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Author Topic: Stupid joke Friday  (Read 949589 times)

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Offline WOODY@DDLLC

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2835 on: May 13, 2016, 10:50:26 AM »
1.      When the book fell on my head, I had only my shelf to blame.

2.      When my brother-in-law started telling a joke about his GPS, I wasn’t sure where it was going.

3.     I have doubts about “Smartwater,” given how easily it was captured and bottled.

4.     Never eat Oreo’s before going to the dentist.  They hate that.

5.     My wife told me I was good in bed last night.  Well… what she actually said was that I didn’t snore at all the whole night.
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Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2836 on: May 13, 2016, 12:07:14 PM »
Woody...Re: # 4...I always eat a box of Oreo`s before a dentist appointment.....I like to get my monies worth........................... :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline half-fast racer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2837 on: May 13, 2016, 02:53:13 PM »
Have you heard of an Australian kiss?

It's a lot like a French kiss, just down-under.

Offline WOODY@DDLLC

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2838 on: May 13, 2016, 04:31:49 PM »
Woody...Re: # 4...I always eat a box of Oreo`s before a dentist appointment.....I like to get my monies worth........................... :cheers:

Try peanut brittle and a spinach salad next time! They'll probably pay you to stay home! :-D :-D
All models are wrong, but some are useful! G.E. Box (1967) www.designdreams.biz

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2839 on: May 20, 2016, 07:59:15 AM »
Why do watermelons have big weddings?...Because they  cantaloupe.................
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2840 on: May 20, 2016, 08:00:24 AM »
** Bonus**..Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple?  Because she didn`t like the taste of Adam`s banana
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline half-fast racer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2841 on: May 20, 2016, 10:45:06 AM »
How can you spot the blind man at the nude beach?

....it's not hard.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2842 on: May 20, 2016, 12:39:21 PM »
.................?????  I thought that was how you find an old man in the dark.................. :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2843 on: May 20, 2016, 12:41:28 PM »
Before Slim, Monte, Mike et-al have a field day at my expense...NO..I do NOT go looking for old men in the dark.   jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez.  :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline salt27

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2844 on: May 20, 2016, 12:51:35 PM »
Before Slim, Monte, Mike et-al have a field day at my expense...NO..I do NOT go looking for old men in the dark.   jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez.  :cheers:

Just the young ones?   :evil:

Sorry, but you did set yourself up for that one, carry on.

Offline half-fast racer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2845 on: May 20, 2016, 03:14:07 PM »
Or maybe just in the light? Same principle...

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2846 on: May 20, 2016, 03:40:28 PM »
tough crowd...But trust me...spending 58 years with my name has given me a sense of humor. :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline WOODY@DDLLC

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2847 on: May 20, 2016, 05:19:52 PM »
1.      My brother-in-law asked me where he could buy a sports shirt.  I told him, “New Jersey.”

2.      Mary fell out of bed this morning and said, “Oh sheet!”

3.      I'm addicted to a placebo. I'd quit but it wouldn't make any difference!

4.      Someday, I might like to have a job cleaning mirrors.  It is a job I can see myself doing.

5.      What is Mozart doing right now?  Decomposing.
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Offline fastesthonda_jim

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2848 on: May 20, 2016, 05:22:43 PM »
No, Floydjer.  Say it isn't so.  You're actually Barack Obama?
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Offline bbarn

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2849 on: May 27, 2016, 08:42:17 AM »
Guess I'll go first today....

What do you call it when a dog eats jewelry?  A diamond in the ruff.
I almost never wake up cranky, I usually just let her sleep in.