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Author Topic: Stupid joke Friday  (Read 992891 times)

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Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #4050 on: July 05, 2019, 01:36:19 PM »
Bravo Bob....I was just about to start singing  " All by my sel-el-elf......
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #4051 on: July 05, 2019, 01:38:45 PM »
What is the difference between a duck and Geo. Washington??  one has a bill on his face...the other has his face on a bill....
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #4052 on: July 05, 2019, 01:42:19 PM »
Bob knows which colonists were my favorites...????..The Punsylvanians?????..
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #4053 on: July 12, 2019, 07:00:48 AM »
I had an interview for a part time job at a sun screen factory...Didn`t get the job...I might reapply later.. :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #4054 on: July 19, 2019, 07:00:36 AM »
Just received a patent on my latest invention....It`s a watch that doubles as a belt buckle...I call it The Waiste of Time...??????.. :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Stainless1

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #4055 on: July 19, 2019, 09:35:13 AM »
Saw this beer at Baere Brewing... one of the I didn't try.... not a sour guy
Stainless
Red Hat 228.039, 2001, 65ci, MSA Bockscar Lakester with a little N20 
MSA Bockscar Lakester #1000 my fastest mile 245 and change, 84 ci turbobusa motor... but Corey's 233 MPH H/BFL record is still 3MPH faster than mine.

Offline fastesthonda_jim

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #4056 on: July 19, 2019, 12:22:12 PM »
Sign on rest room in Sweden:

Who/Which/What are you????
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Offline fastesthonda_jim

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #4057 on: July 19, 2019, 12:26:00 PM »
True story:
There's a guy 'bout 60 +/- in my gym.  He's from South Africa.  Hates de darkies.  Hates 'em.  Interesting 'cause a black, ex-linebacker owns the gym we're in.  Oh well.
Anyway, the dude comes up to me the other day, "Hey, Jim.  Just got my U.S. citizenship!  Cost me $11,000 and a couple years, but I got it!"
"Cool, Pal!".  But then I couldn't help myself.  So I says, "Still got your South African passport?"  "Yep. Still got it."
"So you are a real African-American now, right?"
Still don't know why he didn't think that was funny.
« Last Edit: July 19, 2019, 12:28:39 PM by fastesthonda_jim »
2006 SCTA High Points Champeen
2006 Dirty "2" Wrench Of The Year
Bonneville "2" Club 2003
El Mirage Dirty "2"'s 2006
Bonneville Records: G/GS, F/GS (Boy)  G/FS (Girl)
El Mirage Records: F/BFS, F/FS, F/GS, I/FS, I/GS, K/BGS
FIA Records A, II, 8
Unlimited License
300mph line qualified (305.129 best mile speed)
The older half of San Diego's Fastest Couple
2016 Man of Distinction Award
DLRA 2019 Top Speed of The Meet

Offline 4-barrel Mike

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #4058 on: July 19, 2019, 02:25:02 PM »
Seen April 22, 2019, in the uni-sex rest room in the waiting room on the 11th floor (Chemotherapy) of the newly opened Phil Knight Cancer Research Building of the Oregon Health Science University on the South Waterfront, Portland, Oregon:

 :cheers:
Mike Kelly - PROUD owner of the V4F that powered the #1931 VGC to a 82.803 mph record in 2008!

Offline manta22

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #4059 on: July 19, 2019, 08:03:39 PM »
Maybe that sign is for seeing-eye dogs.  :-D

Regards, Neil  Tucson, AZ
Regards, Neil  Tucson, AZ

Offline Speed Limit 1000

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #4060 on: July 19, 2019, 08:18:29 PM »
Neil, I could see that :cheers:
John Gowetski, red hat @ 221.183 MPH MSA Lakester, Bockscar #1000 60 ci normally aspirated w/N20

Offline jimmy six

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #4061 on: July 29, 2019, 12:18:05 PM »
  TWENTY DOLLARS

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

 

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state, during the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go.

It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

 

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book, which showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million.

Then, she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank, which were worth over $2 million and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that for more than three decades she had 'charged' him for sex, These holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.

 

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak; but finally, he found his voice and blurted out; 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!'

 

That's when she shot him.

 

You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut.

Women are like phones: They like to be held, talked to, and touched often; but push the wrong button and WHAM, you?re disconnected.
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Offline Stainless1

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #4062 on: July 29, 2019, 02:04:17 PM »
I read something that led me to a conclusion... In the article the writer used burro and burrow to mean the same thing....

Yep, that guy didn't know his A$$ from a hole in the ground  :cheers:
Stainless
Red Hat 228.039, 2001, 65ci, MSA Bockscar Lakester with a little N20 
MSA Bockscar Lakester #1000 my fastest mile 245 and change, 84 ci turbobusa motor... but Corey's 233 MPH H/BFL record is still 3MPH faster than mine.

Offline 4-barrel Mike

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #4063 on: August 02, 2019, 12:04:24 PM »
Somebody's nice niece in Nice.



 :cheers:

Mike
Mike Kelly - PROUD owner of the V4F that powered the #1931 VGC to a 82.803 mph record in 2008!

Offline manta22

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #4064 on: August 02, 2019, 12:16:14 PM »
Nifty  :-P

Regards, Neil  Tucson, AZ
Regards, Neil  Tucson, AZ