Speed Limit 1000
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Age: 63
Location: Denver, Colorado
Posts: 376
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« Reply #915 on: April 21, 2012, 12:09:44 AM » |
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Freud joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and he immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says: "Sir, did you call for me?" Freud replies: "No, what do you mean?" She says: "You must be new here; let me explain. It's a rule here that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me." Smiling, she then leads him to the side of a pool, lays down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
Freud continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down, and farts. Within a few seconds a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him. The Huge Man says: "Sir, did you call for me?" Freud replies: "No, what do you mean?" The Huge Man: "You must be new here; it is a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me." The huge man then easily spins Freud around, bends him over the bench and has his way with him.
Freud rushes back to the colony office. He is greeted by the smiling naked receptionist: "May I help you?" Freud says: "Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500 joining fee." Receptionist: "But Sir, you've only been here a couple of hours; you only saw a small fraction of our facilities....."Freud replies: "Listen lady, I am 83 years old, I get a hard-on twice a month, but I fart 15 times a day. No thanks."
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jgowetski red hat @ 221.183 MPH MSA Lakester, Bockscar #1000 60 ci normally aspirated w/N20
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olepaw
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Location: north columbus ,oh
Posts: 68
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« Reply #916 on: April 21, 2012, 07:08:26 PM » |
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good one, i think?
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D/CGC record Ohio mile
G/GC record Ohio mile
H/GC record Ohio mile
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salt27
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Age: 6
Location: S.W. Orygun
Posts: 464
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« Reply #917 on: April 21, 2012, 09:20:32 PM » |
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Did he leave on his motorcycle?  |
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Contrary to what you may have been told, you are not "only as old as you feel", but only as old as you act.
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floydjer
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Location: grand rapids, michigan
Posts: 970
"There is no duck side of the moon..."
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« Reply #918 on: April 27, 2012, 07:48:32 AM » |
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Two fish are in a tank, one fish turns to the other and asks........... " Do you know how to drive this thing " ??  |
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I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.
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USFRAMONTE
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Location: West Bountiful, Utah
Posts: 125
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« Reply #919 on: April 27, 2012, 09:19:34 AM » |
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Did you know that the manure spreader made by John Deere is the only piece of equipment the company
will not stand behind?
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USFRAMONTE
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Age: 59
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Posts: 125
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« Reply #920 on: April 27, 2012, 09:22:54 AM » |
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Be careful of running behind a car....
you'll get exhausted!
Be careful of running in front of a car....
you'll get tired!
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USFRAMONTE
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Age: 59
Location: West Bountiful, Utah
Posts: 125
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« Reply #921 on: April 27, 2012, 09:27:54 AM » |
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A pencil could be made with an eraser at both ends.....
but what would be the point?
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USFRAMONTE
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Location: West Bountiful, Utah
Posts: 125
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« Reply #922 on: April 27, 2012, 09:39:51 AM » |
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What does a dentist call and x-ray?
A tooth pic.
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WOODY@DDLLC
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Age: 68
Location: Cincinnati
Posts: 496
It's here ......... the Ohio Mile!
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« Reply #923 on: April 27, 2012, 11:21:18 AM » |
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Boobs without nipples would be pointless!
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WOODY@DDLLC
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Age: 68
Location: Cincinnati
Posts: 496
It's here ......... the Ohio Mile!
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« Reply #924 on: April 27, 2012, 11:23:02 AM » |
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A Scotsman buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.
After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help.
The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.
The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant.
The vet tells him that they will stop standing around, and instead will lie down, and wallow in the grass, when they are pregnant.
The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself.
So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, then goes to bed.
Next morning,he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the Land Rover again.
He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted.
Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around.
"Try again." he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive them out to the woods.
He spends all day shagging the sheep, and upon returning home, falls knackered into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window.
He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.
"No,"she says, "They're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn."
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floydjer
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Age: 55
Location: grand rapids, michigan
Posts: 970
"There is no duck side of the moon..."
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« Reply #925 on: May 04, 2012, 07:25:23 AM » |
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You guys can start with out me.....  I had a pet chicken that was so mean,...It layed deviled eggs. |
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I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.
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4-barrel Mike
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Age: 65
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1873
Any fool can drive a V8
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« Reply #926 on: May 04, 2012, 08:26:47 AM » |
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Are you sure it wasn't possessed?  Mike |
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Mike Kelly - PROUD owner of the V4F that powered the #1931 VGC to a 82.803 mph record in 2008!
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WOODY@DDLLC
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Age: 68
Location: Cincinnati
Posts: 496
It's here ......... the Ohio Mile!
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« Reply #927 on: May 04, 2012, 10:14:36 AM » |
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They say that during sex, you burn off as many calories as you would by running 8 miles! What I want to know is who the hell can run 8 miles in 30 seconds? |
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WOODY@DDLLC
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Age: 68
Location: Cincinnati
Posts: 496
It's here ......... the Ohio Mile!
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« Reply #928 on: May 04, 2012, 10:16:38 AM » |
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If you buy stuff online, check out the seller carefully. Be careful what you purchase on e-Bay. A friend spent $75 on a "manly" enlarger. B*st*rds sent him a magnifying glass. Instructions said, "Do not use in the sunlight!"  |
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USFRAMONTE
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Age: 59
Location: West Bountiful, Utah
Posts: 125
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« Reply #929 on: May 04, 2012, 11:12:01 AM » |
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Did you hear what happened when the school teacher tied all the students shoe laces together?
They took a class trip!
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