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Author Topic: Stupid joke Friday  (Read 906736 times)

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Offline WOODY@DDLLC

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3075 on: December 02, 2016, 09:20:58 AM »
Some classics with doctor content .....

From Rodney Dangerfield …. a man who got no respect!

1.     I told my son that someday he would have children of his own. He said that someday I would too.

2.     I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

3.     My father was not too bright. He worked at a bank, yet they caught him stealing pens.

4.     A girl phoned me and said, “Come on over. There’s nobody home.”  I went over. Nobody was home.

5.     What a dog I got. His favorite bone is in my arm.


More from Rodney who said he was so ugly …......

When I was a kid, I worked at a pet store and people kept asking how big I’d get.

I stuck my head out of the car window and got arrested for mooning.

With my doctor I don’t get no respect. I told him I wanted to get a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don’t need one.

I’m so ugly, the proctologist stuck his finger in my mouth.
All models are wrong, but some are useful! G.E. Box (1967) www.designdreams.biz

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3076 on: December 02, 2016, 09:35:24 AM »
Woody....You need this more than I do...www.instantrimshot.com
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Stainless1

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3077 on: December 02, 2016, 09:44:00 PM »
Everybody knows the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer..... right  :? :?



Taste :cheers:
Stainless
Red Hat 228.039, 2001, 65ci, MSA Bockscar Lakester with a little N20 
MSA Bockscar Lakester #1000 my fastest mile 245 and change, 84 ci turbobusa motor... but Corey's 233 MPH H/BFL record is still 3MPH faster than mine.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3078 on: December 09, 2016, 11:46:00 AM »
First snow...time to go outside and build an Ig.....that`s a snow house without a loo.............
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3079 on: December 09, 2016, 11:46:48 AM »
When are your eyes not eyes???..when the cold wind makes them water..... :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3080 on: December 16, 2016, 08:26:43 AM »
what do you call Frosty after he works out and developes a six-pack???...The Abdomineble Snowman
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3081 on: December 16, 2016, 08:28:07 AM »
What do snowmen call their kids???  Chill-dren. ( I`ll be here all week..don`t forget to tip your waitress)
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3082 on: December 16, 2016, 08:36:39 AM »
It`s so cold outside that I cut up Patti`s piano for firewood...Only got two chords.................
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline WOODY@DDLLC

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3083 on: December 16, 2016, 11:50:07 AM »
More from Rodney Dangerfield

1.       My wife’s cooking is so bad, the flys fix our screens.

2.       You gotta look out for number one, but don’t step in number two.

3.      I was so ugly that when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother.

4.      When making love, my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night, she called me from a hotel.

5.      My uncle’s dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

Five more:
1.      My experience has been that just 99 percent of our suppliers give all the rest a bad name.

2.     Fred will only spend a dollar at the ice rink. What a cheap skate!

3.     Zombie basketball teams always defend with a full-corpse press.

4.     There are two rules for success in this life:  #1. Don’t tell everything you know.
         [Rule #1 There are no rules! Rule #2 Never forget rule #1]

5.     People are making “end of the world” jokes like there is no tomorrow.


BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENT

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:
  FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old, hateful little bastard. Bites!

FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
 
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.
 
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE ..
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

Statement of the Century
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly.  "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"
 
All models are wrong, but some are useful! G.E. Box (1967) www.designdreams.biz

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3084 on: December 23, 2016, 07:57:47 AM »
what is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and an ordinary alphabet???  The Christmas one has noel.................
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline 4-barrel Mike

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3085 on: December 23, 2016, 08:17:23 AM »


 :cheers:

Mike
Mike Kelly - PROUD owner of the V4F that powered the #1931 VGC to a 82.803 mph record in 2008!

Offline Stainless1

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3086 on: December 23, 2016, 08:19:46 PM »
Started assembling an Italian sandwich for dinner... couldn't find any meat in the fridge to go with the cheese...

So I just had provolone
Stainless
Red Hat 228.039, 2001, 65ci, MSA Bockscar Lakester with a little N20 
MSA Bockscar Lakester #1000 my fastest mile 245 and change, 84 ci turbobusa motor... but Corey's 233 MPH H/BFL record is still 3MPH faster than mine.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3087 on: December 30, 2016, 07:38:14 AM »
New Year`s resolutions...In one year and out the other.........
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3088 on: December 30, 2016, 07:39:09 AM »
Many things can be preserved in alcohol...Dignity is not one of them....
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #3089 on: December 30, 2016, 07:40:39 AM »
If you were born in September...Your parents started out the year with a bang.....hey wait a minute...I was born in Sept............................
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.