Author Topic: Stupid joke Friday  (Read 907179 times)

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Offline Milwaukee Midget

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2865 on: June 03, 2016, 09:12:47 AM »
L.C. Leprechaun, known by his friends and children everywhere as "Lucky", was found bludgeoned to death is his upper east side flat Tuesday morning.  Officials described the scene as "a milk bath", with small, colorful marshmallow candies shaped like "pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, and green clovers", scattered around Mr. Leprechaun's lifeless and beaten body.

Shocked neighbors described Mr. Leprechaun as outgoing, yet paranoid, citing numerous instances when he'd warn his neighbors, "They're always after me lucky charms".

A short press release from General Foods, Mr. Leprechaun's long-time employer, expressed the company's condolences to friends and family, but an unnamed source within the organization suspects a gangland connection to the murder.

The unnamed source notes "rising tensions" in the competitive breakfast cereal market, and squarely lays blame for the murder at the feet of reputed cereal syndicate boss, known only as "Cap'n Crunch", and his Life-long associate, Mike E.

When asked about an organized crime connection, police officials refused to speculate, only describing the crime as "Tragically malicious".
"Problems are almost always a sign of progress."  Harold Bettes
Well, I guess we're making a LOT of progress . . .  :roll:

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Offline bbarn

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2866 on: June 03, 2016, 09:16:45 AM »
Someone gave me the wrong directions to a massage parlor — it rubbed me the wrong way.

Did the disappointed smoker get everything he wanted for Christmas? Clothes but no cigar.

Q: What is the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?
A: A Hippo is really heavy, but a Zippo is a little lighter!

Q: What do you call a magic owl?
A: Whodini!
I almost never wake up cranky, I usually just let her sleep in.

Offline WOODY@DDLLC

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2867 on: June 03, 2016, 09:21:42 AM »
1.     Yoga pants are the latest trend.  Women seem to be bending over backwards just to try them out.

2.     According to the movies I’ve watched, I should have found a treasure map by now, or stepped in some quicksand, or at least shot a padlock off a door with a pistol.

3.     Every Scooby Doo episode would only be a few minutes long if the gang had only gone to the mask store first and asked a few questions.

4.     What kind of exercises do lazy people do? Diddly-squats.

5.     How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but he must to it at dinnertime.
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Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2868 on: June 03, 2016, 09:54:10 AM »
I named my printer Bob Marley....It always be jammin`............ :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline grumm441

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2869 on: June 09, 2016, 12:09:48 AM »
I told my girlfriend that she was drawing her eyebrows on too high
She seemed surprised
G
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Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2870 on: June 09, 2016, 09:57:30 AM »
 :?
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline robfrey

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2871 on: June 09, 2016, 10:37:35 AM »
I know I'm early but



Rob Freyvogel
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Offline bbarn

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2872 on: June 09, 2016, 10:39:11 AM »
It's Friday in Singapore Jerry...
I almost never wake up cranky, I usually just let her sleep in.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2873 on: June 09, 2016, 01:38:29 PM »
 :x
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline bbarn

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2874 on: June 10, 2016, 07:30:05 AM »
ok,ok...it IS now Friday...

What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A PRIVATE TUTOR!
I almost never wake up cranky, I usually just let her sleep in.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2875 on: June 10, 2016, 07:48:37 AM »
You ever eat a clock???  It`s time consuming...................
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline bbarn

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2876 on: June 10, 2016, 08:26:55 AM »
Whaddaya call a guy with no arms and no legs that picks a fight with a cat? ............................Claude.
I almost never wake up cranky, I usually just let her sleep in.

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2877 on: June 10, 2016, 09:19:11 AM »
 Got caught having a pee in the local swimming pool today.
 The lifeguard shouted at me so loud I nearly fell in.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2878 on: June 10, 2016, 09:29:44 AM »
yep
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline robfrey

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2879 on: June 10, 2016, 10:25:25 AM »
:x

Sorry Jerry!
If I would waited to Friday, I would have forgotten.
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