Author Topic: Stupid joke Friday  (Read 920880 times)

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Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2745 on: January 15, 2016, 08:30:45 AM »
I took the bride out last night to liquor her up...she drinks to tolerate me. We were sitting there chatting and I heard a voice..." Nice shirt'...Then I heard it again." Your daughter is very pretty'....then I heard it say.." I really like your haircut". The bartender walked by and I asked if she heard the voice too...She said " It`s the peanuts...They`re complimentary....................."
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Milwaukee Midget

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2746 on: January 15, 2016, 08:47:22 AM »
I took the bride out last night to liquor her up...she drinks to tolerate me. We were sitting there chatting and I heard a voice..." Nice shirt'...Then I heard it again." Your daughter is very pretty'....then I heard it say.." I really like your haircut". The bartender walked by and I asked if she heard the voice too...She said " It`s the peanuts...They`re complimentary....................."

You know it's Stupid Joke Friday when the nuts start talking.
"Problems are almost always a sign of progress."  Harold Bettes
Well, I guess we're making a LOT of progress . . .  :roll:

We are NOT rebuilding . . . We are reloading.

GOD SAVE MG - The Queen can take care of herself!

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2747 on: January 15, 2016, 09:16:58 AM »
I took the bride out last night to liquor her up...she drinks to tolerate me. We were sitting there chatting and I heard a voice..." Nice shirt'...Then I heard it again." Your daughter is very pretty'....then I heard it say.." I really like your haircut". The bartender walked by and I asked if she heard the voice too...She said " It`s the peanuts...They`re complimentary....................."

You know it's Stupid Joke Friday when the nuts start talking.
Are you sure you have the correct thread ???????
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline WOODY@DDLLC

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2748 on: January 15, 2016, 09:29:14 AM »
1.       Judge:  I’ve decided to give your ex-wife $800 per month in alimony.  Defendant:  That’s fine your Honor.  And once in a while, I’ll chip in a few bucks myself.

2.       How easy is it to count in binary code?  It is as easy as 01 10 11.

3.       I told my brother-in-law that onions were the only food that makes you cry.  So he threw a coconut at my face.

4.      A recent survey showed that out of 2,156,703,436 people, 94% were too lazy to actually read that number.

5.      What is Forrest Gump’s password?     1Forrest1
All models are wrong, but some are useful! G.E. Box (1967) www.designdreams.biz

Online 4-barrel Mike

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2749 on: January 15, 2016, 09:09:26 PM »
4.      A recent survey showed that out of 2,156,703,436 people, 94% were too lazy to actually read that number.


68.739% of all Internet statistics are made up.   :mrgreen:

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Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2750 on: January 22, 2016, 07:24:31 AM »
let`s celebrate winter......................where does a snowman keep his money??/  In the snow bank
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Milwaukee Midget

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2751 on: January 22, 2016, 08:40:06 AM »
let`s celebrate winter......................where does a snowman keep his money??/  In the snow bank

And what does he keep in his safe deposit box?

24 carrots.
"Problems are almost always a sign of progress."  Harold Bettes
Well, I guess we're making a LOT of progress . . .  :roll:

We are NOT rebuilding . . . We are reloading.

GOD SAVE MG - The Queen can take care of herself!

Offline Stainless1

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2752 on: January 22, 2016, 08:41:22 AM »
let`s celebrate winter......................where does a snowman keep his money??/  In the snow bank

I don't know Jerry, the forecast looks like it snow laughing matter  :cheers:
Stainless
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MSA Bockscar Lakester #1000 my fastest mile 245 and change, 84 ci turbobusa motor... but Corey's 233 MPH H/BFL record is still 3MPH faster than mine.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2753 on: January 22, 2016, 08:51:30 AM »
what do you  call a string of snow shoe rabbits  hopping backward????  a receeding hare line...................
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2754 on: January 29, 2016, 09:18:40 AM »
Godzilla walks in to a gas station and says " Fill `er up"  attendant says " You need a car for that"  Godzilla says " I just had a car this morning....."
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline WOODY@DDLLC

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2755 on: January 29, 2016, 09:23:09 AM »
1.     There are three kinds of people in this world.  Those who can count and those who can’t.

2.     It was so cold last week…that I saw several suppliers with their hands in their own pockets.

3.     If you take away the looks, money, intelligence, charm, and success…there is really no difference between me and George Clooney.

4.     One day the boss says you are the best thing since sliced bread.  The next day you are toast. [204 Engineers laid off at local GE yesterday!  :cry:]

5.     I noticed a new trend in the office lately.  Everyone is putting their names on their food.  No really…I saw it while I was eating a sandwich named Bruce.

Bonus:  I told my doctor about my loss of memory and he made me pay in advance.
All models are wrong, but some are useful! G.E. Box (1967) www.designdreams.biz

Offline bbarn

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2756 on: January 29, 2016, 09:26:50 AM »
I recently bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day!
I almost never wake up cranky, I usually just let her sleep in.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2757 on: January 29, 2016, 10:31:54 AM »
Was the drug dealer a ....sole brother???  ( here come the P.C. police)
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline bbarn

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2758 on: January 29, 2016, 10:42:07 AM »
Was the drug dealer a ....sole brother???  ( here come the P.C. police)

I think that comment was a little tongue in cheek perhaps?
I almost never wake up cranky, I usually just let her sleep in.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2759 on: January 29, 2016, 11:22:15 AM »
Indeed it was...I need to toe the line around here.............
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.