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Author Topic: Stupid joke Friday  (Read 968823 times)

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Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2655 on: September 25, 2015, 01:07:14 PM »
I just saw a chicken crossing the road....He was poultry in motion..
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Milwaukee Midget

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2656 on: September 25, 2015, 03:43:45 PM »
I just saw a chicken crossing the road....He was poultry in motion..
I just opened a can of Chicken of the Sea - it was poultry in ocean . . .
"Problems are almost always a sign of progress."  Harold Bettes
Well, I guess we're making a LOT of progress . . .  :roll:

We are NOT rebuilding . . . We are reloading.

GOD SAVE MG - The Queen can take care of herself!

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2657 on: October 02, 2015, 09:10:05 AM »
My wife took her driver`s test yesterday...she got 8 out of ten...The other two jumped out of her way........
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Stainless1

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2658 on: October 02, 2015, 09:22:37 AM »
I just added a new app to my phone... Instagram... when selected it speed dials my grandma  :cheers:
Stainless
Red Hat 228.039, 2001, 65ci, MSA Bockscar Lakester with a little N20 
MSA Bockscar Lakester #1000 my fastest mile 245 and change, 84 ci turbobusa motor... but Corey's 233 MPH H/BFL record is still 3MPH faster than mine.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2659 on: October 02, 2015, 10:00:58 AM »
Do pirates buy aye-phones ??????
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Milwaukee Midget

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2660 on: October 02, 2015, 11:29:03 AM »
Do pirates buy aye-phones ??????

No, they send texts via Ishmael - and it can be frustrating at times, trying to manipulate the touch screen with a hook . . .

"Arrr, , , Call me, Ishmael" . . .
"Problems are almost always a sign of progress."  Harold Bettes
Well, I guess we're making a LOT of progress . . .  :roll:

We are NOT rebuilding . . . We are reloading.

GOD SAVE MG - The Queen can take care of herself!

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2661 on: October 02, 2015, 02:06:36 PM »
I`ll bet that when Steve Jobs died, his wife cried her 'I'`s out..............
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Milwaukee Midget

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2662 on: October 02, 2015, 03:04:07 PM »
I`ll bet that when Steve Jobs died, his wife cried her 'I'`s out..............

And droid her tears with a max-I-pad?  :-o
"Problems are almost always a sign of progress."  Harold Bettes
Well, I guess we're making a LOT of progress . . .  :roll:

We are NOT rebuilding . . . We are reloading.

GOD SAVE MG - The Queen can take care of herself!

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2663 on: October 02, 2015, 07:30:05 PM »
I just added a new app to my phone... Instagram... when selected it speed dials my grandma  :cheers:
That is a great app Bob...we wouldn`t want your...." grand mother-bored " :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2664 on: October 09, 2015, 06:49:06 AM »
I received the nicest compliment from a cop yesterday...he left  a note on my windshield that read  ' Parking Fine"..................
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2665 on: October 09, 2015, 06:52:19 AM »
My sister Mary  ( Yes, Jerry Berry has a sister named  Mary.....One named Tarry too )  failed her driver`s test. On the question about what to do at a red light she answered  " I reply to texts and up-date my Facebook ....."
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Milwaukee Midget

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2666 on: October 09, 2015, 09:34:48 AM »
Tonight begins the National League Division playoff series - The Cubs at St. Louis.

As a lifelong Cubs fan, I should be excited, but looking at the starting pitchers, I've come to the realization that this game is going to be rather Lackey-Lester.

Go Cubs!  :dhorse:
"Problems are almost always a sign of progress."  Harold Bettes
Well, I guess we're making a LOT of progress . . .  :roll:

We are NOT rebuilding . . . We are reloading.

GOD SAVE MG - The Queen can take care of herself!

Offline Stainless1

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2667 on: October 09, 2015, 10:07:09 AM »
My sister Mary  ( Yes, Jerry Berry has a sister named  Mary.....One named Tarry too )  failed her driver`s test. On the question about what to do at a red light she answered  " I reply to texts and up-date my Facebook ....."

Middle names Straw and Raz... bet you kids grew up without ever getting in a jam
Stainless
Red Hat 228.039, 2001, 65ci, MSA Bockscar Lakester with a little N20 
MSA Bockscar Lakester #1000 my fastest mile 245 and change, 84 ci turbobusa motor... but Corey's 233 MPH H/BFL record is still 3MPH faster than mine.

Offline Seldom Seen Slim

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2668 on: October 09, 2015, 11:22:05 AM »
I'm pretty sure that Jerry doesn't have a sister named Larry -- and, as far as I'm concerned -- that's probably a good thing.

But -- did you hear about the optometrist that fell into his lens grinding machine?  He made a spectacle of himself.
Jon E. Wennerberg
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Offline wlarryglick

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2669 on: October 09, 2015, 02:07:06 PM »
There I was, sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

 "Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says menacingly, as I burst into tears.

 "Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying."

 "This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home, there I found my wife with another man and then my dog bit me."

 "So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve. Then you show up and drink the whole thing! But enough about me, how's your day going?"