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Author Topic: Stupid joke Friday  (Read 988877 times)

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Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2895 on: June 24, 2016, 07:55:57 AM »
A  retired veteran takes up painting as a hobby...One morning he shouts to his wife to come and see the new painting he has just completed...." Its an abstract that shows the results of 7 1/2 years of obama " he advises...He wife yells back..." Just flush the toilet and come eat your breakfast" :cheers: :cheers: :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2896 on: June 24, 2016, 07:57:15 AM »
.....Nothing like a little reality to sully up a joke thread.....................
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline bbarn

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2897 on: June 24, 2016, 10:51:13 AM »
Let me see if I can get this back on track....

What is yellow and smells of bananas? Ape vomit.

I almost never wake up cranky, I usually just let her sleep in.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2898 on: June 24, 2016, 10:55:07 AM »
Banana jokes have appeal...............................
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2899 on: June 24, 2016, 10:57:48 AM »
if you guys need some banana jokes...I have a bunch............
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2900 on: June 24, 2016, 10:58:35 AM »
reminds me of the banana that stayed home from school...He didn`t peel well.................
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2901 on: June 24, 2016, 10:59:15 AM »
I might peel a couple bananas and make slippers out of them.....................
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline bbarn

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2902 on: June 24, 2016, 12:20:24 PM »
You know what the banana did when the cops showed up right? He split!
I almost never wake up cranky, I usually just let her sleep in.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2903 on: June 24, 2016, 01:05:44 PM »
I am going bananas......at least that is what I say to my bananas when I leave...............
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline WOODY@DDLLC

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2904 on: June 24, 2016, 03:38:06 PM »
More worthless inventions ............... :cry: :cry:

Sorry, I'm not biting on the banana jokes!  :x :x
All models are wrong, but some are useful! G.E. Box (1967) www.designdreams.biz

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2905 on: July 01, 2016, 08:12:46 AM »
I was walking back to the `Burb from my daily stop at the cigar shop when a real shabby looking  homeless guy asked for $5. I asked if he`d use the $ for liquor or gambling. He said " No"...so I asked him to come to my house so my wife could see what a guy that doesn`t drink or gamble ends up looking like............... :evil:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Stainless1

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2906 on: July 01, 2016, 09:20:11 AM »
I went to the new zoo in Kechi, a little town down the road... they had one small dog on display   :-o


I said "this is a Shitzhu"  :roll:
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Offline WOODY@DDLLC

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2907 on: July 01, 2016, 09:30:54 AM »
1.      I could not figure out how to fasten my seat-belt…then it clicked.

2.      My brother-in-law only knows 25 letters of the alphabet.  He doesn’t know why.

3.     “I dropped my toothpaste,” Jill said crestfallen.

        “Well then, I’m leaving,” Tom pointed out.

4.      “Don’t use that tone of voice with me!” said Ryan’s boss at the helium factory.

5.     He was such a depressing guy that he puts the F U in fun.

Blonde bonus:

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down......
 
The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"
 
"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"
 
"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $200 for your trouble"
 
"I'd be happy to," said the blonde.
 
So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went.
 
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde. "What are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $200 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo!"
 
"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde. "But we had money left over so now we're going to Sea World."
 
You know you will forward this.
All models are wrong, but some are useful! G.E. Box (1967) www.designdreams.biz

Offline rouse

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2908 on: July 01, 2016, 11:39:38 AM »
When I have the remote, I watch Drag racing, Nascar racing, Football, and especially beach volleyball, when my wife has the remote she watches How not To Kill Your Husband.  :?
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Offline USFRAMONTE

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2909 on: July 01, 2016, 12:01:24 PM »
Do you know why a milking stool has three legs?



The cow has the udder!