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Author Topic: Stupid joke Friday  (Read 1201421 times)

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Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #270 on: December 25, 2009, 09:32:21 AM »
What does Rudolph the Reindeer say when he tells a joke?........"This one will sleigh you" :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

McRat

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #271 on: December 25, 2009, 09:35:14 AM »
Vet Schooled:

First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet school were attending their first
anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the
surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor
started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary Medicine it is
necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that
you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body". For an
example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the
arse of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.
"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually
took turns sticking a finger in the arse of the dead cow and sucking on
it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "The
second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle
finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention".
« Last Edit: December 25, 2009, 09:39:09 AM by McRat »

Offline 4-barrel Mike

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #272 on: December 25, 2009, 10:48:51 AM »
I don't think I want Christmas breakfast.


















 :-D Merry Christmas to all!

Mike
Mike Kelly - PROUD owner of the V4F that powered the #1931 VGC to a 82.803 mph record in 2008!

Offline RidgeRunner

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #273 on: December 25, 2009, 11:13:16 AM »
     Gotta admit it's an effective method of instruction for a lesson to be well remembered.  From an alumni of the school of hard knocks.

            Ed

Offline 4-barrel Mike

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #274 on: December 25, 2009, 11:27:48 AM »
Late model Corvette: Smokin' burnout  :mrgreen:

Mike

« Last Edit: December 25, 2009, 02:13:17 PM by 4-barrel Mike »
Mike Kelly - PROUD owner of the V4F that powered the #1931 VGC to a 82.803 mph record in 2008!

McRat

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #275 on: December 25, 2009, 11:49:50 AM »
Linky-no-worky.  :|

But while we wait for maintenance, my favorite children's poems:

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Silly Jill forgot her pill
So now they have a son.



Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sugar is sweet
And so are you.

But the roses are wilted
The violets are dead
The sugar bowls empty
Just like your head.

stwheeler

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #276 on: December 25, 2009, 12:52:03 PM »
A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which country had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.

 

The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.

 

The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'impeccable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers). The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge.

 

The two of them flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called 'impeccable' tree almost without breaking a sweat.

 

Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country?

 

After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion: Apparently, Tiger Woods was right when he said, "Your pecker gets harder when you're away from home".

Offline Dean Los Angeles

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #277 on: December 25, 2009, 01:10:05 PM »
Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her poor daughter a dress.

The cupboard was bare.
And so was her daughter, I guess.



Correct link to the burnout video
http://videos.streetfire.net/video/Burnout-Fail-Clutch-of_726077.htm
Well, it used to be Los Angeles . . . 50 miles north of Fresno now.
Just remember . . . It isn't life or death.
It's bigger than life or death! It's RACING.

Online Seldom Seen Slim

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #278 on: December 25, 2009, 01:15:32 PM »
How long does it take to load?  I waited a couple of minutes -- couldn't even see the beginning.  But -- I did get an ad that popped up after I closed the streetfire page.  I've now got a reason to not go to yet another site.  Thanks for trying, Dean.
Jon E. Wennerberg
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 (that's way up north)
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Owner of landracing.com

McRat

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #279 on: December 25, 2009, 01:33:10 PM »
...
Correct link to the burnout video
http://videos.streetfire.net/video/Burnout-Fail-Clutch-of_726077.htm

Two possibilities:

He has no clue how to do burnouts in a Manual.

He has no idea how to turn off the A/H and T/C so he can do a burnout.

For our Z06:
Turn off both T/C and A/H.
Roll through water, stay on the damp area, not the pit.
Put in 1st gear, clutch in.
Take RPM to 6000-6500.
Drop clutch instantly as you floor the throttle and swap clutch foot to brake, using no more pressure than necessary.
With modern drag tires, you shouldn't need much heat, so just get a bit of smoke, roll out as you feather throttle down gently and push in the clutch.  Do not let the tires hit hard, or you can break the Getrag.
Turn on A/H but leave T/C off (comp mode).

If OEM street tires, do not even bother with the burnout, it will seldom help.
« Last Edit: December 25, 2009, 01:36:32 PM by McRat »

McRat

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #280 on: December 25, 2009, 01:49:49 PM »
Here's my wife heating the tires in manual 2000 Camaro (has T/C but no A/H):

http://www.qinsp.com/Pat/kat1201burnout.MPG

Me goofing in the same car:



Couldn't find any vette pics.

« Last Edit: December 25, 2009, 01:53:46 PM by McRat »

Offline 4-barrel Mike

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #281 on: December 25, 2009, 02:15:00 PM »
Mike Kelly - PROUD owner of the V4F that powered the #1931 VGC to a 82.803 mph record in 2008!

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #282 on: December 25, 2009, 02:25:46 PM »
I normally wouldn`t wish for harm to a basic idiot, But, that idiot should have lost his throttle foot to the clutch gods on that one. :-o
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

McRat

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #283 on: December 25, 2009, 03:13:33 PM »
I normally wouldn`t wish for harm to a basic idiot, But, that idiot should have lost his throttle foot to the clutch gods on that one. :-o

I'd only get pissed if he goes to his Chevy dealer and asks them to warranty his clutch.  Pretty sure he will though. 

Some of the newer cars have "abuse management" tables in the ECM that stop idiots like that, but I know the 2001-2004's Z06's did not, not sure about the new ones.  My pickup has it, but I crippled it.  While it's still under warranty, I have a hunch that if I showed up for warranty work, I'd get sued by the family of the service writer who died of laughter.

Offline Stainless1

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #284 on: December 28, 2009, 09:11:30 AM »
Big news in Wichita's paper this morning, seems there was a jail break last night and a midget fortune-teller escaped.

The headline ........  SMALL MEDIUM AT LARGE

Yea, it ain't Friday but someone had to get this thread back on track  :roll:
Stainless
Red Hat 228.039, 2001, 65ci, MSA Bockscar Lakester with a little N20 
MSA Bockscar Lakester #1000 my fastest mile 245 and change, 84 ci turbobusa motor... but Corey's 233 MPH H/BFL record is still 3MPH faster than mine.