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Author Topic: Stupid joke Friday  (Read 1155224 times)

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Offline 38flattie

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #570 on: January 07, 2011, 07:04:38 PM »
Haha...NEVER under estimate the boundaries of a women!!! hehe

 

To my darling husband,

Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me.

I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car.

I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart. I am enclosing a picture for you.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife.
XXX

 Scroll down




 

BE SURE AND SCROLL PAST THE PICTURE
 
 
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. However, this is not necessarily a good idea. It is hard to be sure where they are going to land, and it could be dangerous sitting under them as they fly overhead. -- RFC 1925

You can't make a race horse out of a pig. But if you work hard enough at it you can make a mighty fast pig. - Bob Akin

http://www.flatcadracing.org/
http://youtu.be/89rVb497_4c

Offline 4-barrel Mike

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #571 on: January 07, 2011, 07:51:32 PM »
This one maybe  :?  :?



 :cheers:  Mike

Mike Kelly - PROUD owner of the V4F that powered the #1931 VGC to a 82.803 mph record in 2008!

Offline 38flattie

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #572 on: January 07, 2011, 07:58:23 PM »
Guess you already knew that one! I'm not sure why the pic wouldn't post.

Here's one:





            Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary
            His wife was really angry.
            She told him " Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
            driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 10 seconds

            AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!

            The next morning Bob got up early and left for work.
            When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure
            enough,there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the
            driveway. Confused,the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway,
            and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand
            new bathroom scale.


                Bob has been missing since Wednesday. Please pray for him!
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. However, this is not necessarily a good idea. It is hard to be sure where they are going to land, and it could be dangerous sitting under them as they fly overhead. -- RFC 1925

You can't make a race horse out of a pig. But if you work hard enough at it you can make a mighty fast pig. - Bob Akin

http://www.flatcadracing.org/
http://youtu.be/89rVb497_4c

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #573 on: January 14, 2011, 07:31:03 AM »
Two Seagulls are sitting on a Perch...............One bird asks " Do you smell fish " ??? :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #574 on: January 21, 2011, 04:31:37 AM »
What would you call a ghost that haunts a T.V. show??......."Phantom of the Oprah" :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #575 on: January 21, 2011, 04:34:23 AM »
My favorite super hero and his side kick were run over by a steam roller. Now they`re " Flatman & Ribbon :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #576 on: January 28, 2011, 09:33:34 AM »
What`s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?? Anyone can roast beef.  :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Seldom Seen Slim

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #577 on: January 28, 2011, 09:35:13 AM »
Jer, where do you find these?  And now -- next time Nancy serves pea soup I'm gonna be wondering. . .
Jon E. Wennerberg
 a/k/a Seldom Seen Slim
 Skandia, Michigan
 (that's way up north)
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Owner of landracing.com

Offline genghis

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #578 on: January 28, 2011, 10:13:55 AM »
A man goes to a restaurant and orders asparagus with hollandaise sauce.
His meal arrives and he notices the plate is chrome. He asks the waiter why the plate is chrome.
The waiter replies "because there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise"

Offline Dean Los Angeles

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #579 on: January 28, 2011, 12:29:40 PM »
Slim goes to the restaurant and orders pea soup.

The waitress brings out the hot steaming bowl of soup.

Slim notices that she has her thumb in the soup.

"Hey! What's with the thumb in the soup?"

She replies, "I have a blister and the doctor told me to keep it warm."

Slim said, "Well why don't you stick it up your a**!!"

She replies, "I do when I'm in the kitchen."
Well, it used to be Los Angeles . . . 50 miles north of Fresno now.
Just remember . . . It isn't life or death.
It's bigger than life or death! It's RACING.

Offline k.h.

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #580 on: January 28, 2011, 01:07:01 PM »
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey...

He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs
some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

The guy says "No, what?"

"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table! He swallowed it whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."

He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.

While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his Acura, pulls it out, and eats it. Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his Acura, pulls it out, and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" He asks.

"No, what?" replies the guy.

"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his Acura, pulled them out, and ate em!" said the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy.

"He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to Subaru out that cue ball, he measures everything first."
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice.  But in practice, there is.--Jan L. A. Van de Snepscheut

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #581 on: February 04, 2011, 01:00:41 AM »
I think I`ll open an Elvis Presley themed restaurant....For people who love meat tender..............Thank you, Thank you very much :wink:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline 4-barrel Mike

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #582 on: February 04, 2011, 01:59:35 PM »
From an anonymous local LSR record holder:

Friendly Advice

Please, take care of yourself.  A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related.  This means that the remaining 77% are caused by assholes who just drink coffee, carbonated drinks, juices, yogurt, and Subaru like that.

Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol. They cause three times as many accidents.

 :cheers:

Mike
Mike Kelly - PROUD owner of the V4F that powered the #1931 VGC to a 82.803 mph record in 2008!

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #583 on: February 11, 2011, 02:47:00 AM »
I saw a pirate standing in a pile of treasure....He must not have been verry good at "Pirating"...His booty was only shin-deep. :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #584 on: February 18, 2011, 12:39:14 AM »
I tried gold prospecting.....It didn`t pan out.................
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.