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Author Topic: Stupid joke Friday  (Read 989299 times)

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Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3180 on: March 17, 2017, 08:06:06 AM »
what do you call a fake rock in Ireland??  a shamrock....
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3181 on: March 17, 2017, 08:06:40 AM »
I know you`re Dublin over after that one...
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3182 on: March 17, 2017, 08:08:12 AM »
Which reminds me of the two gay Irishmen,,, Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick..... :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline bbarn

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3183 on: March 17, 2017, 11:17:19 AM »
DAD: GO TO YOUR ROOM NOW!
CHILD: *Storming off* "JIM MORRISON WAS OVERRATED!!!!
DAD: What did I tell you about slamming the doors?!?
I almost never wake up cranky, I usually just let her sleep in.

Offline salt27

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3184 on: March 17, 2017, 11:22:24 AM »
DAD: GO TO YOUR ROOM NOW!
CHILD: *Storming off* "JIM MORRISON WAS OVERRATED!!!!
DAD: What did I tell you about slamming the doors?!?

"Drowning" in laughter on that one.    :-D
« Last Edit: March 17, 2017, 11:41:45 AM by salt27 »

Offline Seldom Seen Slim

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3185 on: March 17, 2017, 11:37:17 AM »
I agree, BBarn, that was good.
Jon E. Wennerberg
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Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3186 on: March 17, 2017, 12:04:27 PM »
speaking of door slamming...I heard that a poem found in Jim Morrison`s hotel room is being auctioned off...It `s either a poem or a grocery list..No one is sure........ :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Seldom Seen Slim

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3187 on: March 17, 2017, 01:07:06 PM »
Ya got me on that one, Jer. I have no clue.  In the meantime, here's something I just got from an unknown supplicant (but I'll give his initials if you wanna know who to blame).


Square Testicles             
This is a joke that is supposed to bring you the luck of the Irish.



* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Ireland one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.
After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.
The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, '$165,000'.
The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money . The elderly woman replied that she made bets.
The president was surprised and asked, 'What kind of bets?'
The elderly woman replied, 'Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square.'
The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.         
The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, 'Would you like to take my bet?'
'Certainly', replied the president. 'I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square.'
'Done', the elderly woman answered. 'But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 ' clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.' 'No problem', said the president of the Bank confidently.
That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.
The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.
The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.
The president was happy to oblige.
The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked   the president if she could touch them. 'Of course', said the president. 'Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure.'
The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall.Click Me! He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, 'Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock this morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Royal Bank of Ireland.'



The origin of this Irish story is unknown but it brings luck to everyone to whom it is sent. Whoever breaks the chain would definitely be unlucky.     
Do not keep this letter. And do not send money. Just forward it to five of your friends to whom you wish good luck. Something good will happen to you in the next four days. If the chain is not broken, you will have good luck during the four days.
Even if all you do is make someone laugh, send it on!         
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
If you send this page to more than 5 people, you will have good luck for the next 5 years in addition to the luck you will have within the next 4 days.
Jon E. Wennerberg
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Offline wobblywalrus

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3188 on: March 17, 2017, 07:03:09 PM »
Gerald spent too many long nights with his big buddy Patrick.  Poor fellow. He needs a Cork now.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3189 on: March 17, 2017, 08:47:20 PM »
It`ll come to him in the end W/W............... :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline bbarn

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3190 on: March 24, 2017, 07:19:50 AM »
Parallel lines have so much in common. It is a shame they'll never meet.

I almost never wake up cranky, I usually just let her sleep in.

Offline Seldom Seen Slim

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3191 on: March 24, 2017, 07:52:08 AM »
Brandon, they will - it's just your perspective on the matter.
Jon E. Wennerberg
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 Skandia, Michigan
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Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3192 on: March 24, 2017, 09:08:59 AM »
My sister bet me $100 that I couldn`t build a car from spaghetti....She sure was surprised when I drove pasta...
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3193 on: March 24, 2017, 09:10:19 AM »
.........Two guys were arrested with a stolen calender...They each got 6 months....
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3194 on: March 24, 2017, 09:19:55 AM »
Why is it so hot in a stadium after a game ends? Because all of the fans have left....
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.