Stupid joke Friday

[WOODY@DDLLC]

An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut, but he tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
 
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
 
When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed the little ball.
 
The barber replied, "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does." 

[Milwaukee Midget]

What do the Minnesota Vikings and a stolen car have in common?  No title.

[floydjer]

I had to quit my part-time job at H&R  Block. It was too taxing.     

[USFRAMONTE]

Did you hear the police were called to the laundromat?
Two shirts were being held up by three clothes pins.

[USFRAMONTE]

What kind of vehicle did Mickey Mouse get for his wife?
A Minnie Cooper, Minnie van or moustang....(take your pick).

[USFRAMONTE]

What is the best way to carve wood?
Whittle by whittle.


That's all folks!

[WOODY@DDLLC]

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”

The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.

“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”

The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!” 

[floydjer]

What do you call a fish with two legs?...................a two-knee fish..

[WOODY@DDLLC]

Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided that, in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel.

Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist; they put up a sign reading:

"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors". The town council was livid and insisted they change it.

So, the docs changed it to read: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids".

This was also not acceptable, so they again changed the sign. "Catatonics and High Colonics" - No go.

Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives" - thumbs down again.

Then came "Minds and Behinds" - still no good.

Another attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes" - unacceptable again!

So they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts" – not a chance.

"Nuts and Butts" - no way.

"Freaks and Cheeks" - still no good.

"Loons and Moons" - forget it.

Almost at their wit's end, the Doc's finally came up with: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones - Specializing in Odds and Ends". Everyone loved it! 

[floydjer]

Which side of a chicken has the most feathers???....The outside.  (just staying on topic.....)

[USFRAMONTE]

Do you know why the Chinese people will not use the phone book?
There are so many Wings and so many Wongs they are afraid they might wing the wong number!!

[USFRAMONTE]

What did the fast tomato say to the slow tomato?
Hey, ketch-up!

[Rcktscientist]

Some Unanswered Questions:

If 4 out of 5 people? SUFFER? from diarrhea...does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist,
but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?

If people from Poland are called Poles,
then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice:
When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together, it spells?
"THEIRS"?

[Seldom Seen Slim]

When it's time to clean your hair - use REAL poo and avoid that imitation stuff called sham-poo.

[Milwaukee Midget]

When it's time to clean your hair - use REAL poo and avoid that imitation stuff called sham-poo.

Oooh - then U2 plays shamrock!