Author Topic: Stupid joke FRIDAY  (Read 2147915 times)

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Offline k.h.

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #720 on: September 09, 2011, 06:40:54 PM »
My one-legged adventure was with a girl named Peg.  She left me after an argument when I told her she didn't have a leg to stand on.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice.  But in practice, there is.--Jan L. A. Van de Snepscheut

Offline Dr Goggles

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #721 on: September 09, 2011, 06:47:47 PM »
My one-legged adventure was with a girl named Peg.  She left me after an argument when I told her she didn't have a leg to stand on.

Pedant!

.or should I say, stop being so ped-anti-c
« Last Edit: September 09, 2011, 08:03:26 PM by Dr Goggles »
Few understand what I'm trying to do but they vastly outnumber those who understand why...................

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THE LUCKIEST MAN IN SLOW BUSINESS.

Offline 4-barrel Mike

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #722 on: September 16, 2011, 12:38:42 PM »
From my crazy uncle in Red Bluff:

Just a little body humor!

Colonoscopy

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs , "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum , "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.  Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

The Moral of the story?  Even though the others do all the work...




The ass hole is usually in charge.

 :cheers:
Mike Kelly - PROUD owner of the V4F that powered the #1931 VGC to a 82.803 mph record in 2008!

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #723 on: September 16, 2011, 06:44:02 PM »
Two fonts walk in to a bar and the bartender says  " We don`t serve your type in here.................." :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Milwaukee Midget

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #724 on: September 23, 2011, 11:27:08 AM »
More an observation than a joke - or is it . . . ?  :roll:

Today, gold is trading at about $1700.00 a troy ounce.
 
58.8 troy ounces = ~ $100,000.00
 
There are 10.172 troy ounces per cubic inch.
 
$100,000.00 worth of gold would be a bar about 1" wide, 1" high, and 5 3/4" long.
 
Which is about the size of a Nestle $100,000.00 bar.

 
"Problems are almost always a sign of progress."  Harold Bettes
Well, I guess we're making a LOT of progress . . .  :roll:

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #725 on: September 23, 2011, 01:55:55 PM »
Know what happens to Eskimos that sit on the ice too long?? They get polaroids :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline theazoldcrow

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #726 on: September 23, 2011, 03:36:43 PM »
 :-D
The way to catch a Polar Bear.
Cut a 6 inch hole in the ice.
Ring the hole with 1 can of S & W Brand Pea's.

When the bear comes out to take a pea,,,,,,
Ya kick 'em in the ice hole!
The Earth, is an intergalactic insane asylum.!

Offline 4-barrel Mike

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #727 on: September 23, 2011, 04:46:28 PM »
No joke!  :-D  World's most tatooed man! http://video.foxnews.com/v/1178274046001/?test=faces

 :cheers:

Mike
Mike Kelly - PROUD owner of the V4F that powered the #1931 VGC to a 82.803 mph record in 2008!

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #728 on: September 30, 2011, 08:31:31 AM »
I wonder how deep the oceans would be without sponges...................................
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Peter Jack

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #729 on: September 30, 2011, 05:35:12 PM »
Why such a deep question on a light hearted board Floydjer??? :? :? :? :evil:

Pete

Offline Stan Back

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #730 on: September 30, 2011, 06:31:14 PM »
What do they call Hawaiian Hebrews?

Pineapple Jews.
Past (Only) Member of the San Berdoo Roadsters -- "California's Most-Exclusive Roadster Club" -- 19 Years of Bonneville and/or El Mirage Street Roadster Records

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #731 on: October 07, 2011, 08:05:31 AM »
Know the worst part of a lung transplant??.....Knowing that the first time you cough up phlegm..It isn`t your own................................ :-o
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #732 on: October 11, 2011, 02:48:04 PM »
Wow....Brought my own thread to a screeching halt........................................... :cry:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Dean Los Angeles

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #733 on: October 11, 2011, 02:54:43 PM »
It's hard to top what you put out there.

By the way, do you know how to top a car?

Tep on the brake tupid!
Well, it used to be Los Angeles . . . 50 miles north of Fresno now.
Just remember . . . It isn't life or death.
It's bigger than life or death! It's RACING.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #734 on: October 14, 2011, 11:09:25 AM »
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?/...Because if they flew over the bay, they`d be ....bay gulls.      :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.