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Author Topic: Stupid joke Friday  (Read 1201419 times)

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Offline RICK

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #300 on: January 29, 2010, 05:57:02 PM »
Well,  as long as we are all confessing to our sexual adventures,,,,,,,,

 The wife and I did it "DOGGY STYLE" last night.   I sat up and begged,,,,She rolled over and played dead.


It's not over, it's just harder.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #301 on: January 29, 2010, 06:02:15 PM »
And the stupid joke thread turns to the gutter.............. :evil: :cheers: :-o
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline bvillercr

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #302 on: January 29, 2010, 06:11:10 PM »
There was a blond and a brunette in an elevator when a young handsome man walks in.  The blond looks at the brunette and whispers, hey he's hot.  The brunette looks at her and whispers back, yeah but he needs Head and Shoulders.  The man walks out of the elevator and the blond says to the brunette, how do you give shoulders?

Offline Seldom Seen Slim

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #303 on: January 30, 2010, 07:20:33 PM »
 Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

 Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

 Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold..

Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law of Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Oliver's Law of Public Speaking
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Jon E. Wennerberg
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 (that's way up north)
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Offline theazoldcrow

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #304 on: January 31, 2010, 10:34:01 AM »
 :-D And,,,The law of kick starting a Harley Davidson.....The amount of kicks it takes is directly proportional to the amount of people watching you attempt this.        Crow.
The Earth, is an intergalactic insane asylum.!

Offline landsendlynda

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #305 on: February 02, 2010, 04:12:01 PM »
Now this only going to be funny if the Swear Police are on a donut break:

Ready?

Okay, repeat this phrase:

Eye yam sofa King wee Todd Ed, sofa king wee Todd Ed.

That's it, that's all I've got.

Lynda
Volunteer roadblock at Land's End! Yes, you need your stinkin badge! I'm your Dream Keeper, I protect your dream on the asphalt so you can chase your dream on the salt!

Offline theazoldcrow

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #306 on: February 02, 2010, 05:06:14 PM »
 :-D  Amen!     
The Earth, is an intergalactic insane asylum.!

Offline Seldom Seen Slim

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #307 on: February 02, 2010, 05:14:02 PM »
Cute, Lynda.  I'll try to remember that for the first time we show up at Land's End next summer.
Jon E. Wennerberg
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Offline bbarn

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #308 on: February 03, 2010, 09:44:58 AM »

NASCAR driver Jeff Gordon fires entire pit crew


This announcement followed Gordon's decision to take advantage of President Obama's proposal to employ Harlem youngsters. The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Harlem were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Gordon's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of dollars worth of high tech equipment. It was thought to be an excellent and bold move by Gordon's management team as most races are won or lost in the pits.

At the crew's first practice session, not only was the inexperienced crew able to change all 4 wheels in under 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had also changed the paint scheme, altered the VIN number, and sold the car to Kasey Kahne for 10 cases of Bud, a bag of weed, and some photos of Jeff Gordon's wife in the shower.
I almost never wake up cranky, I usually just let her sleep in.

Offline robfrey

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #309 on: February 03, 2010, 09:58:28 AM »
BBarn- that is good stuff. LOL!
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Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #310 on: February 03, 2010, 10:13:21 AM »
Uh....Hmmm.....It`s not..............Oh forget it :evil:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

McRat

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #311 on: February 03, 2010, 11:47:32 AM »
 :-D  Not politically correct, but dang funny.   :cheers:

Offline bbarn

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #312 on: February 03, 2010, 12:56:35 PM »
:-D  Not politically correct, but dang funny.   :cheers:

It's not politically correct if you take it that way. I debated a bit before I posted it, I came to the conclusion that it was neither racist nor derogatory to any group but inner-city thugs that have chosen a life of crime over a life of production.

For any that may have been offended, I am sorry you are offended, not sorry that I posted it. I took the time to actually read it a couple of times and from my perspective, I found nothing racist in it. As far as politically correct, I don't buy into the whole PC thing. People are people, you take them at their word until something they do or say contradicts their word. Our founding fathers were pretty clear on their intentions, no where in their writings does it say that we have to answer for other people's opinions or thoughts on our own thoughts or statements. If someone chooses to snub me or think less of me, that's their choice, I won't taunt them with my beliefs and demand that they change their point of view to match mine.
« Last Edit: February 03, 2010, 01:24:10 PM by bbarn »
I almost never wake up cranky, I usually just let her sleep in.

Offline maguromic

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #313 on: February 03, 2010, 01:04:50 PM »
     
“If you haven’t seen the future, you are not going fast enough”

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #314 on: February 03, 2010, 01:26:06 PM »
:-D  Not politically correct, but dang funny.   :cheers:
I`m not going down the P.C. road again. It`s just......not........FRIDAY(!!!!)
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.