Stupid joke FRIDAY

[Dean Los Angeles]

How do you get an astronaut baby to sleep? Rocket

What should an astronaut do when he gets dirty? Take a meteor shower

What did the astronaut get when the rocket fell on his foot? Mistletoe

What did the astronaut think of the restaurant on the moon? He thought the food was fine but there wasn't much of an atmosphere

What did the astronaut see on the stove? An unidentified frying object

What is an astronaut's favorite key on a computer keyboard? The space bar

What do you call an astronaut's watch? A lunar-tick

Where do astronauts keep their sandwiches? In their launch boxes

Why don't astronauts relate well to other people? They are not always down-to-earth

Why do astronauts wear bullet-proof vests? To protect themselves against shooting stars

What happens to astronauts who misbehave? They’re grounded

Did you hear the one about the spaceship? It was out of this world

What do you call a space magician? A flying saucerer

What kind of Star Wars toy can you ride? A Toy-Yoda

When is the moon not hungry? When it is full

How did the rocket lose its job? It was fired

How does the astronaut describe his work? Heavenly

[floydjer]

Hey Monte...I knew an astronaut who failed an experiment in weightlessness....He didn`t understand the gravity of the situation.   IT`S GOOD TO BE KING !!!!!!!

[floydjer]

You too Dean. King Jer

[USFRAMONTE]

Jerry,
I gladly bow down to the King of Stupid Joke Friday!!
Most of the people I work with here come to me and say "It's Friday, what is the stupid joke for the day?"
You and the others have provided me with plenty of groaners.

What do you call a bull that has swallowed a bomb?
Abominable!

Thanks all, for making me and my co-workers laugh out loud. Especially King Jerry!!

[manta22]

What did P.T. Barnum's critics call him?

The abominable showman..................

[Dean Los Angeles]

Abraham Lincoln said:
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time.

My dad said:
You can fool some of the people some of the time . . . And that's enough to make a decent living.

[floydjer]

Reminds me of the kid who ate his homework because his teacher said it was a piece of cake...............

[floydjer]

Hey Dean....Do you know what part of a computer astronauts like best?  The Space bar

[tauruck]

 
 
 
 
 
 Rednecks choking manuver.

A redneck and his girlfriend are having dinner one evening when all of a sudden the redneck's aquentice jumps up and stars gasping for air.

The redneck quickly stands up and realizes she choking on a piece of hamhok.

He starts pounding on her back like a drum and says "you alright?" she shakes her head no.

So then he starts hitting her belly, "how bout now?" he askes.

Her face now red shakes no. "i sure hate to have to do this to you" he says. then he goes behind her and flips up her dress and licks her in the ass crack.

He looks at her and askes her again "you alright?" she shakes her head no and her face is now purple.

The redneck looks at her with defeat and says "Well Im sorry, I guess that dog-gone hinelick manuver don't work after all"

[tauruck]

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle
please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

[USFRAMONTE]

After a long career of being blasted into a net, the human cannonball was tired.
He told the circus owner he was going to retire.
"But you can't" cried the owner, "Where am I going to find another man of your caliber?"

[USFRAMONTE]

Did you hear about the farmer whose dyslexic wife left him?
He found out in John Deere letter.

[Seldom Seen Slim]

The English Lit. teacher asked the pretty female student to name three plays by Shakespeare.

She replies:  "4 inches, 8 inches, and twelve inches."

The teacher ask her to explain that nonsense, to which the girl replies:

"Much ado about nothing",

"As you like it",

and "Midsummer Night's Dream".

[floydjer]

I see that my sweet and innocent joke thread has degraded into a cesspool of filth and disgusting sex jokes.  Keep up the good work.

[Milwaukee Midget]

After a long career of being blasted into a net, the human cannonball was tired.
He told the circus owner he was going to retire.
"But you can't" cried the owner, "Where am I going to find another man of your caliber?"

The poor guy had been fired more times than Billy Martin.  I'd quit, too.