(Note: Donations are not tax deductible)

This is a public forum. The opinions expressed here don't
necessarily reflect the feelings of The Folks That Run The Site (that's us)
unless we explicitly say so, ok?


Forum's been "upgraded".
Things will look a bit different.
A *few* posts might have gotten lost in the crossover.
PM bobc with problems, or post in "Website Suggestions".

Author Topic: Stupid joke Friday  (Read 907806 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline USFRAMONTE

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 600
  • Age: 65
  • Location: West Bountiful, Utah
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2955 on: July 29, 2016, 08:29:58 AM »
It seems to me that Great Britain and the United States are in the midst of a contest to see which one can make the biggest mess out of their country.  Right now, England appears to be in the lead, but we do have the Trump card

Offline tauruck

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4883
  • Location: Johannesburg, South Africa
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2956 on: July 29, 2016, 08:54:00 AM »
Jerry????

Offline WOODY@DDLLC

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1375
  • Age: 74
  • Location: Morrow, OH 15 minutes from Mike Brown!
  • ECTA made it to AR-Kansas!
    • Design Dreams, LLC
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2957 on: July 29, 2016, 06:56:22 PM »
Pete and Repeat claim some of these may be repeats ..........

I was addicted to the hokey-pokey but I turned myself around.

Went to the Air & Space museum but there was nothing there! [For gkabbt  :-D]

Hold the door open for a clown - it's a nice jester!

If attacked by a mob of clowns go for the juggler!

The second mouse gets the cheese!

My reality check bounced!

All those that believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand.

Between two evils I always pick the one I've never tried!

Cure for an obsession - get another one!

The first five days after a weekend are the hardest!

I child proofed my home but the kids still get in.

The past, present and future walk into a bar - it was tense!

A clear conscience is the first sign of a fuzzy memory.

Does seven days without meat make one week?

Ban pre-shredded cheese - make America grate again!  :cheers:
All models are wrong, but some are useful! G.E. Box (1967) www.designdreams.biz

Offline floydjer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2860
  • Age: 61
  • Location: grand rapids, michigan
  • "There is no duck side of the moon..."
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2958 on: August 05, 2016, 08:22:09 AM »
What did the carrot say to the disc jockey??....lettuce turnip the beet...............................
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline WOODY@DDLLC

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1375
  • Age: 74
  • Location: Morrow, OH 15 minutes from Mike Brown!
  • ECTA made it to AR-Kansas!
    • Design Dreams, LLC
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2959 on: August 05, 2016, 07:35:03 PM »
1.      Woman:  It’s nice outside today, let’s go for a walk.

         Man:  Hahaha.  I like the way you pronounce, “Let’s go for a drink.”

2.      Larry had a doctor’s appointment but he didn’t want to go.  So he called in sick.

3.      A man sued the airlines for his misplaced luggage.  But ultimately he lost his case.

4.      My brother-in-law is surprised that women’s soccer has so many participants… given that they all have to show up wearing the same outfit.

5.      I was just diagnosed with color-blindness.  I had no idea…it came at me out of the green.

Bonus:

I ate some uranium for breakfast and now I have… atomic ache.

I realized that I'm unique - just like everyone else!  :-o :-D
All models are wrong, but some are useful! G.E. Box (1967) www.designdreams.biz

Offline floydjer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2860
  • Age: 61
  • Location: grand rapids, michigan
  • "There is no duck side of the moon..."
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2960 on: August 12, 2016, 07:10:24 AM »
How does NASA put together an office party????....They planet :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2860
  • Age: 61
  • Location: grand rapids, michigan
  • "There is no duck side of the moon..."
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2961 on: August 12, 2016, 07:11:53 AM »
I just heard on the news that some guy killed several people on a train in Mexico.....He had loco motives.......................
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2860
  • Age: 61
  • Location: grand rapids, michigan
  • "There is no duck side of the moon..."
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2962 on: August 19, 2016, 09:56:38 AM »
Easiest place to drown a hipster???..In the mainstream.................
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2860
  • Age: 61
  • Location: grand rapids, michigan
  • "There is no duck side of the moon..."
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2963 on: August 19, 2016, 09:57:28 AM »
I asked a bank teller to check my balance....So she pushed me backwards.......................
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2860
  • Age: 61
  • Location: grand rapids, michigan
  • "There is no duck side of the moon..."
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2964 on: August 19, 2016, 09:58:45 AM »
.....................a bartender says...." Sorry, We don`t served time travelers here.....................a time traveler walks into a bar.................... :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline WOODY@DDLLC

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1375
  • Age: 74
  • Location: Morrow, OH 15 minutes from Mike Brown!
  • ECTA made it to AR-Kansas!
    • Design Dreams, LLC
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2965 on: August 19, 2016, 10:00:28 AM »
Missed last week so double abuse today ..................

1.    We took our puppy to the vet because the poor little thing had a fever.  The vet said to pour mustard on her… because it is good on a hot dog.

2.    A cheese factory blew up in France last week and there was nothing left but du Brie.

3.    Player:  “Coach, my doctor says I can’t play football.”       Coach:  “I could have told you that!”

4.    I told my doctor I am dizzy during the first ½ hour after I wake.  He told me to sleep 30 minutes longer.

5.    If I decide not to get that brain transplant, did I change my mind?

6.    I told the guy who knocked on my front door that I had not requested a piano tuning.  “But your neighbors did,” he replied.

7.    Dr. Frankenstein gravely misunderstood the objective when he entered the local bodybuilding contest.

8.    My niece asked me if I wanted to see something really swell.  “Sure!,” I replied.  So she hit my thumb with a hammer.

9.    I was at the doctor’s office and I saw a banana sitting next to me.  “Not peeling well?,” I inquired.

10.   When is a dog’s tail not a tail?          When it’s a-waggin.
All models are wrong, but some are useful! G.E. Box (1967) www.designdreams.biz

Offline USFRAMONTE

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 600
  • Age: 65
  • Location: West Bountiful, Utah
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2966 on: August 19, 2016, 10:34:14 AM »
Do you know why it became tradition for a man to ask for a woman's hand in marriage?





Because he got tired of using his own!

Offline floydjer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2860
  • Age: 61
  • Location: grand rapids, michigan
  • "There is no duck side of the moon..."
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2967 on: August 26, 2016, 07:47:30 AM »
A woman goes into a doctor`s office to talk about her teen daughter...she tells the Dr. that the girl spends all day in bed eating yeast and car wax...The doc says " Don`t fret over it...She`ll rise and shine....."
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Stainless1

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 7312
  • Age: 68
  • Location: Near Furley and Kechi KS
  • Robert W. P. "Stainless" Steele
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2968 on: August 26, 2016, 09:07:12 AM »
Dr Goggles said he would hit me with the neck of his guitar for bringing up his birthday...

I said "that sounds like a fret"

 :-D  :cheers:
Stainless
Red Hat 228.039, 2001, 65ci, MSA Bockscar Lakester with a little N20 
MSA Bockscar Lakester #1000 my fastest mile 245 and change, 84 ci turbobusa motor... but Corey's 233 MPH H/BFL record is still 3MPH faster than mine.

Offline Seldom Seen Slim

  • Nancy and me and the pit bike
  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 12389
  • Age: 71
  • Location: Skandia, Michigan
  • Nancy -- 201.913 mph record on a production ZX15!
    • Nancy and Jon's personal website.
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2969 on: August 26, 2016, 09:21:04 AM »
Stainless, you've created a bridge that opens up the day to guitar puns.  Oh, no -- I can see a string of 'em coming up accelerando.
Jon E. Wennerberg
 a/k/a Seldom Seen Slim
 Skandia, Michigan
 (that's way up north)
2 Club member x2
Owner of landracing.com