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Author Topic: Stupid joke Friday  (Read 1150499 times)

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Offline Gwillard

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #585 on: February 18, 2011, 05:28:53 AM »
I left my job as a clock repairman. The hours were all wrong.....
Will weld for beer :cheers:

Offline Rcktscientist

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #586 on: February 18, 2011, 10:07:53 AM »
Testicle Therapy (Yet another golfer joke)

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men.

He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.  'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.

'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.

She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?

He replied: It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken!
 

Online Ron Gibson

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #587 on: February 20, 2011, 09:14:08 AM »
A man had been going to the doctor for a excruciating headache for several months.

The doctor finally says, "we have tried every drug known to man for pain relief and nothing seems to help. The only thing I can recommend is cutting off one of your testes".

The guy says "That seems pretty severe but I have to have some relief, Go ahead".

When he came back to the doc a week later, he says "It's much better but the headaches are still terrible".

The doc says "Our only option is to cut the other testicle for complete relief".

The man after a lot of serious deliberation finally says "Go ahead".

The head aches went completely away. The man was so happy to have the pain gone he decided to buy himself a new suit.

The tailor when measuring him says "Lets see, that's a 36" waist".

The man says "No that's a 32" waist. I've been  wearing 32" shorts for years"

The tailor says "Didn't you know that if you wear your shorts too tight it squeezes your testicles and gives you headaches?"
Life is an abrasive. Whether you get ground away or polished to a shine depends on what you are made of.

Offline Stainless1

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #588 on: February 20, 2011, 01:09:57 PM »
Ron... Ron... Ron, you can only post to this thread on Friday... I'm surprised Jerry let that slip by.... You have to use the other threads the other 6 days of the week....  :roll:
 :cheers:
Stainless
Red Hat 228.039, 2001, 65ci, MSA Bockscar Lakester with a little N20 
MSA Bockscar Lakester #1000 my fastest mile 245 and change, 84 ci turbobusa motor... but Corey's 233 MPH H/BFL record is still 3MPH faster than mine.

Offline Glen

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #589 on: February 20, 2011, 01:25:29 PM »
Stainless, they are behind times at least a day or two.
Glen
Crew on Turbinator II

South West, Utah

Offline Stainless1

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #590 on: February 20, 2011, 07:16:47 PM »
 
Stainless, they are behind times at least a day or two.

 Glen, you mean in Nebraska, its more than that, but way less than in Kansas....when I moved here I had to set my watch back 20 years.....  :roll:
Hey Ron, go Big Red, nice job on TX....
Stainless
Red Hat 228.039, 2001, 65ci, MSA Bockscar Lakester with a little N20 
MSA Bockscar Lakester #1000 my fastest mile 245 and change, 84 ci turbobusa motor... but Corey's 233 MPH H/BFL record is still 3MPH faster than mine.

Offline Glen

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #591 on: February 20, 2011, 07:20:04 PM »
Yeah, it was Nebraska I was talking about. There are a couple of others as well, Parts of Utah is still trying to catch up. lol
Glen
Crew on Turbinator II

South West, Utah

Online Ron Gibson

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #592 on: February 20, 2011, 07:35:55 PM »
Sorry about that. I'll honestly try to do better in the future if you all will forgive me. As usual, I can't pay attention let alone my parts bill (indigestion-swallowing valves is expensive). I wasn't paying attention and only looked at the new posts and reminded me of that one so replied.

Stainless
My parts are at Saum in Wichita for repairs. When I come to get them hopefully he can take me to see Tom Hannah's liner, go again to Boeing surplus and the yard.

Ron
Life is an abrasive. Whether you get ground away or polished to a shine depends on what you are made of.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #593 on: February 25, 2011, 12:20:11 AM »
What with today being Friday................ :evil: Did I tell you about the two Fungus that started dating??  They took a lichen to each other.
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Elmo Rodge

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #594 on: February 25, 2011, 03:31:47 AM »
Yeah, it was Nebraska I was talking about. There are a couple of others as well, Parts of Utah is still trying to catch up. lol
Yeah. It's still 1955 here in Salina. That's why I moved here.  :-) Wayno

Offline Gwillard

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #595 on: February 25, 2011, 05:29:33 AM »
My best friend went ice fishing last week and caught 20 pounds.
His wife tried to cook it and they both drowned.  :oops:
Will weld for beer :cheers:

Offline Dean Los Angeles

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #596 on: February 25, 2011, 09:25:14 AM »
Quote
Did I tell you about the two Fungus that started dating??  They took a lichen to each other.

Freddie Fungus took a lichen to Alice Algae.

Not two fungus.
Well, it used to be Los Angeles . . . 50 miles north of Fresno now.
Just remember . . . It isn't life or death.
It's bigger than life or death! It's RACING.

Offline 4-barrel Mike

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #597 on: February 25, 2011, 03:14:27 PM »
From my crazy uncle in Red Bluff:

The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

 
Finally , the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules"
From the female side....
 
  Now here are the rules from the male side.   
 
These are our rules! Please note: these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE!
 

 
1.  Men are NOT mind readers.
(FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)
 
1.  Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1.  Sunday sports or news, It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.

Let it be.

1.  Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

 1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.

Not both.
If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself.

1.  Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Captain Cook did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle..

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football
or Cars.


1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape.   Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
 
 
Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - 
to give them a bigger laugh.
Mike Kelly - PROUD owner of the V4F that powered the #1931 VGC to a 82.803 mph record in 2008!

Offline Gwillard

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #598 on: February 25, 2011, 04:01:05 PM »
I know of two ways to argue with a woman.
Neither one works.  :-P
Will weld for beer :cheers:

Offline Rcktscientist

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #599 on: March 04, 2011, 10:11:18 AM »
Well it's Friday in California, so....Vicki loves this one

What do you call a mushroom with a 9 inch stem?

A Fungi to be with.