Stupid joke Friday

[floydjer]

My cat fell asleep on the scanner.................Now I have a copy-cat.  ( Chris, Set the alarm for that one ??)

[Milwaukee Midget]

Chris, are you using a T-Rectal sphincter probe on that bad boy? 

Chris, Set the alarm for that one ??

A long day, Jerry.  I'm doing the audio install at the Milwaukee County Zoo for the animated Dinosaur exhibit.  I think the conversation went like this -

Zookeeper 1 - "Who do we know that can wire a dinosaur for sound?"

Zookeeper 2 - "Chris owns a couple of M.G.'s"

Zookeeper 1 - "Yeah, but we want them to work.  He'll bring all that Lucas NOS crap, and we know where that will lead"

Zookeeper 2 - "Extinction?  That would keep it authentic.  Besides, he's old enough to remember how they're supposed to sound."

Finishing the job this afternoon.  75 degrees, sunny, warm, out of the shop, making dino noises at the zoo. 



 

[USFRAMONTE]

Did you hear about the mouse that kicked the elephants butt?
The giraffe put him up to it.

[floydjer]

I took the cat off the scanner...she`s in the gas range now. I`m hoping to end up with a self-cleaning oven...........................www.instantrimshot.com

[USFRAMONTE]

Why do retired people like to go to Egypt on vacation?
Because it's the senile thing to do!

[Seldom Seen Slim]

Not good enough, Monte.  Try another one.

[McRat]

Our state gov't is about to switch over to a 36hr workweek.

I'm not sure the state employees are going like that much.

The existing system is much better; working only when their boss is looking ...

(stolen from Will Rogers)

[USFRAMONTE]

Ok Slim, I'll try again.

On their first visit to the big city a hillbilly family steps into nicest hotel in town.  While standing in the lobby taking in all there is to see, the mother and daughter run off the visit the fancy stores.  The father and son stand in amazement looking at the elevators.  A rather large woman in her 50's gets into
the elevator, the door closes and the men watch the numbers change...1, 2, 3, 4, 5.  A few moments later the numbers start changing the other way...5, 4, 3, 2, 1.  The door opens and out steps a beautiful young lady very smartly dressed.  The father turns to the son and says "boy, go get your mother".

Hope that was better.

[Seldom Seen Slim]

Monte, I didn't know there were any stores in Wendover that have a five-story elevator.  Or maybe you're talking about something in an even-bigger city. . .

[USFRAMONTE]

If I remember correctly that happened somewhere in northern Michigan.....or southern Utah!

[floydjer]

Do you know the definition of a will??......C`mon...It`s a dead give away. .....Happy Memorial Day everyone.  Jerry & Patti Berry

[WOODY@DDLLC]

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps you when you lie. He decides to test it out on his son at supper.

"Where were you last night?"

"I was at the library."

*robot slaps son*

"OK, I was at a friend s house."

"Doing what?" asked the father. Son: "Watching a movie. Toy Story."

*robot slaps son*

"OK, it was porn!" cried the son.

Father yells, "What!? When I was your age I didn't know what porn was."

*robot slaps the father*

The mother laughs and says, "He certainly is your son."

*robot slaps the mother*

[4-barrel Mike]

The lovely Bianca thought I should participate on Fridays, so she along the following:

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

PMS jokes aren't funny; period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

Velcro — what a rip off!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

 

Mike

[floydjer]

At breakfast this morning I told the waitress my coffeee tasted like mud....She said " Well, It is fresh ground....................."

[USFRAMONTE]

Teacher" "Now children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and I stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?

Student: "Brotherly love"?