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Author Topic: Stupid joke Friday  (Read 1120926 times)

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Offline DavidinDurango

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #30 on: April 08, 2009, 02:45:41 PM »
Once upon a time, I "thought" my opportunities for sexual release were below par.  My old pal SSS says: try my doctor, he's chinese but well respected.

So I make the appt. and explain to the doc that I'm not getting enough fun in my life and he says "Sounds like Ed Zachary disease!"

The good doctor then has me take off all my clothes and "craw rerry fass" to the other side of the room and back. "Jus as I thought, you hava Ed Zachary disease."

After a few moments of panic, I asked him exactly what that was . . .

"You face look ed zachary like you Acura."  (can I say @$$?)
DavidinDurango
Mostly Fords with "some stuff"
LSR, because it takes more than one ball to play.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #31 on: April 08, 2009, 03:17:56 PM »
 :? Uh......It`s Wednesday........ :cheers:J.B.
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Milwaukee Midget

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #32 on: April 08, 2009, 06:35:51 PM »
A woman who owned a business was looking for a box truck to deliver her goods.

Okay, stop right there - that's not the joke.

The salesman took her around the lot, and he showed her a number of cab-over Ivecos, Mitsubishis and Isuzu's, but in the back of the lot was this beat up old 15 foot Volvo that had been used by the water department.  It was an ugly shade of blue-green, and cost twice as much as anything else she had been shown, but she pointed at it and told the salesman, "Write it up".

The salesman was happy as a clam, although a bit confused.  As the paperwork was being finished, she got out her checkbook and started to write out the check, when the salesman stopped her and asked,

"You know, I've shown you much better vehicles then this one.  Why would you want to spend so much money on what is clearly an inferior truck?"

The woman smiled and said, "There's just something about an aqua Volvo van." 
"Problems are almost always a sign of progress."  Harold Bettes
Well, I guess we're making a LOT of progress . . .  :roll:

We are NOT rebuilding . . . We are reloading.

GOD SAVE MG - The Queen can take care of herself!

Offline jl222

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #33 on: April 08, 2009, 06:48:10 PM »
 :roll: :-D

Online Peter Jack

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #34 on: April 08, 2009, 07:38:33 PM »
I think I'm dreading Friday! :-D

Offline Dean Los Angeles

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #35 on: April 08, 2009, 07:46:41 PM »
Kenny Rogers and his entourage are aboard their tourbus on their way to a concert in Denver, when they get a flat tire. The mechanic jumps off the bus to fix the flat, but because they're already behind schedule and in a hurry, he neglects to double check that the lug nuts are properly tightened down.

Shortly thereafter, as the bus goes around a curve on a twisty mountain highway, the entire wheel comes off. The bus veers off the road, and plunges down the side of the mountain.

Everybody on board is killed, except for a young "roadie" who happened to be lying in his bunk, and was somewhat shielded from the crash by his mattress.

The kid is lying in his hospital bed being interviewed by the press, and one reporter asks him if Kenny Rogers had said any last words?
"Yes," said the young man, "he did." As the bus went over the edge I could hear Mr. Rogers singing......

"You picked a fine time to leave me, loose wheel!!!"
Well, it used to be Los Angeles . . . 50 miles north of Fresno now.
Just remember . . . It isn't life or death.
It's bigger than life or death! It's RACING.

Offline Dean Los Angeles

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #36 on: April 08, 2009, 08:09:33 PM »
Note: I just couldn't wait until Friday!

In a kingdom far, far away, and a long, long time ago, a party was being given. To this party the king had invited everyone in the kingdom to his castle. And everyone was having a grand time. The wine was flowing, the tables were overflowing with food, and the dancing was beautiful. Suddenly, a gnarled old man appeared out of thin air. His hands clutched in tight fists by his body, smoke streaming from his shoulders, he walked up to the king and said, "How dare you have a party and not invite your own court wizard! For this insult I curse this castle with the dreaded Curse of the Fingers. Anyone who attempts to leave here will be rent limb from limb by huge disembodied fingers!" The wizard waved his bony arms about and shouted in a guttural foreign language. "There!" he said and vanished.

All at once, the people of the kingdom looked to their king. What would he do? How could he save them? The king pursed his lips and looked about him. Finally, he turned to his knights and asked for a volunteer to ride to the next kingdom and plead with their wizard to remove the curse. Of course all of the knights wished to go. The king selected the knight with the greatest seniority and sent him on his way.

The knight gathered up all his weapons, put on his best suit of armor and headed out. As soon as his foot stepped off of the drawbridge, gigantic yellow fingers appeared from nowhere and ripped him limb from limb.

One after another, each knight attempted to ride out of the castle, each one in turn was ripped to shreds. Finally, no knights were left. The king looked about him. "Is there anyone brave enough to rescue us from this horrible curse?" he said.

"I will, sir!" said a small boy who had been serving one of the knights before he died. The small boy packed up his belongings and provisions for the journey. Since he was a poor serving boy and had no horse, he knew he would have to walk. But he was determined to succeed. As soon as he crossed the drawbridge, the yellow fingers appeared and tried to rip him apart. They couldn't! Each time they tried to grab him, the boy wriggled free and continued on his journey!

Several days later, the boy was back at the castle with the neighboring kingdom's wizard. The king was overjoyed to have the curse lifted and he called the boy to him. "How did you escape from those monstrous fingers? All my knights couldn't get past them and they were killed. How could you do it?"

The boy looked up at the king and replied, "Your majesty, it occurred to me after the last knight was killed that the only way to escape this curse was to . . .

let your pages do the walking through the yellow fingers."
Well, it used to be Los Angeles . . . 50 miles north of Fresno now.
Just remember . . . It isn't life or death.
It's bigger than life or death! It's RACING.

Offline grumm441

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #37 on: April 09, 2009, 06:20:22 AM »
A young woman goes into a cocktail bar and asks the barman for a double entendre
So he gives her one
 :cheers:
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Wazavudu Bellytank  Spirit of Sunshine Bellytank

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #38 on: April 09, 2009, 08:19:34 AM »
.............and today is Thursday (!!!) :evil:J.B.
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline DavidinDurango

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #39 on: April 09, 2009, 08:39:42 AM »
Don't read it yet . . . .

:? Uh......It`s Wednesday........ :cheers:J.B.
DavidinDurango
Mostly Fords with "some stuff"
LSR, because it takes more than one ball to play.

Offline Dean Los Angeles

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #40 on: April 09, 2009, 09:06:55 AM »
A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.

The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve bears beers in bars in Billings."

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.

The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings."

The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.

The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings. Or drug addicts."

The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs."

The bartender says, "You are now.

That was a bar bitch you ate."
Well, it used to be Los Angeles . . . 50 miles north of Fresno now.
Just remember . . . It isn't life or death.
It's bigger than life or death! It's RACING.

McRat

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #41 on: April 09, 2009, 11:03:12 AM »
What's the difference between a group of intelligent pigmies and a women's track team?
One's a group of cunning runts ...


Offline theazoldcrow

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #42 on: April 09, 2009, 11:11:20 AM »
The reason Smokey the Bear and Mrs. Smokey never had any little smoky bears????  Every time she would get hot.....he'd throw a shovel full of dirt on her!     Crow
The Earth, is an intergalactic insane asylum.!

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #43 on: April 09, 2009, 01:23:33 PM »
Don't read it yet . . . .

:? Uh......It`s Wednesday........ :cheers:J.B.
Zzzzing!!!
« Last Edit: April 09, 2009, 01:25:41 PM by floydjer »
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline grumm441

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #44 on: April 09, 2009, 05:59:56 PM »
It's friday where i am
Chief Motorcycle Steward Dry Lakes Racers Australia Inc
Wazavudu Bellytank  Spirit of Sunshine Bellytank