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Author Topic: Stupid joke Friday  (Read 866601 times)

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Offline Seldom Seen Slim

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2985 on: September 09, 2016, 07:01:53 AM »
Commander-in-Chief Forum?  A new video game?
Jon E. Wennerberg
 a/k/a Seldom Seen Slim
 Skandia, Michigan
 (that's way up north)
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Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2986 on: September 09, 2016, 08:04:29 AM »
Wow....you guys started without ME ???.....My blonde friend Marybeth called last night and wondered if I could "take a gander" at her car...The brakes were acting funny....I asked where she was.." In the grocery store" was the reply...So I inquired as to where the car was...." It`s in here with me ....."
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline WOODY@DDLLC

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2987 on: September 09, 2016, 01:46:21 PM »
Commander-in-Chief Forum?  A new video game?

Only if combined with Whack-A-Mole!

1.  If I got 50 cents for every math exam I failed, I’d have $ 6.30 right now.

2.  Do not get tricked into going to the bathroom in a dream. It’s a trap!

3.  I ate 4 bowls of delicious alphabet soup.  After that I had a massive vowel movement.

4.  My neighbor says that I am snoopy. Maybe I shouldn’t take what she writes in her diary so personally.

5.  I am not a schizophrenic and neither am I.
All models are wrong, but some are useful! G.E. Box (1967) www.designdreams.biz

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2988 on: September 09, 2016, 02:12:13 PM »
Triple- S.....don`t go sullying-up my joke thread with politics....I`ve told you that 39 times...Guess you can`t recall...... :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Seldom Seen Slim

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2989 on: September 09, 2016, 02:27:51 PM »
I'll give you about a three and a half, at best, Jerry, for that one.  :? I had to work at it way too much to be a good Friday funny.  Sorry. :-(
Jon E. Wennerberg
 a/k/a Seldom Seen Slim
 Skandia, Michigan
 (that's way up north)
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Owner of landracing.com

Offline tauruck

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2990 on: September 10, 2016, 06:49:28 AM »
Well, I deed a drink now!.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2991 on: September 16, 2016, 07:53:53 AM »
My cat Milo is a bad story teller...He only has one tail............
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2992 on: September 16, 2016, 07:54:31 AM »
What is smarter than a cat??...A spelling bee............
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2993 on: September 16, 2016, 07:55:09 AM »
I think Milo is voting for Hillary Kitten...............
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline rouse

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2994 on: September 16, 2016, 08:44:06 AM »
You should teach Milo to play cards... That way he'd hope for trumps

Rouse
Johnnie Rouse
Bike 4680 P-PP2000 SCTA record 153.325    A-PF3000 177.920
                              Texas Mile 152.518
If you love your freedom thank a vet.

Offline WOODY@DDLLC

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2995 on: September 16, 2016, 09:05:10 AM »
1.  Someone stole my mood ring.  I don’t know how I feel about that.

2.  It is literally unpossible for me to fail an English test.  Try me!

3.  Brunette:  I slept with a Brazilian.  Blonde:  Wow!  How many is a Brazilian?

4.  Words cannot express how limited my vocabulary is.

5.  Being cremated is my last hope of having a smoking hot body.
All models are wrong, but some are useful! G.E. Box (1967) www.designdreams.biz

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2996 on: September 23, 2016, 07:54:55 AM »
How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb???/..None, let her wash dishes in the dark.......
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2997 on: September 23, 2016, 07:56:02 AM »
How do you tell if your wife is going blind??..Put a windshield in front of her............... :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Stainless1

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2998 on: September 23, 2016, 08:55:07 AM »
I had a wife once... easy to remember the anniversary... I was a fool, but got married the second I had to....

everyone should now know the date  :cheers:
Stainless
Red Hat 228.039, 2001, 65ci, MSA Bockscar Lakester with a little N20 
MSA Bockscar Lakester #1000 my fastest mile 245 and change, 84 ci turbobusa motor... but Corey's 233 MPH H/BFL record is still 3MPH faster than mine.

Offline WOODY@DDLLC

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2999 on: September 23, 2016, 09:02:04 AM »
How To Write Good [I was going to save this for your BD, SSS, but ..........]


1.     Avoid Alliteration.  Always.

2.     Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3.     Avoid clichés like the plague.  They are old hat.

4.     Comparisons are as bad as clichés.

5.     Be more or less specific.

6.     Writers should never generalize.

Seven:  Be consistent!

8.     The use of passive voice is to be avoided.

9.     It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

10.   Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.

11.   Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

12.   One-word sentences?  Eliminate.

13.   Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

14.   Exaggeration is a brazillian times worse than understatement.

15.   Don’t forget to end your sentences in punctuation

16.   Foreign words and phrases:  no mas.

17.   Using profanity in a formal document is horseshit.

18.   Contractions aren’t necessary.

19.   Don’t be redundant:  Brevity, brevity, brevity!

20.   When it comes to avoiding mixed metaphors, sometimes it’s 4th and 15 and you’re looking at a full court press to find alternatives.
All models are wrong, but some are useful! G.E. Box (1967) www.designdreams.biz