Stupid joke FRIDAY

[Jon]

Sid.....
A German Shepard, c'mon man, what's happened to you since you moved to the states?

[Koncretekid]

A dog is truly a man's best friend.  Think about this.  If you locked your wife in the trunk of your car for an hour, would she lick your face when you let her out?

[LSR Mike]

If you are offended easy, do not watch:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNMq8XS4LhE

Rated PG-13.

That's funny right there, I don't care who ya are. I didn't get it until I saw the sheep with the ringing bell, then I fell out of the chair ROFLPIMP

[wobblywalrus]

That little flick is well done from a theatrical standpoint.  It is hard to get a plot, etc. in something that short.  They had a lot of fun making it, for sure.

[aircap]

Gotta admit, the tune is catchy and the girlies are cute.
The guy is creepy.

[doug odom]

My Grandson asked me why I don't have an Ipad so I can do instant messaging.

 I don't need an Ipad, I just use my middle finger.

[SaltRat]

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic liberal ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?" "Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action." "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when was the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma'am."
"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out and relax! I mean no sex since 1955! Come with me." She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterward, panting for breath, she leaned against his grizzled bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."

The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now."
Gotta love military time.

[floydjer]

I ran on the track team in school...Had a terible fear of hurdles. But I got over it.

[floydjer]

My favorite on-line origami store has folded...............................................

[Rcktscientist]

A MAN IN A FLORIDA SUPERMARKET TRIES TO BUY HALF A HEAD OF LETTUCE.

THE VERY YOUNG PRODUCE ASSISTANT TELLS HIM THAT THEY SELL ONLY WHOLE
HEADS OF LETTUCE.

THE MAN PERSISTS AND ASKS TO SEE THE MANAGER.

THE BOY SAYS HE'LL ASK HIS MANAGER ABOUT IT.

WALKING INTO THE BACK ROOM, THE BOY SAID TO HIS MANAGER,
'SOME ASSHOLE WANTS TO BUY HALF A HEAD OF LETTUCE.'

AS HE FINISHED HIS SENTENCE, HE TURNED TO FIND THE MAN
STANDING RIGHT BEHIND HIM, SO HE ADDED,
'AND THIS GENTLEMAN HAS KINDLY OFFERED TO BUY THE OTHER HALF.'

THE MANAGER APPROVED THE DEAL, AND THE MAN WENT ON HIS WAY.
LATER THE MANAGER SAID TO THE BOY,

'I WAS IMPRESSED WITH THE WAY YOU GOT YOURSELF OUT OF THAT SITUATION
EARLIER. WE LIKE PEOPLE WHO THINK ON THEIR FEET HERE.

WHERE ARE YOU FROM, SON?'

' GREENBAY , WISCONSIN , SIR,' THE BOY REPLIED.

'WELL, WHY DID YOU LEAVE GREENBAY ?' THE MANAGER ASKED.

THE BOY SAID, 'SIR, THERE'S NOTHING BUT WHORES AND FOOTBALL PLAYERS UP
THERE.'

'REALLY?' SAID THE MANAGER. 'MY WIFE IS FROM GREENBAY .'

'NO SUBARU?' REPLIED THE BOY. 'WHAT POSITION DID SHE PLAY ?'

[USFRAMONTE]

I recently learned that 7 days without food, makes one weak!!

[floydjer]

I bought a book about phobias.....I`m afraid it`s not going to help................

[Milwaukee Midget]

WHERE ARE YOU FROM, SON?'

' GREENBAY , WISCONSIN , SIR,' THE BOY REPLIED.

'WELL, WHY DID YOU LEAVE GREENBAY ?' THE MANAGER ASKED.

THE BOY SAID, 'SIR, THERE'S NOTHING BUT WHORES AND FOOTBALL PLAYERS UP
THERE.'

'REALLY?' SAID THE MANAGER. 'MY WIFE IS FROM GREENBAY .'

'NO SUBARU?' REPLIED THE BOY. 'WHAT POSITION DID SHE PLAY ?'

I know one of the whores played 4 the Jets 4 a year . . .

[floydjer]

Two fish are in a tank....One fish says to the other " You drive, I`ll man the guns"

[USFRAMONTE]

Two birds are sitting on a perch, one says to the other, do you smell fish?