builder tripped on something and fell on his face in the sand.  A quick examination showed that he had tripped on a brass lantern.  Now he was a pretty smart guy and recognized the lantern for what it was, so he began polishing it with his shirt tail.

POOF!  Out popped a genie!!!

“Well, now,” said the genie.  “Normally I grant three wishes to the person who frees me from the lantern, but, since there are three of you, I’ll grant each of you one wish.”  Turning to the car builder, he asked, “What is your wish?”

“I wish I was in my red roadster cruising down the Pacific Coast Highway as the sun is setting.”   And, POOF! he was gone.

The genie turned to the bike builder.  “I wish I was riding one of my motorcycles across a Southern California desert.” And POOF! he was gone.

The genie then turned to the website guy and asked the usual question.  “Gee,” said the website guy, “I’m lonely.  I wish they were back.”

Mike
Mike Kelly - PROUD owner of the V4F that powered the #1931 VGC to a 82.803 mph record in 2008!

Offline Milwaukee Midget

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #174 on: July 18, 2009, 12:10:27 PM »
Yet another danger of living in Wisconsin.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090718/ap_on_fe_st/us_odd_wienermobile_wreck

And this is NOT the first time that crap like this has happened up here.

You learn something new every day.

I didn't know Mercedes-Benz made RV's.
And at least one real sporty looking race car hauler. J.B.

Floyd - I remember that hauler.  It was bought in the late 50's by Carl Weinerberger, who was a fantastic fiberglass body guy in Sheboygan, Wisconsin, and a part-time sausage maker.  He bought it, and kept the stock frame, but did some modifications to the body.  For years, he unsuccessfully campaigned it in off-road ice racing events throughout Wisconsin, Minnesota, and the U.P.


I'm afraid to step out of my garage!

"Problems are almost always a sign of progress."  Harold Bettes
Well, I guess we're making a LOT of progress . . .  :roll:

We are NOT rebuilding . . . We are reloading.

GOD SAVE MG - The Queen can take care of herself!

Offline theazoldcrow

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #175 on: July 18, 2009, 05:45:53 PM »
 :-D Latest thing on the web about the weeniermobile, now the driver ( a woman ) has run the mobile into a garage, without opening the door!      Crow
The Earth, is an intergalactic insane asylum.!

Offline theazoldcrow

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #176 on: July 20, 2009, 04:30:20 PM »
 :roll:  The best woman in the world to have is a fat, tatooed lady!   That way you have heat in the winter, shade in the summer, and moveing pictures year round.      Crow
The Earth, is an intergalactic insane asylum.!

Offline sheribuchta

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #177 on: July 23, 2009, 05:07:12 PM »
I know I'm a little early but I had to share this one with y'all....
It's too cute.
Sheri Buchta

Ear Infection

This is so true! They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong  and sometimes it is embarrassing.

There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients.



I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.

A 85-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.

The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the  Doctor for today?'

'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. '

'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.

The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private..'

The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'

'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'

'I can't Plymouth out of it,' he replied.

The waiting room erupted in laughter.


Mess with seniors and you're going to Lose!


Offline theazoldcrow

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #178 on: July 23, 2009, 09:29:27 PM »
 :-D Sheri!  Remember that "don't mess with seniors" the next time I start giving you a hard time!   Just ribbin ya a little.    Crow
The Earth, is an intergalactic insane asylum.!

Offline Milwaukee Midget

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #179 on: July 24, 2009, 01:05:24 AM »

Mess with seniors and you're going to Lose!


Woody Allen said it best -

There's no a*@hole like an old a*@hole - They've had more practice.
"Problems are almost always a sign of progress."  Harold Bettes
Well, I guess we're making a LOT of progress . . .  :roll:

We are NOT rebuilding . . . We are reloading.

GOD SAVE MG - The Queen can take care of herself!