Author Topic: Stupid joke FRIDAY  (Read 2147769 times)

0 Members and 8 Guests are viewing this topic.

Offline floydjer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4242
  • "There is no duck side of the moon..."
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #660 on: June 03, 2011, 02:07:56 PM »
Did I mention that my frog wears shoes??? They`re ....."Open-toad" :lol:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline theazoldcrow

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 843
  • Yup!
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #661 on: June 03, 2011, 11:53:36 PM »
 :-o Now that ya mention it,......."Ya crack me up ,,,, sometimes,,,  alot??   Oh welll.....~
The Earth, is an intergalactic insane asylum.!

Offline floydjer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4242
  • "There is no duck side of the moon..."
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #662 on: June 10, 2011, 10:49:16 AM »
Walking through the crowd at the last summer Olympics, I saw a man carrying a long wooden shaft. I asked if he were a pole vaulter and he said 'No...I`m german,...But how did you know my name`s Walter?"
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4242
  • "There is no duck side of the moon..."
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #663 on: June 17, 2011, 07:36:47 AM »
Did you hear about the suicidal twin who killed her sister by mistake???? :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Seldom Seen Slim

  • Nancy and me and the pit bike
  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 13158
  • Nancy -- 201.913 mph record on a production ZX15!
    • Nancy and Jon's personal website.
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #664 on: June 17, 2011, 07:49:42 AM »
Jerry, that reminded me of the story about the sadist and masochist that were having a heated discussion.  The Masochist said "Hit me, hurt me, please!!", and the Sadist replied "No, I won't. . ."
Jon E. Wennerberg
 a/k/a Seldom Seen Slim
 Skandia, Michigan
 (that's way up north)
2 Club member x2
Owner of landracing.com

Offline floydjer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4242
  • "There is no duck side of the moon..."
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #665 on: June 17, 2011, 01:42:35 PM »
Slim, I asked a masochist friend what she saw in her sadist boyfriend...She said " Beats me " :evil:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline 4-barrel Mike

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3173
  • Any fool can drive a V8
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #666 on: June 17, 2011, 01:45:47 PM »
From my crazy uncle in Red Bluff:

Wish To Live Forever
 
I met a fairy today that said she would grant me one wish.
 
"I want to live forever," I said.
 
"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that!"
 
"Fine," I said, "then I want to die after Congress get their heads out of their asses!"
 
"You crafty bastard," said the fairy.
Mike Kelly - PROUD owner of the V4F that powered the #1931 VGC to a 82.803 mph record in 2008!

Offline WOODY@DDLLC

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1803
  • ECTA made it to AR-Kansas!
    • Design Dreams, LLC
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #667 on: June 17, 2011, 04:48:54 PM »
This made me laugh hard!!

I recently picked a new primary care doctor.

After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned sixty-something.)

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'

He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?

'Oh no,' I replied.  'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued Ribs?

'I said, 'Not much... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking or bicycling?'

'No, I don't,' I said.

He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars or have a lots of sex?'

'No,' I said.

He looked at me and said, 'Then why do you even give a Subaru?
All models are wrong, but some are useful! G.E. Box (1967) www.designdreams.biz

Offline floydjer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4242
  • "There is no duck side of the moon..."
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #668 on: June 24, 2011, 06:17:02 AM »
I bought a book of poetry , written by Mongolian rulers......It has it`s prose and khans................... :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Milwaukee Midget

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 6662
    • Milwaukee Midget Racing
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #669 on: June 24, 2011, 08:10:58 AM »
I bought a book of poetry , written by Mongolian rulers......It has it`s prose and khans................... :cheers:

5:17 in the morning??!! :?
"Problems are almost always a sign of progress."  Harold Bettes
Well, I guess we're making a LOT of progress . . .  :roll:

Offline manta22

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4137
  • What, me worry?
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #670 on: June 24, 2011, 01:25:26 PM »
A potentate, rich and despotic

had tastes that were rather exotic

"I've always adored making love in a Ford...

you see, I'm auto-erotic."

 :-D

Regards, Neil   Tucson, AZ
Regards, Neil  Tucson, AZ

Offline SaltRat

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 150
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #671 on: June 24, 2011, 07:21:19 PM »
There was a young lady from Exeter,

all the young men threw their sex at her!

Just to be rude,

she'd lie in the nude . . .

while her parrot, a pervert, took pecks at her.
SaltRat
When (if?) this baby hits 88mph, you'll see some serious poo.

Offline manta22

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4137
  • What, me worry?
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #672 on: June 24, 2011, 09:26:22 PM »
A young trapeeze artist named Bract

was faced with a very sad fact--
 
imagine his pain

when again and again

he catches his wife in the act.

Regards, Neil  Tucson, AZ
Regards, Neil  Tucson, AZ

Offline Gwillard

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 238
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #673 on: June 24, 2011, 10:41:03 PM »
The Mouse On The Barroom Floor

Some Guinness was spilt on the barroom floor
When the pub was shut for the night.
Out of his hole crept a wee brown mouse
And stood in the pale moon light.

He lapped up the frothy brew from the floor
Then back on haunches he sat.
And all night long you could hear him roar
"Bring on the God Damn cat!"
Will weld for beer :cheers:

Offline Milwaukee Midget

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 6662
    • Milwaukee Midget Racing
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #674 on: June 24, 2011, 11:15:58 PM »
Limericks AND mice -
Which brings us to . . .

Hickory dickory dock
Two mice ran up her sock
One stopped at the garter
The other was smarter
Hickory dickory doc.
"Problems are almost always a sign of progress."  Harold Bettes
Well, I guess we're making a LOT of progress . . .  :roll: