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Author Topic: Stupid joke Friday  (Read 866350 times)

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Offline WOODY@DDLLC

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2775 on: February 26, 2016, 03:31:14 PM »
1.      Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.  That is just how I roll, baby.

2.      I told all of you 10 jokes in the last 2 weeks to make you laugh.  Sadly, no pun in 10 did.

3.     What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?    Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.

4.     Why aren’t koalas actual bears?  Because they don’t meet the koalafications.

5.     Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.  That way, when you criticize them, you will be a mile away and you’ll have their shoes.


Bonus:  I just realized that Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh both have the same middle name!
All models are wrong, but some are useful! G.E. Box (1967) www.designdreams.biz

Offline Seldom Seen Slim

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2776 on: February 26, 2016, 04:25:30 PM »
COMMA COP ALERT!  COMMA COP ALERT!!

Woody, you're busted.  "Lay" takes an object.  "Lie" is the action (or, in this case, lack thereof) and what you should have used.

COMMA COP ALERT Dismissed.
Jon E. Wennerberg
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 (that's way up north)
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Offline Indy

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2777 on: February 26, 2016, 04:41:46 PM »
Did you hear about the lady that backed into the airplane propeller............. disaster.

Explanation below if you need it
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Dis Assed Her
Rick

Too Much Is Just Enough

Offline Stainless1

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2778 on: February 26, 2016, 05:37:58 PM »
Hey comma cop, if Woody threw a Porn star in there wouldn't he have to lay awake... some things you can't do in your sleep.... unless they lie there... then maybe you can do them in their sleep  :|  :roll:
Stainless
Red Hat 228.039, 2001, 65ci, MSA Bockscar Lakester with a little N20 
MSA Bockscar Lakester #1000 my fastest mile 245 and change, 84 ci turbobusa motor... but Corey's 233 MPH H/BFL record is still 3MPH faster than mine.

Offline tauruck

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2779 on: February 26, 2016, 08:32:06 PM »
Ouch!!! :-D :-D :-D

Offline WOODY@DDLLC

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2780 on: February 27, 2016, 09:09:45 AM »
Slim, you did not read me my Miranda rights! I am just a victim of society - I just copies and pastes!  :x

     ^ Is this comma OK?

Guess I'll have my lawyer draw up a disclaimer. :-D :-(
All models are wrong, but some are useful! G.E. Box (1967) www.designdreams.biz

Offline Seldom Seen Slim

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2781 on: February 27, 2016, 10:43:52 AM »
Woody the doofus said:  "...I just copies and pastes!..."

Yep - and that, unfortunately, is a common cop-out these days.  No offense meant, fella -- we all owe you for the stuff you do for the site and our games.  But still --  for a similar reason to my concern over willy-nilly use of copy-and-paste ---- is the faith that way too many people put in spell check systems.  While yes, they are getting better and better as AI grows, but still -- the spell check writers need to have superlative skills in spelling if they're going to be used world-wide as proof that (a specific) word is spelled correctly.

And so on.  But still, since this is the joke column - - -

The guy and his wife are in the bedroom, lights dim, and he's about to mount her for their monthly sex session.

He proceeds and she endures what he does and then he's about done when she gets a cramp and has to move her leg.

They guy stops in his tracks (so to speak) and asks her with a concern-laden voice:  "Did I hurt you?  For a minute there you moved!" :-D :cheers:


PS  Yes, that particular comma is fine right where it lies.
Jon E. Wennerberg
 a/k/a Seldom Seen Slim
 Skandia, Michigan
 (that's way up north)
2 Club member x2
Owner of landracing.com

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2782 on: March 04, 2016, 08:01:11 AM »
Why did the dogsled racer name his lead dog " Frost"??/... Because frost bites...........
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2783 on: March 04, 2016, 08:02:04 AM »
I wonder if a sled dogs babies are called slush puppies???..........
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2784 on: March 04, 2016, 08:03:24 AM »
How many cheerleaders does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how many are blonde............
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline tallguy

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2785 on: March 04, 2016, 04:57:20 PM »
I complimented my wife, and she got angry.  I told her "I don't know how you find
the energy or time to do all the things you do.  You leave a sinkful of dirty dishes. 
You leave dirty laundry all over the house.  You let the trashcan overflow.   You
let yourself get fat.  How do you find the time to do all this?"

Offline Milwaukee Midget

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2786 on: March 04, 2016, 08:07:22 PM »
I've been wanting to tell my Jonestown joke, but the punch line was too long . . .
"Problems are almost always a sign of progress."  Harold Bettes
Well, I guess we're making a LOT of progress . . .  :roll:

We are NOT rebuilding . . . We are reloading.

GOD SAVE MG - The Queen can take care of herself!

Offline Speed Limit 1000

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2787 on: March 04, 2016, 08:25:07 PM »
I was a member of Heaven's Gate with Marshall and Bonnie :-o
John Gowetski, red hat @ 221.183 MPH MSA Lakester, Bockscar #1000 60 ci normally aspirated w/N20

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2788 on: March 07, 2016, 07:19:53 AM »
I've been wanting to tell my Jonestown joke, but the punch line was too long . . .
.....we can shut this thread down now................. :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2789 on: March 11, 2016, 07:45:57 AM »
why did the cows keep returning to the field of cannabis plants??...it was another case of the pot calling the cattle back... :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.