Author Topic: Stupid joke FRIDAY  (Read 2147071 times)

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Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #705 on: August 19, 2011, 02:26:10 PM »
I`d never hit a man with glasses....I`d hit him with a baseball bat............... :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #706 on: August 26, 2011, 01:52:42 PM »
An American, A Swede, A Pole, A Spaniard, A German, A Greek, A Mexican, A Bolivian, A Chinese, A Viet Namese, An Englishman, An Irishman, An Italian, A Cuban, A Canadian, a Portugese  and A Scotsman walk up to a bar. The door man says " Sorry, You can`t come in without a Thai..................... :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline WOODY@DDLLC

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #707 on: August 26, 2011, 02:33:32 PM »
A filthy rich Florida man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors.

He also invited Bubba, the only Redneck in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.

Bubba was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women.

At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 10 foot man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in.

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash. Everyone turned around and saw Bubba in the pool!

Bubba was fighting the gator and kicking its rear! Bubba was jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping it through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor. The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Bubba and the gator were screaming and raising heck. Finally Bubba strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime store goldfish. Bubba then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

Finally the host says, 'Well, Bubba, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.'

'No, that's okay. I don't want It,' said Bubba.

The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you something, you won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?'

No thanks, I don't want it,' answered Bubba.

The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?'

Again Bubba said no.

Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well, Bubba, then what do you want?'

Bubba said, 'I want the name of the SoB who pushed me in the pool!'
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Offline Milwaukee Midget

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #708 on: September 02, 2011, 09:19:15 AM »
Jerry?

Jerry??

Jerry!!!

Wake up - it's Friday!

If you don't give me a stupid joke, I'll cut and paste my build diary over here.

Chop, chop . . .
"Problems are almost always a sign of progress."  Harold Bettes
Well, I guess we're making a LOT of progress . . .  :roll:

Offline Seldom Seen Slim

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #709 on: September 02, 2011, 01:17:18 PM »
My dad was on the way to the store, walking down the nice residential street (he lived in Eisenstadt, Austria) and passed the local house of ill repute (there are common and legal in Austria).  He was surprised to see six good-looking and naked women lying on the ground, with a somewhat-older good-looking woman standing behind them. 

He asked the lady for some explanation, and she told Dad:

"I'm the madam here.  The business has been so slow that we're having a yard sale today."
Jon E. Wennerberg
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Offline bbarn

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #710 on: September 02, 2011, 03:27:38 PM »
How can you find Ronald McDonald on a nude beach?

Just look for his sesame seed buns!!
I almost never wake up cranky, I usually just let her sleep in.

Offline bucketlist

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #711 on: September 02, 2011, 04:23:25 PM »
Joe goes to a comedian's convention with his friend Charlie, who is a professional comedian.

They're sitting in a large crowded auditorium. Someone stands up and says "47." The crowd laughs. Someone else stands up, says "62." The crowd laughs.

After a couple more like this, Joe asks Charlie what's going on.

"We're all professionals and we know all the jokes," Charlie explains, "so we just give the number to save a lot of time."

Joe asks permission to try it, stands up, says "36." Silence, no laughs, a couple of snickers.

Joe sits down, embarrassed. "What did I do wrong?" he asks.

Charlie says "You know how it is, some people just can't tell a joke."
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #712 on: September 02, 2011, 08:10:00 PM »
Calm down Chris...I`ve been busy.>>>>>>>>I used to date a girl that had a wooden leg,....But I broke it off :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #713 on: September 02, 2011, 08:12:06 PM »
Bonus for today>> did you hear that Jimmy hoffa has been found?? He works in the materiy ward of a hosoital....Organizing labor pains.......................... :roll: HAPPY LABOR DAY EVERYONE..J.B.
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #714 on: September 09, 2011, 06:22:35 AM »
Stan, You missed my spelling of Hospital :evil:  Anyway...I returned a book on surgery to the book store.....Someone removed the appendix :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Milwaukee Midget

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #715 on: September 09, 2011, 10:20:41 AM »
Stan, You missed my spelling of Hospital :evil:  Anyway...I returned a book on surgery to the book store.....Someone removed the appendix :cheers:

I think I checked that book out from the library - was that the one by Ann Esthesia?
"Problems are almost always a sign of progress."  Harold Bettes
Well, I guess we're making a LOT of progress . . .  :roll:

Offline Stan Back

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #716 on: September 09, 2011, 11:16:40 AM »
No -- Les Paine.
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Offline Rcktscientist

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #717 on: September 09, 2011, 01:36:32 PM »
A Minister begins his sermon by holding up 4 jars each containing a worm. The first jar is full of alcohol and the worm is dead. The second jar is full of cigarettes and the worm is dead. The third jar is full of chocolate, and yes the worm is dead. The fourth is full of clean fresh soil and the worm is healthy and very much alive. The Minister asked his Flock what they have learned. An old Feisty woman stood up and said: “If you drink, smoke and eat chocolate you won’t get worms!”  Sermon over.

Offline Dean Los Angeles

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #718 on: September 09, 2011, 02:01:44 PM »
Charlie is spending quality time . . . with his girl friend. He looks at his watch and says,

"Dang! It's two o'clock and my wife is going to kill me. I gotta get home."

"Wanda, I need some talcum powder. Do you have any?"

Charlie heads home and as soon as the door opens all hell breaks loose.

"Where have you been all night!!"

Charlie is standing there with his hands behind his back.

"I was having sex with Wanda."

"Let me see your hands!  Damn! You've been bowling again!!"
 
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Offline Dr Goggles

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #719 on: September 09, 2011, 05:26:03 PM »
Calm down Chris...I`ve been busy.>>>>>>>>I used to date a girl that had a wooden leg,....But I broke it off :cheers:

I think I knew her.....Eileen? She belonged to a splinter group for amputrees
Few understand what I'm trying to do but they vastly outnumber those who understand why...................

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