Stupid joke FRIDAY

[Speed Limit 1000]

> The Sensuous Wife
 > >
 > > "Have you ever seen a twenty dollar bill all crumpled up?" asked the wife. "No," said her husband.
 > >
 > > She gave him a sexy little smile, slowly reached into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty dollar bill.
 > >
 > > "Have you ever seen a fifty all crumpled up?" she asked.
 > > "Uh, no," he said.
 > >
 > > She gave him another sexy little smile,seductively reached into her panties and pulled out a crumpled fifty dollar bill.
 > >
 > > "Now," she said, "Have you ever seen $30,000 dollars all crumpled up?"
 > >
 > > "No," he said, now really, really intrigued.
 > >
 > > "Go look in the garage..."

[tauruck]

Good one.

[rouse]

After searching all over the place for ammo, I finally found and bought several cases at one of our local gun shops.
 On the way back to my office I had to stop for gas, and filling up next to me was a beautiful young lady.
She noticed the ammo in the back of my truck and said she loved to barter, and wanted to know if I would trade ammo for sex.

I ask her what ammo did she have.

Rouse

[Captthundarr]

Better one 

[floydjer]

But on the other  hand....I have different fingers.

[rouse]

But on the other  hand....I have different fingers.

That's what she said!

[Dean Los Angeles]

The husband comes home and while searching for something else, comes across a bunch of golf balls and a pile of cash in his wife's dresser.

When the wife comes home he asks about it.

The wife says, "Some time ago when you cheated on me I decided to cheat on you with your golf buddies."

"So whats with the golf balls?"

"I charge them one golf ball for having sex."

"What's with the pile of cash?"

"Every time I get a dozen golf balls I sell them."

[Dean Los Angeles]

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion.
She kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boy friend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.
"Oh my!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long."

And then the fight started . . .

[robfrey]

Good ones Dean!

[floydjer]

During dinner last eve` I chimed in with what I felt was an inspired pun....The bride said " You`re' incorrigible"...I suggested she try not to "incorrige" me then.     It`s good to be King.

[floydjer]

When astronauts die...Does the family run an orbituary??

[Milwaukee Midget]

During dinner last eve` I chimed in with what I felt was an inspired pun....The bride said " You`re' incorrigible"...I suggested she try not to "incorrige" me then.    It`s good to be King.

That takes a lot of corrige.

My ex wife once called me 'incorrigible" - I called her a dirigible.

I'm much happier with the new model.

When astronauts die...Does the family run an orbituary??

No, but before they are buried, the coroner needs to check the body for lunarticks.

[Seldom Seen Slim]

Two old duffers were sitting at the bar, drinking, and looking straight ahead.  One says:

"Look at those two guys over there on the other side of the bar.  If we're not careful we'll look like that in 10 or 15 years."

The other one responds:  "That's us, you fool.  You're looking at the mirror behind the bar!"

[USFRAMONTE]

What do you call a nosey pepper?
Jalapeno business!

[USFRAMONTE]

I did hear once that astronauts have sandwiches made with launch meat!