Author Topic: Stupid joke FRIDAY  (Read 2147105 times)

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Offline Milwaukee Midget

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #765 on: October 26, 2011, 05:53:26 PM »
Jerry, you usually lead off on the SJF, but I've got to tell, I think you've found a topic that really works on this forum.  This sheep thing seems to have legs.

Long, thin, shapely legs . . .
"Problems are almost always a sign of progress."  Harold Bettes
Well, I guess we're making a LOT of progress . . .  :roll:

Offline Dean Los Angeles

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #766 on: October 26, 2011, 06:02:42 PM »
Angelo immigrated from Italy and made a fortune selling spaghetti.
He talked to the builder about the house of his dreams.

"I wanna curvin stairs onna right. I wanna curvin stairs onna left. In the middle I wanna hollow statue."
The builder was puzzled by the language, but got everything but the last one.
"You want a hollow statue?"
"Yessa, I wanna hollow statue inna tween the stairs."

The builder figured he had a lot of money to throw around, so he had a sculptor carve a beautiful, although hollow, statue.
On the day the build was finished the builder opened the front door to two fantastic curving stairways surrounding the statue.

"Hey! Thema stairs looka really great. The carved broad looks a good too. But wheres the hollow statue?"
"It's right there!"
"No, no. I wanna . . . you know. Ringa, ringa. Hollow? is statue?"
Well, it used to be Los Angeles . . . 50 miles north of Fresno now.
Just remember . . . It isn't life or death.
It's bigger than life or death! It's RACING.

Offline Dean Los Angeles

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #767 on: October 26, 2011, 06:10:46 PM »
Mary is having the whole house and gardens renovated.
After major construction she is showing the contractor the colors she wants.

"I want the living room a light beige col . . . "
In the middle of the sentence the contractor runs over to the window, throws it open and yells,
"Green up! Green up!" He slams the window and come back. "You were saying?"

Mary continues with the color pallate. "I want the dining roo . . . "
Once again the builder runs to the window, throws it open and yells,
"Green up! Green up!" He slams the window and comes back. "You were saying?"

Mary is getting upset over this behavior, but is too polite to say anything. "In the bedr . . ."
Once again a trip to the window.
"Green up! Green up!" He slams the window and come back. "You were saying?"
By this time Mary had had enough. "What on earth is going on? You keep yelling out the window!"
The contractor apologized and said, "I have a bunch of morons from Landracing.com putting the sod in."
Well, it used to be Los Angeles . . . 50 miles north of Fresno now.
Just remember . . . It isn't life or death.
It's bigger than life or death! It's RACING.

Offline Moxnix

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #768 on: October 26, 2011, 06:15:10 PM »
Oooooh.  Bring the sheep jokes baaahhhk.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
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Offline Stan Back

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #769 on: October 26, 2011, 07:37:45 PM »
You know -- looking again at the Air New Zealand ad -- it looks like they're charging $90 each to take the arm rests out.  Now, that's not funny (sorry).
Past (Only) Member of the San Berdoo Roadsters -- "California's Most-Exclusive Roadster Club" -- 19 Years of Bonneville and/or El Mirage Street Roadster Records

Offline bbarn

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #770 on: October 27, 2011, 09:02:45 AM »
I almost never wake up cranky, I usually just let her sleep in.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #771 on: October 27, 2011, 10:57:11 AM »
 :cheers:
« Last Edit: October 27, 2011, 11:04:02 AM by floydjer »
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Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #772 on: October 27, 2011, 11:05:06 AM »
Wow, this week I feel like every day is Friday. I hope someone's lawyer doesn't make Slim remove it!
Or the band-width police....................
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline SaltRat

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #773 on: October 27, 2011, 11:35:20 AM »

It says (I "heard") the next related search is "New Zealand Dating" - what does this mean???

Why is New Zealand like a clitoris?
They are both "down there" and nobody cares.


Seriously, love the downunder guys.  No, really!


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When (if?) this baby hits 88mph, you'll see some serious poo.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #774 on: October 28, 2011, 07:57:23 AM »
Now that it`s Friday :roll: .............Thieves stole all of the toilets from a local Police station.  A spokesman said no clues were found and the officers have nothing to go on........................ :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline wobblywalrus

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #775 on: October 28, 2011, 09:04:03 AM »
DO NOT OPEN THE SHEEPFINDER.  I clicked on it and it would not open.  Suddenly I was dealing with a virus called Troj/Sirefef-1.  I think I was lucky enough to stop the virus before it trashed the system. 

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #776 on: October 28, 2011, 09:12:48 AM »
I`m only slightly concerned that you looked........................................
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Offline Stainless1

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #777 on: October 28, 2011, 09:16:05 AM »
Slightly????
Stainless
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Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #778 on: November 04, 2011, 08:25:45 AM »
Two DNA are walking together when one turns and asks " Do these genes make me look fat ?" :roll:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Online WOODY@DDLLC

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #779 on: November 04, 2011, 10:01:05 AM »
In an alcohol factory the regular taster died and the director was in urgent need of looking for a replacement.

A drunkard with ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position..

The director of the factory wondered how to send him away.

They tested him.

They gave him a glass with a drink.

He tried it and said, "It's red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers."

"That's correct", said the boss.

Another glass.

"It's red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels."

"Correct."

A third glass.

''It's champagne, high grade and exclusive'' calmly said the drunk.

The director was astonished.

He winked at his secretary to suggest something.

She brought in a glass of slightly yellow liquid. The alcoholic tried it.

"It's a blonde, 26 years old, pregnant in the third month.

And if you don't give me the job, I'll name the father!"
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