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Author Topic: Stupid joke Friday  (Read 870194 times)

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Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3915 on: February 22, 2019, 06:10:41 AM »
A friend applied for a personalized lic plate that says " BAA BAA"....She thinks it will look cool on her black Jeep...………..
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3916 on: February 22, 2019, 06:15:55 AM »
Slice of apple pie in Jamaica is $4..In Aruba it`s $3.50 and only $2.75 in Aruba. Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean...………….. :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3917 on: March 01, 2019, 07:53:23 AM »
A bird broke in to my garage...I think he used a crow bar...……..
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3918 on: March 01, 2019, 07:54:18 AM »
...I didn`t get a good look at him...He was in da skies...………..
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3919 on: March 01, 2019, 07:57:41 AM »
...But it may have been a goose...It was speaking Portu-geese..... :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Stainless1

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3920 on: March 01, 2019, 09:12:31 AM »
Sounds like a fly by night outfit to me.... Owl look into it for you
Stainless
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Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3921 on: March 01, 2019, 09:23:31 AM »
That`s you and I Bob...Birds of a feather...…………….I heard that a pelican went to a diner for lunch and walked out with a huge bill...……………...
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3922 on: March 01, 2019, 09:26:28 AM »
It IS Fly-day...I know, That was hawkward……………….. :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline WOODY@DDLLC

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3923 on: March 01, 2019, 02:53:33 PM »
Met a loon on a lark - claimed he had no egrets!  :-P
What do you call a wild goose? Two inches off-center!  :-o :-D :dhorse:
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Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3924 on: March 08, 2019, 07:58:32 AM »
Woody.... :-o.....Patti had to fly to Atlanta for a meeting...Plane rolled onto the runway and stopped...About an hour passed and finally the plane took off. Patti asked the attendant what the delay was for and she said " The pilot heard a weird noise from one of the engines and was afraid to take off with it So we had to find a different pilot "
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3925 on: March 08, 2019, 08:00:46 AM »
Not a joke.. BUT..We did have an airplane land on the road a couple miles west of us last night...Engine issue during flight instruction. Odd sight.
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline jimmy six

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3926 on: March 08, 2019, 02:04:48 PM »
At dawn the telephone rings, "Hello, Senor? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."
"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"
"Umm, I am just calling to advise you, Senor, that your green and purple parrot, he is dead".
"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"
"Si, Senor, that's the one."
"Dodge! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"
"From eating the rotten meat, Senor."
"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"
"Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse. "
"Dead horse? What dead horse?"
"The thoroughbred, Senor."
"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"
"Yes, Senor, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."
"Are you insane? What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire, Senor."
"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"
"The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."
"What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!"
"Yes, Senor."
"But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?"
"For the funeral, Senor."
"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!"
"Your wife's, Senor". She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Ping G15 204g titanium head golf club with the TFC 149D graphite shaft."

SILENCE.......... LONG SILENCE.........VERY LONG SILENCE.
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"Ernesto, if you broke my new driver, you're in deep, deep trouble."

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Offline Seldom Seen Slim

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3927 on: March 08, 2019, 03:01:53 PM »
Dang, J6 - you know how to work a joke! :cheers:
Jon E. Wennerberg
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Offline WOODY@DDLLC

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3928 on: March 08, 2019, 05:36:48 PM »
Sounds like this guy:

A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office.  The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic, I don't have time for the gums to get numb.

I just want you to pull the tooth and be done with it!   We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already.  I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!"

The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain."  So the dentist asks him, "Which tooth is it sir?"

The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth Honey, and show him."
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Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3929 on: March 15, 2019, 08:51:32 AM »
What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4 leaf clover???  A rash of good luck...
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.